The Giant List of Toilet Graffiti
Compiled by Mark Walsh (mswalsh@cats.ucsc.edu) with a little help from his
net.friends...
From: bonomi@delta.eecs.nwu.edu (Robert Bonomi)
From the Computer Center:
Free the PDP-11 (*very* old!)
Free the CDD-6600 (*almost* as old, a much -bigger- type of computer)
---
From: DURITSA@calvin.cc.duq.edu
You probably already have this one, but just in case you don't....
If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Please be neat
And wipe the seat.
From a ladies room somewhere in Pennsylvania......
---
From: Tom Cowan [popcorn@crl.com]
Well here are just a few grout writing examples off the top of my head. Hope
there are a few new ones for you...
The Grout Divide
Down and Grout
Grout of sight, Grout of mind
Groutul Dead
Saur Grout
Grout Expectations
Grout Googly Moogly
The Grout Groutdoors
Sometimes a Grout Notion
Grout Expectations
Three Strikes Your Grout
---
From: SCOTT [SSJORDAN@utxvms.cc.utexas.edu]
"Ambiguity is the Devil's Tether-ball"
- The Crown and Anchor Pub, Austin TX (1990-1992)
---
From: Christ van Willegen [rcsacw@urc.tue.nl]
I sit here and contemplate
Should I shit or masturbate
Found in a toilet in my old school, somewhere in The Netherlands, in the
city of Venlo
---
From: hm@star.rl.ac.uk (Huw Morris)
God knows why you're doing this, but...
"I feel so strongly about toilet graffiti, I signed a partition." :-)
---
From: mr27092@fmrco.com (David P. Hayes)
U of Vt. library men's room:
It is holy and devout to write graffiti in the grout.
---
From: kst@alsys.com (Keith Thompson @pulsar)
Where: Men's restroom, Hamburguesa restaurant, Old Town, San Diego, CA
(The restaurant has since changed its name; I don't remember the
current name).
When: A couple of years ago, maybe??
What: The paper towel dispenser had the usual "Wash your Hands" / "Lavese
las Manos" sign on it. Below "Lavese las Manos", someone had
written "... and his big-band sound".
---
From: BROBBINS@admin.cabot.nf.ca
My favorite little anecdote, which I saw written on the toilet stall wall in
the Engineering Building on the campus of Memorial University of Newfoundland
located in St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada, is as follows:
"I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER!" - to which someone else wrote:
"GO HOME DAD YOU'RE DRUNK!"
---
From: evansb@pairgain.com (Bill Evans)
"Richard Nixon should pull out before it's too late, just
like his father should've."
Humanities Hall, second floor, men's room, U.C. Irvine,
early to middle 1970's.
---
From: rumley@netcom.com (Richard Rumley)
Seen in the school restroom in a small town in Montana:
'If you can pee above this line, the West Yellowstone Fire Department
wants you!'
---
From: dmarti@sun1.iusb.indiana.edu (Don Marti)
Here I sit
In Noxious Vapor
Someone has used all the paper
I'm late for class
I cannot linger
Look out ass
Here comes my finger.
Ballantine Hall, IU-Bloomington
---
From: jonk@maple.circa.ufl.edu
1) In front of urinal at Baked in Telluride (CO): "Dont look now but
you've got your best friend by the neck"
2) Nt sure of location: " If black is beuatiful, I just shit a
masterpiece"
3) Also not sure of location, although I thinj it was in Telluride as
well: " Here I sit broken hearted, tried to shit, but only farted"
---
From: Joseph Crowe [jcrowe@mpd.tandem.com]
From the restroom of Maggie Mae's, 6th St., Austin TX.
Why can't we just all get a bong...
From the restroom of some nameless crawfish restaurant in the middle
of nowhere off of I-10 in southern Louisiana:
Nixon did for America what pantyhose did for finger fucking....
---
From: Stephen Brooks [thephal@gibbs.oit.unc.edu]
I'm sorry I don't have something more enlightening to offer, especially
from a graduate library bathroom, but here's what was in my stall in my
most recent visit:
Tell us how long your dick is.
|
V
I can't find it.
