Clinton Jokes
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--- SECTION: Songs & Poems
_The Star Spangled Banner_
(revised for co-president Bill)
Oh, say can you see, a Clinton presidency?
Where we all get poor
Albeit e-qual-ly
Whose broad is he sleeping with?
Did he inhale or just take a whiff?
Character's not an issue,
Make Ted Kennedy president.
From the White House West Wing
You can hear Flowers scream
And the guv'ment's red ink
Gets worse with each week.
Oh, say does Billy Clinton remind you of Jimmy?
In the land of free health care and no GNP.
---Ralph D. Taite
---BTW, the President won't get mad about this will she, Bill?
"Jimmy Clinton's Blues"
written by Les Aspin Doctors
Well I don't know how to tell you this
A taxing day in Metropolis
I think I'll talk to my market analysts
Don't want to hear it from the journalists
More taxes coming and there's the proof
Bill and Hilly under the White House roof
I think we're all going down the drain
You know Congress ain't gonna feel his pain
Hillary's gonna put you in her plan
Don't close those doors now, no don't kill Superman
Come downtown and party with me tonight
I got a pocket full of Clintonite
Bill's breaking budgets in a single bound
He's making promises he can't live down
Give his policies four years and we'll all be free
He's Jimmy Carter not Bill Clinton, you'll see
He's been to Moscow, traveled the world
He's the one who got elected, but the President's
a Wellsley girl
Don't believe his New Democrat spiel
I know he'll borrow what he can't steal
---- Lyrics to "I am Hillary Hear Me Roar"
I am Hillary, hear me roar
I'm more important than Al Gore
I could run this country if I had the chance
I've got an office down the hall
so Bill can't fool around at all
in this White House family, I wear the pants
Oh, yes, I'm his wife
But I'm in love with politics
Oh, yes, this is the life
I might run in ninety six
If I have to, I will say anything
I am strong (strong)
I'm un-divorceable (divorceable)
I am Hillary!
Oh, yes, this is the life
I might run in ninety six
If I have to, I will say anything
I am strong (strong)
I'm un-divorceable (divorceable)
I am Hillary!
Bill Clinton Is My Sheppard, I Shall Not Want.
He Leadest Me By Still Factories And
Abandoned Farms. He Restoreth My Doubt
About The Democratic Party. He Anointeth My
Wages With Taxes And Inflation. So My
Expenses Runneth Over My Income. Surely
Poverty And Hard Living Shall Follow The
Democratic Party, And I Shall Follow The
democratic Party, And I Shall Work On A
rented Farm And Live In a Rented House Forever.
I'm Glad I'm An American, I'm Glad I'm Free.
I Wish I Were a Dog And Clinton Was a Tree.
Zipity do dah,
Zipity ay,
Billy boy's the prez,
Now we're all gonna pay.
They'll take all your money,
And give it away.
They'll leave you with nothin
for a rainy day.
[ Chorus ]
He's got a big chip on his shoulder
dont ask me why, cause I don't know.
He seems to really hate the mid class
he wants to knock you right down on your fat ass.
Zipity do dah
Zipity ay
Congress is behind him
now we're all gonna pay.
Energy taxes are rising each day
my house is gettin colder cause the gas went away
I can't fill my car so I can't get away
Dr. Kervorkian take my troubles away.
What Is A Deathocrat Made Of?
Oh, what is a Deathocrat made of?
Of purple haze and militant gaze.
That's what a Deathocrat's made of.
Of sullen cynics, abortion clinics.
That's what a Deathocrat's made of.
Of pseudo-scholars and guilt trip wallowers,
hollow woe hollerers and hollower followers,
cowerers, glowerers, frivolous borrowers.
That's what a Deathocrat's made of.
Party of the strange and twisted.
Champion of each vice once hissed at.
Mockers of the tried and true.
Seekers who have not A CLU.
Where kinky notions find a home,
from whence the dinky dollar is thrown
to anywhere unjustified
from out the middle class's hide.
Pretenders pressing vague agendas,
they pose as philanthropic menders.
Pitting class and class and class,
these scions of the stubborn ass.
Kill a tree and risk their might!!
