The following parody of this famous net.loon was written by me. It may be
copied and redistributed at will, provided that you do not modify, bend,
fold or mutilate it. Please leave this header and my name with the file.
"Mystery Science Theatre 3000" and its characters are (c) Best Brains, Inc.
This is done without their permission, but I hope they like it.
No warranties of any kind, expressed or implied, are given. Batteries not
included. May not be suitable for small children. Keep away from pets and
small farm animals. Do not immerse in water. Do not pass "Go", do not
collect $200. Half price admission for fish.
John Mechalas
mechalas@expert.cc.purdue.edu
john@jg.cso.uiuc.edu
71673.3041@compuserve.com
--------------------------------- Cut here 8[ --------------------------------
ATTACKING THE MESSENGER
mcelwre@cnsvax.uwec.edu (Robert McElwaine) writes:
]
[Tom] Joel, why do we keep getting these things?
[Joel] Well, Tom, I think the Mads are really trying to do us in..
] ATTACKING THE MESSENGER
[Tom] Now THAT'S the best idea I've heard all day!
[Joel] Now, Tom, be nice. You haven't even read the whole thing yet.
It might be very informative.
[Tom] Yeah, right, Joel! Tell me another one!
] It has been my experience for a long time that most
] people are
[Crow] people, so why should it be...
[All] *sings* "...that you and I should get along so aw-ful-ly?"
] TOO IMMATURE to handle the Truth
[Tom] The TRUTH!
] about ANY-thing.
] They prefer OFFICIAL LIES
[Crow] Please register your lies with the moderator
] and HALF-TRUTHS, (mixed with
[Tom] A pinch of salt and two eggs
] a lot
] of WORTHLESS TRIVIA),
[Joel] Isn't that redundant?
] in place of the UN-official Truth;
[Joel] The Truth!
[Tom] The Truth...
] it
] makes them FEEL more
[Tom] Warm and fuzzy all over!
[Joel] Like a Teddy bear!
] "SECURE", like a child's
[Crow] Diaper?
] blanket.
[Crow] Ah..
] Whenever they are confronted with information and
] supporting
[Crow] No one will be admitted during the death-defying "supporting"
sequence.
] evidence that contradicts their established belief
] system, they FREAK OUT
[Joel] Oh, NO!! Disco's Back!!! Ahhhhh!
[Tom] Ahhhh!
[Crow] Ahhhhh!
[Joel] Run away!
[Tom and Crow] Run away!! Run away!
[All] Run away!!!
] and even ATTACK
[Joel] "of the killer tomatoes!"
] or try to SILENCE The
] Messenger.
[Tom] "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
] They did it to Jesus Christ, Galileo,
[Joel] Voyager, Pioneer, Magellan, Viking...
] and many
] other great People, [So I am in good company.].
[Tom] Really?? Well, thank you for the compliment!
[Crow] Yeah! I always thought we *were* pretty good company.
[Joel] Uh, guys, I'm not so sure that's what he really meant...
] Even the
] Christian Bible (Matthew 7:6) warned about the HAZARDS of
[Crow] drinking and driving.
] casting Pearls of Wisdom before
[Tom] proper warm-up exercises.
] SWINE.
]
] "The more things change, the more they STAY THE SAME!"
[All] *bzzzzt* Seen it!
] They should INSTEAD read FOR
[Crow] the blind.
] THEMSELVES the Messenger's
] CITED
[Tom] traffic violations
] SOURCES.
]
] In spite of the APPEARANCE (ILLUSION)
[Joel] Hey, look, guys! Multiple choice!
[Tom] Appearance!
[Crow] Illusions!
[All] None of the above!
] of advancement and
] sophistication,
[Tom] Not since "Fire Maidens from Outer Space" has such advancement and
sophistication been so evident!
] modern society is
[Tom] in general, fairly modern.
] STILL IN THE DARK AGES and
] LONG OVERDUE for a NEW
[Crow] episode of "Moonlighting"
] renaissance, which I am trying to
] help speed up.
[Tom] heh heh heh...If you were going any slower, guy, we'd all be moving
backwards!
[Joel] You know, I just don't feel all that enlightened...
[Crow] Perhaps that's a good thing, Joel.
] Robert E. McElwaine
[Joel] You said it Crow...let's get out of here.
[Tom] The sooner the better...PLEASE. This was worse than "Monster A-Go-Go"
[Joel] I didn't think that was even possible.
1......2......3......4......5......6......G
[Joel] What do you think, Sirs?
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