Break with the status quo! Form a workers' CPUSA party!
These are from the first floor public men's bathroom in Davis Library,
UNC-Chapel Hill, Chapel Hill, NC.
---
From: Philippe Benichou [benichop@sunrise.cse.fau.edu]
Imagine you are reading this as you are trying to take a dump...
Eat shit! 1.9 trillion flies (estimated population of flies) can't be ALL wrong.
---
From: Roger Myhre [myhre@oslonett.no]
This toilettpaper is like Clint Eastwood, though and hard,
and takes no shit.
---
From: "Gerhardt, Lynne" [ADLG%NMUMUS.bitnet@vm42.cso.uiuc.edu]
My personal favorite:
"My mother made me a whore"
and someone had added:
"If I give her the yarn, will she make me one too?"
---
From: asar@isi.com (Kumar Asar x552)
Location: University of Austin, Texas. Taylor building (I think - it was a
long time back). Computing Center.
Graffiti: Next to the toilet paper: "UT degree - please take one"
---
From: Vijayanivas Ramachandran Raghu [vraghu@gibbs.oit.unc.edu]
Hi,
Here is one from INDIA.
Found in mens room Eros Cinema in Bombay
" Neighbor's envy, Owner's Pride"
This is originally from a TV commercial.
---
From: spvs@warthog.ru.ac.za (MR V SONNE)
All are sort of traditional in mens rest rooms in the UK.
1)"Life's like a pubic hair on toilet bowl - you soon get pissed off"
2)Written above head height in the urinals:
"If you can piss this far you should join the fire brigade"
3)If mens brains were as big as their balls
there would be a lot less writing on toilet walls.
4) Also written on the urinals:
"Remember - more than three shakes is a wank"
5)One more from the urinals:
"No matter how much you shake your peg
The last drop always runs down your leg"
---
From: billwill@netcom.com (William Smithers)
"Don't throw cigarette butts in the urinal, as it makes them
soggy and hard to light."
---
From: jamesr@uts.amdahl.com (Jim Richard)
Marx didn't know that Bismarck would invent unemployment insurance.
-Dwinelle Hall, U.C. Berkeley
When I die I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like grandfather.
Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
In Golden Gate Park:
Arrest Nixon for the assassination of JFK! Listen to the tapes!
Shortly after Nixon died, someone wrote underneath this:
Nevermind.
---
From: John Griffin [oldguy@hebron.connected.com]
Seen (not by me) in the women's room at the Inside Passage tavern in
Seattle, around 1972:
ANAL INTERCOURSE IS FOR ASSHOLES
---
From: Klaas [kdjong@bio.vu.nl]
I remember a line on a toilet in an inn on Texel (a famous(?) Dutch island)
which was written just under the ceiling under a line and it said: Who ever
can piss above this line is requested to the local fire department.
Well, actually it was written in Dutch, but the translation will be better
understandable for you. If you'r interested, the original line is: Wie
boven deze lijn kan pissen, wordt verzocht zich te melden bij de
plaatselijke brandweer.
And on my high school in my home town, Zwijndrecht, the Netherlands, there
was a line in English:
Some come here to sit and think, others come to shit and stink, I've come
here to scratch my balls and write some bullshit on the walls.
And another one, I don't remember where it was, but it was written very low
on the left wall and said something like: If you read this, you're pissing
on your right shoe.
Since a couple of months the light in the toilets of our university
(Department of Biology, Free University Amsterdam, the Netherlands) go out
automatically and unfortunately this will happen if you are sitting down
for over three minutes. So, somebody wrote on the door (in Dutch): Do you
also think the light is going out too soon?
And somebody else wrote under that: No, you have to learn to let go.
In Dutch this is: Vind je ook dat het licht zo snel uitgaat?
Nee, je moet leren loslaten.
---
From: "jonathan (j.) harrod" [jharrod@bnr.ca]
"Jesus saves souls,
and turns them in for fabulous cash prizes!"
Crown & Anchor, Austin, Tx.
