1. A friend opens a magazine full of scantily-clad members of your preferred sex. Do you:
A. Openly Ogle
B. Act Non-Chalant
C. Comment "Gee, that's got to be at least 400 dpi, colour!"
D. Slip the hand down the pants for a bit of good, old-fashioned executive relief.
2. You're at a party. Someone comes over and asks you your star sign. You:
A. Tell them to bugger off
B. Lay them one in the groin, then tell them to bugger off.
C. I don't go to parties.
D. I don't get invited to parties.
3. You're at the head of a large queue in front of a cash-register in a large department store. The register gives a ]beep[ and stops dead. You:
A. Wait patiently
B. Plant all the stuff you were going to buy in a nearby baby carriage and call the store detective (to while away the time)
C. Break out your ever-present C64 notebook and try to debug the thing
D. I don't know
4. You're shopping for some personal hygiene equipment when the chemist runs up saying the prescription database on his 386 is corrupt. You:
A. What's a prescription database?
B. What's a 386?
C. What's personal hygenie?
D. What was the question again?
5. A friend wants to borrow a record off you. You
A. Lend it out, and tell them it's a boomerang.
B. Tell them to go buy it.
C. Consult the database to see that status of the record concerned
D. Sell it to them for a beer.
6. You'd most like to meet:
A. The person who wrote "Gulag Acapeligo"
B. The person who wrote "War and Peace"
C. The person who wrote MSDOS
D. A person who can write
7. You win a "Grocery-Grab" at a local supermarket. You've got one minute to pack a cart with as much stuff as you can. You start:
A. In the Liquor Section
B. In the Confectionary Lane
C. At the Pencil Bar
D. At the cash register
8. You've been hit by a car and your life flashes before your eyes. The thing you remember most vividly is:
A. Your Mother's voice as a child
B. Your first Love
C. The Ascii table.
D. The tire pressure was maybe a little too high
9. You get to compete on blind date. You have one statement to change the choosers mind about you. You say:
A. I've got a 12 inch tounge
B. I can go all night
C. I'VE GOT A 386SX with 64K Ram Cache
D. I've killed 5 people
10. You feel naked without your:
A. Electric Guitar
B. Wallet
C. VT100 reference guide
D. Axe
11. You see someone standing on a ledge, about to jump. You can save them if you say the right thing. You say:
A. I know things are bad, but do you want to talk about it?
B. I feel you just need someone to talk to
C. Want to come and play on my C64?
D. I bet you haven't got the guts.... . . . Oh, I see you did...
12. You told your best friend the first time you:
A. Had Sex
B. Had Oral Sex
C. Got a Ram expansion
D. Killed a cat.
13. No-one understands you like:
A. Your Mother
B. Your Father
C. Your PC
D. Your Parole Officer
14. For your 18th birthday you wanted:
A. A Car
B. A Shaver
C. A C64 Cassette Drive
D. Some Piano Wire, and the Neigbours Cat
Scoring
Mostly A's:
You're normal. Boring Boring Boring. You're the sort of person who'll justy fritter their way thru life enjoying themselves and having a good time. Shame on you!
Mostly B's:
You're mostly normal. Nothing a little ECT can't clear away in any case. You mostly come into the "Mostly A's" above.
Mostly C's:
Geek Alert! Break out the pocket protector! With a set of horn rims and a pocket calculator, you're ready for Revenge Part #72. You can be the person that gets beat up all the time.
Mostly D's:
So you're a socipath; But that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Just keep taking the Lithium and everything'll be fine
Are you STILL a computer geek?
Ok, so you lucked out last time - you were about as socially adjusted as a onion and jelly sandwhich, BUT YOU MIGHT HAVE CHANGED! You may not be a computer geek any more! It's possible!!! (Not probable, but possible) Test yourself now!
1. It's a stag party for one of your friends. You and the rest of your friends all put money in for:
a. A set of driving mirrors
b. A stripper
c. A stripper with a set of driving mirrors
d. A VGA screen so he can check out alt.sex.pictures.of.girlies
2. You want to improve your social life. You
a. Ask people to go out with you.
b. Join a club to meet new people
c. Drink yourself unconcious and forget about it.
d. What's a social life?
3. You ideal partner would have:
a. Looks
b. Intelligence
c. Money
d. A 1.2 Gig Hard Drive, Twin floppies + SVGA screen, and 5 Meg Memory
4. You have the most horrific nightmare of your life. It involves:
a. You driving off a cliff
b. You showing up somewhere with no clothes on
c. A hungry alsation, your private parts and some tomato sauce.
d. A tax on pocket protectors and thick glasses
5. You're on blind date. The question you would ask is:
a. "Name the weirdest place you ever kissed someone"
b. "Name the weirdest place you ever made love"
c. "Name the weirdest place you ever played soggy biscuit"
d. "Name the weirdest place you ever booted MSDOS 4"
6. Your role model is:
a. Rudolf Steiner
b. Mother Theresa
c. Charlie Manson
d. R2D2
7. Your favourite fashion accessory is:
a. Winklepickers
b. Collar Studs
c. An axe
d. What's fashion?
8. If you had your life to live again, would you:
a. Make no changes
b. Make a few changes
c. Make a lot of changes
d. Upgrade to SVGA
9. Your favourite pickup line is:
a. "I've just won the lottery"
b. "Has anyone seen the keys to my Porsche?"
c. "$hit, I'm pissed"
d. "I'm superuser at work.."
10. During sexual climax, you think of:
a. Your partner
b. Your partner's body
c. Yourself
d. The 487 co-processor at 52 Meg
Scoring
You don't really need the score card do you? Mostly A's or B's means you're the normal run-of-the-mill, 90212 (the house next door) walk alike, talk alike that gives us real jerks a bad name; C's mean you're a.. Well, frankly, I don't know what you are, but it's probably treatable with large amounts of voltage, and D's of course means that you've got a fantastic career stretched out in front of you as far as your nose can see. Happy camping.
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