Abortion? ... Why, a woman's right!
Depict George Bush as mad aggressor,
Castro as some quaint professor.
Appeasing all tyrants who act with bold violence,
with wishfulness, wistfulness, blissful dead silence,
they cheat on their spouses and back revolutions
where Marx and machine guns are posed as solutions.
They run in circles, swim in fees,
fly from responsibility.
A criminal will earn their pity
while victims mount in every city.
"The poor", they say, "we help upgrade!"
but back in 1978
with Democrats as the ruling tenants
of White House, Congress, and the Senate,
gaslines grew, inflation soared!
The poor did better under Ford.
Jimmy and Fritz looked pale and wan.
"Who can we possibly blame this on?"
The people, that's who, as they did when they said,
"Things are bad ... they won't get better.
It's not our fault. Go wear a sweater."
They spent other folks' money to garner votes and praises,
leaving indexed taxing brackets that meant automatic raises,
that moved the poor and middle class,
their 'special friends', they said,
to brackets where scant years before
the rich and fat had laid.
And when Reagan said at last, "Indexing has to go!",
they said, "The old will soon be dead!"
and similar cries of woe.
They cursed and wurst and fairly burst with ugly histrionics.
Inflation fell. But what the hell, it can't be Reaganomics!
The man's success left them a mess when he said with rhetoric blistery,
"The dreaded reds will make their beds on the old ash heap of history!
"Abortion is lethal and communists evil!!"
Oh, how these rubes are uncouth!
What gay-bashing, chauvinist, war-monger bigots!
When will they ever see truth?
So what is a Deathocrat made of?
What IS a Deathocrat made of?
Of moral despoilers, and strident annoyers,
devious lawyers, and porno mag voyeurs,
of prayer interdiction and socialist fiction,
stupid decisions and history revisions.
Of shear abdication as sex education,
equivocation and scorn for our nation.
Of asinine fratricide.
Bully for OUR side!
That's what a Deathocrat's made of.
AMEN!
"On the first day of Clinton, he promised we will see a tax cut for
you and for me.
"On the second day of Clinton, he promised we will see two more
million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
"On the third day of Clinton, he promised we will see three liberal
judges, two more million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
"On the fourth day of Clinton, he promised we will see four
balanced budgets, three liberal judges, two more million jobs, and a
tax cut for you and for me.
"On the fifth day of Clinton, he promised we will see five folding
wings of the Air Force. Four balanced budgets, three liberal judges,
two more million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
"On the sixth day of Clinton, he promised we will see six billion
in aid to students, five folding wings of the Air Force. Four balanced
budgets, three liberal judges, two more million jobs, and a tax cut
for you and for me.
"On the seventh day of Clinton, he promised we will see seven days
a week of health care, six billion in aid to students, five folding
wings (of the Air Force). Four balanced budgets, three liberal judges,
two more million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
"On the eighth day of Clinton, he promised we will see aid to
Somalia, seven days a week of health care, six billion in aid to
students, five folding wings (of the Air Force). Four balanced
budgets, three liberal judges, two more million jobs, and a tax cut
for you and for me.
"On the ninth day of Clinton, he promised we will see `nein' to
German competitors, aid to Somalia, seven days a week of health care,
six billion in aid to students, five folding wings (of the Air
Force). Four balanced budgets, three liberal judges, two more million
jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
"On the tenth day of Clinton, he promised we will see attention to
the deficit, `nein' to German competitors, aid to Somalia, seven days
a week of health care, six billion in aid to students, five folding
wings (of the Air Force). Four balanced budgets, three liberal judges,
two more million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
"On the eleventh day of Clinton, he promised we will see eleven
billion for Boris, attention to the deficit, `nein' to German
competitors, aid to Somalia, seven days a week of health care, six
billion in aid to students, five folding wings (of the Air
Force). Four balanced budgets, three liberal judges, two more million
jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me.
"On the twelfth day of Clinton, he promised we will see twelve jobs
for Hillary, eleven billion for Boris, attention to the deficit,
`nein' to German competitors, aid to Somalia, seven days a week of
health care, six billion in aid to students, five folding wings (of
the Air Force). Four balanced budgets, three liberal judges, two more
million jobs, and a tax cut for you and for me."