"Kirk Out"
Written above a urinal, Gingerman, Austin, Tx.
"668, the neighbor of the beast"
Crown & Anchor, Austin, Tx.
"Save the whales - collect the whole set"
Crown & Anchor, Austin, Tx.
Here's one that had a lot of additions to it, which I'll try to represent
with little arrows. I hope it comes across clear enough. It's a good
example of people reading things differently (mind you, the original graffiti
was somewhat sloppy, allowing for the subsequent "discussion"). Oh yeah,
it starts with "A guy goes...".
Is that an "i" or an "o"? ___
|
___Is that a "u" or an "a"? [--I can't believe how blind you are
|
A guy goes to lunch with his mother
what he means to say is "pass the butter"
but what comes out is "you f&#&*ed up my life you bitch"
It all comes from the Crown & Anchor in Austin, Tx. I hope you can follow
it. It's pretty funny when you're there (and drunk).
---
From: JMP100S@oduvm.cc.odu.edu
Two of my favorites.
In the computer centers mens bathroom:
"For a Good Time - Email mac100s@oduvm"
and
"The MAIN thing is to keep the MAIN thing the Main thing.
---
From: ST4I1@Jetson.UH.EDU
This probably isn't what you're looking for (ther isn't much to analyze ling-
uistically), but my personal favorite in this genre is from Kurt Vonnegut's
_God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater_:
People who write on bathroom walls
Roll their shit into little balls.
Those who read their words of wit,
eat those little balls of shit.
---
From: Steve Kelem [kelem@xilinx.com]
Seen in the mens' room in a women's dorm at USC:
"Just think of the miles of Fallopian tubes that surround you that you won't
be able to get near."
---
From: ara@mvuas.att.com
the ultimate is: "stamp out graffiti"
---
From: pbretz@MAIL.UTEXAS.EDU (Peter A. Bretz)
From the men's room of The Hole In The Wall, Austin, TX, 1993:
Milk the cow
Feed the hen
My life is yours
You kill
---
From: cunningm@gusun.acc.georgetown.edu
I go (went) to Georgetown University, and in the Men's bathroom of
Lauinger Library there are a whole bunch of GROUT sayings.:
the grout gatsby, grout expectations, grout balls of fire, all creatures
grout and small, grout fishing in America, grout dane, grout scott
alexander the grout
in the Intercultural Center on the first floor, on the floor between two
stalls, it reads:
"tap foot. if other person taps back, kneel under for j.o. or
b.j"
In New South (a dorm) in a bathroom stall it reads: "I'm so handsome"
also in New South : "Poke Smot" accompanied by a smiley face--
---
From: jammin@hogbbs.scol.pa.us (Ben Barrett)
"What [the fuck] are you looking up here for;
the joke's in your hand."
-written 6 to 6 1/2 feet up a wall above a urinal.
---
From: jdross@sdcc13.ucsd.edu (John Ross)
Here is a contribution from the men's restroom on the third
floor of McGill Hall on the UCSD campus.
"Picard & Riker, '69"
"Don't give in to authority!"
"We have a women's resource center on campus,
but no men's resource center. Why is this?"
All of the above were written on the toilet paper
dispenser in a period of about four weeks.
"Reagan was cool"
"Democrats suck"
"10,000 Maniacs"
"The Wedding Present"
All of the above are grout collections, written on
grout of one of the walls in a stall. These are the
only ones that I remember offhand. I know there are
a few other band/group references, but they slip my
mind at this time.
---
From: seymann@ACAVAX.LYNCHBURG.EDU
I don't know if this is the kind of thing you want or not, but I found it quite
amusing when I first saw it on a men's room wall in a chinese restaurant in
Soho, London.
TOLKIEN IS HOBBIT FORMING
---
From: papianni@andromeda.rutgers.edu (Mark Papianni)
I have an entire book on bathroom graffiti entitled
"Graffiti From the Head"
Probably out of print but you may want to check your bookstore.
