WAYS TO BE ANNOYING
TAKEN FROM "LIFE'S LITTLE DESTRUCTION BOOK" BY CHARLES SHERWOOD DANE
_________________________________________________________________
* Take the hotel towel
* Pay tolls with $100 bills
* Practice the art of limp handshakes
* Tell the ending of movies
* Give little kids clothes for their birthdays
* Leave the toilet seat up
* Take more than
* items to the express checkout lane
* Turn on your bright for oncoming traffic
* Finish other people's crossword puzzles
* Use the last square of toilet paper
* Tailgate the elderly
* Drum your fingers during other people's presentations
* Blow out other people's birthday candles
* Don't leave a message at the beep
* Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the parking lot
* Block the entrances of elevators, buses, and subways
* Eat produce at the market; don't buy it
* When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
* Toss things out the window: tissues, cigarettes, cellophane food
wrappings and those sorts of things
* Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
* Serve corn on the cob to people with dentures
* See if you can be the first one off the plane, even if you are
sitting by the window
* Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making
dinner and hotel reservations
* Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
* Go up the down escalator (B.P., this means you)
* Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of
lines
* Snap your gum
* Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and while you're at it, leave
the cap off
* Open umbrellas in crowded hallways
* Announce when you're going to the bathroom
* Read over other people's shoulders on the bus
* When it says, "Reserved Parking", this means you
* Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one you want
* Leave your pantyhose hanging in the shower
* Chew other people's pencils
* Lie to your therapist and sit in her chair
* Let doors slam behind you -- in other people's faces
* Tell teenagers how things were in your day
* Hold the elevator until you have finished your conversation
* Pee in the swimming pool
* Ride on the shoulder until you pass all the jammed traffic; then
cut in
* Wear large hats during the movies
* Forget the pooper scooper
* Race the old woman for the last bus seat
* Cause gridlock
* Bring 15 things into the dressing room
* Draw mustaches on posters
* Don't rewind videocassettes before bringing them back
* Serve TV dinners, wine coolers, and cherry Twinkies on
Thanksgiving
* Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you
* Touch strangers
* Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus
* Bite your dentist's finger
* Fart in cramped places
* Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads
* Don't stand during hymns and anthems
* Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa
* Rubberneck
* Leave pages in the copier
* Be "in conference" all the time
* Don't clean the dryer lint screen
* Buy it, wear it, return it
* Tell people they have bad breath
* Smell smoke often and announce it
* Eat out with friends and "forget" your wallet
* Put everyone on speakerphone
* Step on the back of the shoe of the person in front of you
* Rain on someone's parade
* Make scary faces at babies
* Flirt with a friend's spouse
* Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team
* Pretend you're listening
* Shake with your left hand
Back to my Humor Lists Page
Back to my humor page
Back to my home page