Slick Willy's Queen Berets (sung to the tune of The Green Berets)
Falling fairies from the skies;
I broke a nail, oh I could cry;
Don't you like how my tushy sways;
We are the fags of the Queen Berets.
Slick Willy's words upon my ears;
"You guys have rights, be proud you queers;"
I once was scared, now I'm OK;
Cause I'm a fag in the Queen Berets.
Put silver earclips on our nuts;
We love the pain, now spank our butts,
The way you walk is awfully cute;
I sure would love to pack your chute.
This Army stuff is really slick;
Free meals and clothes and lots of dick;
When I retire, I'll still get paid;
So thank you Bill, from the Queen Berets.
When my lover gets aids, I will not worry;
If the government won't pay we'll leave it to the jury;
All medical bills paid, I'm no longer afraid;
Thank you tax payers, from the Queen Berets.
I can't wait to jump in a fox hole;
I just hope that it's with Bob Hope;
They say he cares about all us soldiers;
We'll find out, when my hands are on his shoulders.
At the end of day we turn out the lights;
Practice torpedo runs into the night;
Then we practice our fencing, I thay touche;
We are the fags of the Queen Berets.
1993
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
Its time to sell my stocks
The market is down
And the clown's in town
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
1994
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
I must sell my smocks
National Healthcare is in
How can I win?
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
1995
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
I think I'll sell my socks
My feet will be cold
But I am not old
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
1996
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
I now live in a box
Thanks for the crate
But the TAX was too great
HILLary, BILLarY, Socks
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
The economy's taking hard knocks.
We voted to end...
We got "tax and spend"
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
Credibility's on the rocks.
From: a chicken in every pot.
To: a chicken who smoked pot.
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
(okay, so the meter's a little off ;-)
Hillary, Billary, Socks.,
My Taxes are up like my cock.
Took a look down,
But all I could do was frown,
Because the government removed my crown.
-Ross Perot '93
Hillary Billary Socks.
The First Lady wears the jocks.
Jennifer said
He's good in bed,
But the voters don't give a shnocks.
Hillary Billary Socks.
They listen when She talks.
"Now listen to me,"
Said she to he,
"Or else I'll change the locks."
Hillary Billary Socks.
The Congress of Hard Knocks.
Please send a fax
To axe the tax,
Or else they'll clean our clocks.
Hillary, Billary,, Socks....
Bill likes men who suck cocks.
Can the Army cope,
While picking up the soap?
Hillary, Billary, Socks....
Hillary, Billary, Socks
Now empty are our Docks
The tariffs so high
They reach the sky
Hillary, Billary, Socks
Hillary, Billary, Socks
The mice ran up the clock
The tax hit all
Except the Ball
Hillary, Billary, Socks
Hillary, Billary, Socks
How empty are our docks
The taxes hit and down we fell
Except for those on the Hill
Hillary, Billary, Socks
Hillary, Billary, Socks,
Our prez is taking knocks,
We all have played,
But the bills need paid,
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
Hillary Billary Socks.
The President's head's full of rocks.
He wants us to pay
More in taxes today.
Guess I'll have to wear holes in my socks.
Hillary Billary Socks.
The President's head's full of rocks.
His back's made of noodles
His cat chases poodles,
And his wife stirs a cauldron in frocks.
Hillary Billary Socks.
Let's stuff them all into a box.
Then drive down the road
With the slippery load
And hope it don't wear out the shocks.
Slick Willie you making us gag,
Your plan is NOT in the bag,
Your giving us the curse,
Now what could be worse?
4 years with Hillary on the rag!
Hey Bill, the truth cant be ducked,
In '96 the Dems will be bucked,
If they dont take it on the chin,
And we vote the bastards back in,
This nation will surely be fucked!
Slick-Willie, you make us gag,
Your plan is NOT in the bag,
You're giving us the curse,
Now what could be worse?
4-years with Hillary on the rag.
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
The Prez to the nation now talks:
"I'll cut spending," he said
"Just as soon as I'm dead."
Hillary, Billary, Socks.
Hillary, Billary, and Socks,
with the Clintons, the White House surly rocks.