---
From: knight@trafalgar.asd.sgi.com (John Knight)
This one followed the TILE theme:
It's from the Electronic Engineering building at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo,
above a urinal. It went something like this, each word was from a different
person:
FUTILE, INFANTILE, HOSTILE, LITTILE, SENILE, MOBILE ....
---
From: karmstro@skidmore.EDU (kimberly armstrong)
Your post reminded me of a great piece of graffiti that I saw in our
school's library - it was written on a wall, so it probably doesn't
count, but I thought I'd give you a buzz anyway.
It read: "Democrats are all liberal hippie freaks"
---
From: cousins@pairgain.com (Cliff Cousins)
I used to work for TRW in Redondo Beach. One day I saw the largest collection of "grout
sayings" ever ... The interesting thing to me was that the grout wasn't very wide ... more like a
line. So the grout sayings all included some reference to "lines" These were written both in the
vertical and horizontal spaces. A few I remember are:
Reply line ...
Hold the line ...
don't feed me a line ...
bus line ...
What's my line ???
End of the line ...
etc.
---
From: Todd.J.Levy@um.cc.umich.edu
The last graffitti
i saw went something like this.
"Someone must stop Michael Jackson from molesting our children!"
To which some added "You should stop letting your children hang out with
a man who has made a living being a freaky weirdo."
If you dont like that one, I also saw another two parter. It said
" JESUS SAVES " and underneath someone wrote in pencil
"Gretsky rebounds...wrap-around..He shoots, he scores."
---
From: Multibeast@aol.com
Not ambigiuous, but a personal favorite. In my high school bathroom, above
one of the urinals (caps locks = different person writing), it says:
WHAT R U LAUGHING AT, THE JOKES IN YOUR HAND
I
I
I
V
but im not holding your d**k
I
I
I
V
EXACTLY
---
From: Eugene Ehrbar [maxehr@acpub.duke.edu]
My current
favorite bathroom graffiti (besides the obligatory wallborn personal ads
penned by gays) is a recent exchange posted on the wall of the first floor
men's room in Perkins Library. The "bait" reads "Fight for the rights of
the pansexual." After the usual bible-beater remarks about how
homosexuality is a sin, and all pansexuals will therefore burn in hell,
there was a string of humorous responses. The first was "Does that mean
you fuck a little guy with hooves and a flute?" they followed:
"or does he fuck you?"
"and what role, if any, is played by the flute?"
"It plays an octave, albeit minor, role."
...so you can do what you like with that.
Another constant source of bathroom prose is the men's stall in the Duke
Coffehouse, my place of employment. (In terms of more grand-scale mural
decoration, the warehouse-like interior of the Coffeehouse was recenly
team-graffitied by a gang of certifiable nocturnal freaks. The ensuing art
was quite inspired :) but I digress...) The bathroom first began to show
signs of habitation (I like to think of it like cave paintings...) my
freshman year. Tags may have dated before my arrival, but the stall had
apparently been recently painted over upon my arrival. One sequence
started with:
ROSS PEROT
~anagram~
SORE SPORT
Someone else continued:
~anagram~
SPORE SORT
~anagram~
PROSE ROTS
~anagram~
TORR POSSE
~anagram~
ROOT PRESS
At this point it became ridiculous.
Another scrawler had written:
"Don't try to decribe the ocean if you've never seen it." (a Jimmy Buffett
quote) to which someone else replied "It's no larger than the space
between your ears". This was followed by "You too, my friend; you're so
deep you're drowning".
In the third floor bathroom of the Student Center, one squatter scrawled:
"Insanity is to art what garlic is to salad."
to which someone replied:
"Waiter, there's too much garlic in my salad."
---
From: Hroom@aol.com
My favorite shitter at my old high school was the official racism/hate forum.
I'll try to reconstruct what most of the messages read:
"White Power
{white power symbol}
Take the power back"
"Get back behind the woodpile, boy"
"White boys can suck black and mexican dick!"
Addressing all of these sordid racist offerings, I left my own message, a
paraphrase from Bill Burroughs:
"I am not paid to read this drivel. You are all terminal fools."