But will the nation come to grips,
when, in the spirit of "Read my lips",
we fill in more in the "Amount you owe" box.
But the libs are in for a scare
Cause Slick Willy just isn't aware
That raising our tax
And spending the max
Will leave our economy bare.
You can sing it to the tune of "I'm Popeye the Sailor Man."
(to the tune of "THE ADAMS FAMILY")
They're slimy and they're cheesy
They're dedicated P.C.
They're altogether sleazy
The Clinton Family
da da da da tax tax
da da da da tax tax
da da da da da da da da da da da da tax tax
Their policies are daft
They'll gladly accept graft
Bill dodged the draft
The Clinton Family
da da da da
da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da tax tax
They're politics will disgrace
Your income will be displaced
Their daughter is a dog-face
The Clinton Family
da da da da
da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da tax tax
The wife is a commie
The husband is balmy
The A.G. is not a mommie
The Clinton Family
da da da da
da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da tax tax
I came up with this idea for a different kind of version of Fleetwood's
Don't Stop, I thought it was fitting since Clinton and Gore played this song
at their election party.
] "Don't Stop" (real lyrics have "] ]" before them)
]
] (original words by Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac)
]
] If you wake up and don't want to smile,
] If it takes just a little while,
] Open your eyes and look at the day,
] You'll see things in a different way.
If you wake up and don't want to file
It takes just a little while
Open your eyes and you're gonna pay
You'll see things in Hillary's way
] Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
] Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
] It'll be, better than before,
] Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
Don't start thinking about low taxes
Don't start, cause they won't be here,
They'll be, higher than before,
Reagan is gone, Reagan is gone
] Why not think about times to come,
] And not about the things that you've done,
] If your life was bad to you,
] Just think what tomorrow will do.
Why not think about bad times to come,
And not about the things that you've won,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what Bill Clinton will do!!
] Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
] Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
] It'll be, better than before,
] Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
Don't start thinking about low taxes,
Don't start, cause they won't be here,
They'll be, higher than before,
Clinton/Gore won, Clinton/Gore won
] All I want is to see you smile,
] If it takes just a little while,
] I know you don't believe that it's true,
] I never meant any harm to you.
All I want is to see you file,
It takes just a little while,
I know you don't believe that it's true,
I never meant any promise to you.
] Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
] Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
] It'll be, better than before,
] Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
Don't start, thinking about your money,
Don't start, it'll soon be here,
It'll be used, better than before,
Reagan is gone, Reagan is gone.
] Don't you look back,
Don't you feel taxed
] Don't you look back.
Don't you feel taxed
Subject: Bill ' Ricky Nelson ' Clinton!
Fools rush in
Where Europe fears to tread
And so I go to Bosnia
My ass around my head
Though I see
The danger there
If there's a chance to be like Kennedy
Then I don't care!
Fools rush in
Where wise men never go
But wise men never run for president
So how are they to know?
When we bombed
I felt an erection begin!
So open up the bays
And let this fool rush in
I am Clinton. Hear me roar!
As I send the troops to war!
And I spread the military across the land
But I'm still a small Nero
With a long, long way to go
Before I can invade Poland!
Yes, I lied. And my promises were feigned.
Yes, I dodged the draft
But look how much I gained!
If I want to, I can bomb ANYONE!
I am PRESIDENT!
I am INVINCIBLE!
I am Clllliiinnntttttoooonnnn!
War. So exciting and new
Come aboard. Bill's expecting you!
The War Boat,
Soon we'll be making another run
The War Boat,
Promises something for everyone
Put your mind on adventure
Set your sights on Cyrus Vance
And War
Won't hurt anymore
It's a Tomahawk blast
On a distant shore!
Hmmm. I see here [glancing at watch] that Bill's a little
ahead of schedule. The Poland Invasion is supposed to be
4-5 years AFTER the election. But, I should have known
Bill was an achiever after the Waco Easy-Pop Oven.
Here's my new-and-improved Barney song...
As sung by Bill and Hillary....
I Love you
You Love me
We are bill and Hillary
With programs that will make you sore,
We're political dinosaurs.
WILLIE'S ODE
Zoe then Kimba
another letdown,
why all these bozos
including Ron Brown?
Keep armed services strong
was a campaign intent,
and I'll strengthen morale
with the sexually bent.
The deficit problem
needs cuts by sharp axes,
but it's politically tough
so I'll ask for more taxes.
Taxes on gasoline
(take the bus or the train)
and a national sales tax
on all value gain.
Hillary will help us
on medical costs,
with a map to the West Wing
she'll never get lost.
By the time I get done
they'll all have had a lickin'
and it'll seem just like Little Rock
with my Tyson fried chicken.
More taxes and pandering
will be my legacy,
I conned them in Arkansas
and now in Washington D.C.
On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
A lone nut by the name of Lee
On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
2 Mafia thugs
and a lone nut by the name of Lee
On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
3 federal agents
2 Mafia thugs
and a lone nut by the name of Lee
On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
4 Cuban hitmen
3 federal agents
2 Mafia thugs
and a lone nut by the name of Lee
On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
The Dallas P.D.
4 Cuban hitmen
3 federal agents
2 Mafia thugs
and a lone nut by the name of Lee
On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
6 Russian snipers
the Dallas P.D.
4 Cuban hitmen
3 federal agents
2 Mafia thugs
and a lone nut by the name of Lee
On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
7 Corporations
6 Russian snipers
the Dallas P.D.
4 Cuban hitmen
3 federal agents
2 mafia thugs
and a lone nut by the name of Lee
On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
8 right wing loonies
7 corporations
6 Russian snipers
the Dallas P.D.
4 Cuban hitmen
3 federal agents
2 mafia thugs
and a lone nut by the name of Lee
On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
9 postal workers
8 right wing loonies
7 corporations
6 Russian snipers
the Dallas P.D.
4 Cuban hitmen
3 federal agents
2 mafia thugs
and a lone nut by the name of Lee
On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
10 Nazi soldiers
9 postal workers
8 right wing loonies
7 corporations
6 Russian snipers
the Dallas P.D.
4 Cuban hitmen
3 federal agents
2 Mafia thugs
and a lone nut by the name of Lee
On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
11 ninja masters
10 Nazi soldiers
9 postal workers
8 right wing loonies
7 corporations
6 Russian snipers
the Dallas P.D.
4 Cuban hitmen
3 federal agents
2 Mafia thugs
and a lone nut by the name of Lee
On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
12 space invaders
11 ninja masters
10 Nazi soldiers
9 Postal workers
8 right wing loonies
7 corporate interests
6 Russian snipers
the Dallas P.D.
4 Cuban hitmen
3 federal agents
2 Mafia thugs
and a lone nut by the name of Lee
A VISIT FROM ST. HICK
(c) 1993 Christopher M. Mislow
'Twas late Christmas eve, and throughout the White House
All slumbered but Socks (who was chewing a mouse)
When all of a sudden a thunderous roar
Rattled the East Wing from rafter to floor.
Unsure if the noise was just gas or artillery,
Bill Clinton took action: he deputized Hillary.
In her robe and her slippers, she trudged to the source
Of the noise and saw nothing, but then heard a coarse
Texas twang from the fireplace clamor
"Down here! Are y'all just as blind as those tinhorn reindeer?"
There, on the hearth, 'midst the timber and tinder,
Sat H. Ross Perot, all covered wit cinder.
"Your flue," he complained, "is disgusting with soot.
You gave far too many staff members the foot.
Cutting budgets is wonderful; better is cheaper.
But you need either Zoe's or Kimba's housekeeper.
From ashes that thick, someone's breathing might fail.
Thank goodness, like Bill, that I didn't inhale."
"Why, Ross," replied Hillary, "pray tell what is it
To which Bill and I owe this Christmas Eve visit?
You're certainly welcome to use the front door.
Did you come down the chimney to hide from Al Gore?"
Shaking the layer of ash from his head,
Ross brushed his flattop, glowered and said:
"No, M'am. I'm a shareholder in Santa Claus, Inc.,
Whose dividends recently started to sink.
When I finally cornered old Santa himself,
He offered to hire me on as an elf!
So I planned my attack, set my financing snares,
Then bought all the company's outstanding shares.