There were also a few drug-related scrawlings, which consisted of a large
mandala which said in large letters 'Smoke Pot,' and the following two
messages:
"50% of the students here smoke marijuana"
and in response to this was written (with an arrow):
"That's why PSHS is only ranked {some number} in the nation"
(PSHS=Plano Senior High School)
---
From: tmm2@cc.bellcore.com
My all time favority grafiti was on the latrine wall in a Boy Scout camp
in northern NJ in 1959:
We who write on shithouse walls,
roll our shit in little balls.
You who read our words of wit,
Gobble up these balls of shit.
---
From: "Josh Piven[Shopper]" [72241.2312@CompuServe.COM]
Under a sign that said "Employees Must Wash Hands," someone scribbled "I waited
and waited, but I finally washed them myself." Not that great, but okay.
This one, however, is classic:
Someone had written "I fucked your mother." Underneath, someone had scribbled
"Go home Dad, you're drunk."
---
From: RWRIEMER@DEPAUW.EDU
I saw this in Chester Street, a gay bar in Champaign, IL.
In the men's bathroom, inside of a stall, it said "Joe eats pussy".
---
From: mcintyre@indial1.io.com (Michael Stewart mcintyre@io.com)
UT Campus Austin, TX -
urine the bathroom.
urine trouble.
Look what a mess urine.
---
From: wotnow@mace.cc.purdue.edu (James A. Gardner)
Seen in a local bar, recently:
"For a good time, call ###-#### and
ask for Mary. For a BAD time, tell
Mary where you got this number."
---
From: Oregon Episcopal School [oespeter@CLASS.ORG]
how bout this little ditty discovered in a public toilet in London?
As you sit to take a shit
Rest a while and think a bit,
The last time that I beat my meat,
Was on this very toilet seat.
THE ABOVE DOES NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT THE OPINIONS OF OREGON
EPISCOPAL
SCHOOL, THE EPISCOPAL DIOCESE OF WESTERN OREGON, OR ITS DIRECTORS.
---
From: bomcco01@engr.uky.edu (Bart O McCoy)
Restroom grafitti:
(male only- written above urinal)
"Stand close. It's shorter than you think."
---
From: rachelg@qualix.com (Rachel Goodman)
A guy told me about this piece of graffiti he saw in a bathroom. He was sitting
down doing this business, and he saw some very small writing on the bottom of
the door. So he bent over to read it. It read " If you can read this, you're
shitting at a 45 degree angle!!
---
From: jkillebr@amgen.com (James)
old graffiti in NYC at a bookstore down about 3rd street (BTW a really
great bookstore) the graffito was in the restroom
"In '72 vote for Kennedy and Eagleton
the waterproof, shockproof ticket"
---
From: Lois Bartolone [bartolon@eden.rutgers.edu]
Well, I had trouble thinking of good graffiti, but this is decent, I guess:
Someone (I did find out the perpetrator later) scrawled on a bathroom stall
"Primis suckz" (sic). I found out that he really doesn't like Primus. He
didn't realize that "Primus sucks" is a compliment to Primus in its little
circle...you know, some type of private joke with Primus. You say "Primus
sucks" but you mean "Primus is cool". Whatever....I've rambled on enough.
Hope it helped.
---
From: kevin@niko.unl.edu (Kevin C. Clements)
As a boy, my Dad used to fish off the end of a pier in the San
Fransisco Bay. There was an old-style outhouse (no longer there) on
the pier, put there by the owner. Apparently the owner got tired of
people making a mess of his outhouse, so he wrote the following on the
wall inside:
If you shit
upon the floor,
I will lock
the shithouse door.
-- Owner
A person who apparently had frequent need to visit the outhouse
responded below the owner's message with:
If the shithouse
door you lock,
I'll throw your shithouse
off the dock.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ad view is of m | Mark Walsh -- U.C. Santa Cruz -- mswalsh@cats.ucsc.edu
ehre e | "I wanna make it so cold in here that if you fall asleep
v aze... | your snot will freeze, and when you snore an icicle will
The o m a ni | shoot up and pierce your brain!" -- Dr. Gene Scott
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