Christmas trees won't be all that get trimmed from now on;
The era of deficit budgets is gone.
The business is gonna be run right because
All day, every day, now I am Santa Claus."
From his inside coat pocket Ross whipped out a chart
And a pointer he brandished with well-practiced art.
"Now, you look at this. You see this here graph?
The way Santa's workshop was run is a laugh.
Those North Pole utility bills are a joke,
And the union-scale wages will soon have us broke.
We need much, much cheaper electrical power,
And elves who don't make fifteen dollars an hour."
For dramatic effectiveness, Ross took a pause,
Then resumed his debut as the new Santa Claus.
"Each new day brings another environment rule.
Recycling toys is a pain in the Yule!
The slogan 'keep the North Pole white'
Is driving expenditures clear out of sight.
Luckily, NAFTA provides a solution,
A haven in which I can discharge pollution
Into the air or the land of my neighbor,
Where the powe union committee:
I'm moving the workshop to Mexico City."
Then, in a twinkle, up the chimney he went,
Back through the soot out the cold rooftop vent.
But not before saying, with a wink and a nod,
"Buenas noches, Miss Hillary, and Feliz Navidad!"
Kenna-Day-O
Kenna-day, Kenna-day, Kenna-day, Kenna-day-ay-o
Kennedy clan is in trouble once more
Say Mr. Kennedy put back your banana
Kennedy clan is in trouble once more
Uncle Ted is naked out on the veranda
Kennedy clan is in trouble once more
Late one night down in Palm Beach town
Kennedy clan is in trouble once more
Brought young girl back to the big compund
Kennedy clan is in trouble once more
Hormones. Hormones.
Kennedy clan is in trouble once more
Kenna-day-o, Kenna-day-ay-o
Kennedy clan is in trouble once more
Up in Chappaquiddick Teddy looked for romance
Kennedy clan is in trouble once more
JFK couldn't keep it in his own pants
Kennedy clan is in trouble once more
Kenna-day-o, Kenna-day-o
Kennedy clan is in trouble once more
Kenna-day-o, Kenna-day-o
Hormones are raging, they won't leave us alone
(written by Robert Wohlfield)
_The Ted Kennedy Jig_ (make it sound Irish)
Ohhhh,
Your father is dead and
Your mother is dead and
Your brother is dead and
Your brother is dead and
Your car doesn't float.
DON'T STOP
Original song lyrics
to the tune of "Don't Stop"
(_Rumours_ -- Fleetwood Mac)
------------------------------------------
If you wake up and aren't in the mood,
If your love life just isn't good,
Open your fly, and call the police,
You'll soon be under different sheets.
Don't stop thinking about adultery,
Don't stop, you'll soon get some,
It'll be better than before,
Hillary's gone, Hillary's gone.
Why not think about your next date,
And not about the affairs of state?
If your wife was bad to you,
Just think who tomorrow you'll screw.
Don't stop...
All we want is to get some too,
And not just wait outside for you,
We know they'll all believe that it's true,
After we go and tell on you.
Don't stop...
Ooooooh, don't you lose count.
Ooooooh, don't you lose count.
Row, row, row your boat,
Quickly to the States.
Hurrily, hurrily, hurrily,
Clinton such a snake.
A little health care poem:
So you want a right to health care?
I'm glad to hear it, friend.
We've bundled up a bunch of laws
To help you meet that end.
A friendly little system, where,
No matter what your state,
We'll slice your paycheck, just because
It makes us feel so great.
And if you're feeling poorly, well,
We'll put you on the list
Of those who need a doctor bad...
And if you still exist
A year from now - why - what the hell
We'll let you see a nurse
Who'll tell you what it was you had
And why it's gotten worse.
We'd let you see a doc, except
We're kind of understaffed.
We told them what we'd pay them now
And most of them just laughed.
We threatened them, we begged, we wept,
And told them they must stay.
But strangely - we're not sure just how -
They all have slipped away.
Worry not! We'll fix you yet!
We're training new recruits.
Fellows much too bright to go on
Sweeping streets and shining boots.
They're doing great at school - you bet!
We're grading on the curve!
Brains they're slightly low on,
But we believe they'll SERVE!
If Bill Clinton weren't Slick Willy,
He'd take a sterner line.
Say a 'no', and transfer stiffness
From his phallus to his spine.
-- Anonymous
In honor of Co-President Bill's trip to KC:
Waal, Ah'm goin' to Kansas City.
Kansas City, here Ah come.
There's lots of pretty women there,
And Ah'm goin ``interview'' me one.
Ah might take a plane,
Ah might take a train,
But if Ah can get a room,
Ah'm goin' to go there jus' the same.
Ah'm goin' to Kansas City,
Flyin' there in Air Force One.
Get away from Hillary,
and have mah'self some fun.
Ah'm goin' to Kansas City,
Goin' there to take a chance.
Check into mah hotel room, and
walk around without any pants.
Waal, Ah'm goin' to Kansas City.
Kansas City, here Ah come.
There's lots of pretty women there,
And Ah'm goin ``interview'' me one.
Fadeout and Voice over:
"Where's them secretaries Ah ordered...?
Don't keep me waiting, Ah'm the leader
of the free world..."
Bill Clinton was feeling quaite spry,
And all of his friends testify
That he wrestled with Newt
And he slapped a recruit,
And they say that he opened his fly.
One night before Clinton ate,
He called up a girl for a date;
But Hillary was shrewd
And his plan came unglued,
And they never did conjugate.
Bill Clinton has lust in his heart,
And Paula is only a part
Of the ones he undressed
That he never confessed,
And, for records, he has a fine chart.
Originals by Al Willis
THE HOODWINKING HILL/BILLY'S
(To the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies)
Come listen to my story 'bout a man named Bill
Became president and made the country ill
He said bend on over and I'll stick it in your ***
Then he took all our money with an energy tax.
(Contribution, that is- a down payment on our poverty)
The next thing you know his wife is takin' charge
All the people said "Let's kick 'em outta there"
Said Arkansas is the place they oughta be
So they kicked 'em outta office in 1993.
(Impeachment, that is - save America, Get rid of the Clintons)
Yet another Clinton theme song: "You Don't Send Me Flowers (Anymore)
I am Hillary of Borg.
Bill is irrelevant.
Congress is irrelevant.
Your health care will be assimilated.
There once was a dweeb named Clinton
who in the military did no stint in.
But with his guile
and a pandering smile,
on a road to ruin was bent on.
I am Clinton of Dummycrat.
Resistance is futile.
Keeping what you earn is futile.
Conservatives are irrelevant.
Self reliance is irrelevant.
We are superior.
We will play the race card.
We will play the class envy card.
We will lie when we need to.
You will be assimilated.
You will become one with the Dummycrats.
I am Lenin of Borsche.
Kounter-resistance is futile.
Kapitalism is irrelevant.
Demokracy is irrelevant.
You will be re-eduKated.
I am Clinton of (check the polls)
Compromise is futile
Beliefs are irrelevant
Leadership is irrelevant
You will be exacerbate
I am Clinton of Borg
Resistance is futile
Ugh....
Umm......
It's all Rush's fault!
Five Thousand Years Ago Moses Said: "Pack Up
Your Camel, Pick Up Your Shovel, Move Your
Ass And I Will Lead You To The Promised
Land." Five Thousand Years Later Franklin D.
Roosevelt Said: "Lay Down Your Shovel, Sit On
Your Ass, Light Up A Camel, This Is The
Promised Land." This Year Bill Clinton Will
Take Your Shovel, Sell Your Camel, Kick Your
Ass, And Tell You He Gave Away The Promised Land.
ODE TO CONNIE DUNG
(To be whispered to someone- just between you and them.)
There once was a woman named Chung,
Who lied to Newt's mom with her tongue.
After that Connie said, "Yes, I confess,"
"I'm a Pro-Clinton Communist pest,"
"From now on just call me CONNIE DUNG."
[Somebody wrote:]
I saw a cartoon with Bill Clinton dressed as Barney (labeled Blarney)
singing:
"I love you,
and you love me,
send me all of your money"
Toilet Grafitti
Here I sit,
Eyes a squintin'
Givin' birth
To another Clinton
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