From cate3@netcom.com Tue Mar 7 08:55:49 1995
Subject: Life D.6
To: jwry.dli@netcom.com
From: Henry Cate III [cate3@netcom.com]
Reply-to: cate3@netcom.com
---------------------------------------
Date: 11 Apr 94 12:08:17 PDT (Monday)
Subject: Life D.6
The following was sifted out of alt.humor.best-of-usenet
which is moderated by: best@cc.ysu.edu
----------------------------------------------------
From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
Subject: Re: What specifications will the standard year 2001 PC have?
+-- hemr@hulaw1.harvard.edu (Kurt Wm. Hemr, Harvard Law School) writes:
|The question here is, what do you want Voice Rec for?
So I can walk into a crowded computer lab, shout "FORMAT HARD DRIVE!"
and watch them scramble.
What other possible uses for voice recognition are there?
--------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.smokers
From: chesler@husc8.harvard.edu (David Chesler)
In article [2lmg1j$k0b@louie.udel.edu],
Steven Weigand [weigand@udel.edu] wrote:
]Ie: It sounded like a neanderthal was talking. Fire bad!
Fire no bad! Fire good! Fire cook food, fire heat house,
fire power car, fire vaporize tobacco. Chesler like fire.
Only statist ex-addict safety-nazi with superiority complex no like fire.
--------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.music.makers,rec.music.makers.guitar
From: dcovell@frx702.intel.com (David Covell - MPG DA)
After yet another Disatrous Audition Experience last weekend I was struck
with how auditions and blind dates are extremely similar (and that both have
far more negative than positive outcomes).
Both parties try to get as much info about the other beforehand before
agreeing to get together. Creative obfuscation abounds: "she has a nice
personality" equates to "they play with a lot of enthusiasm".
Both parties are frequently desperate, having exhausted the usual means
of locating their Significant Whatevers.
Both parties come to the first meeting dragging along a load of unpleasant
emotional baggage accumulated from past experience through which they will
filter every word or action of the other party.
In both cases the outcome is usually decided within the first few
minutes. Either you hit it off right away or you get a sick feeling in your
stomach that it's going to be another Very Long Night. The latter is the
more frequent outcome by at least 10x.
Lame excuses are made to shorten the Very Long Night; headaches, lost
appetites, broken guitar strings, etc. Nobody's fooled but nobody protests.
Assurances are made that party A will call party B to arrange another
get-together. Neither party ever hears from the other again to their mutual
relief.
In the event that party A is significantly less attractive/talented than
party B, there's a fair chance that party A will miss or ignore party B's
obvious signals of disinterest. Party A will then make a complete nuisance
of itself by calling or showing up when party B is in company with a new
party A. Painful, embarassed silence or raging histrionics are the options
here.
Despair and disillusion set in; vows of abstinence are made. Acceptance
of the fated old-maidhood drifts in like a familiar midnight fog. Writing
the long-contemplated novel begins.
Some event rekindles the fire and the loop is reiterated.
What really amazes me is that when it's painfully obvious to both parties
that they're wholly incompatible they still feel obliged to play the game of
"let's get together again next week; I'll call you".
--------------------------
From: Peter Berger [peterb@lm.net]
Subject: Re: Free market
Newsgroups: alt.nuke.the.USA
Mike Dickson (mike.dickson@almac.co.uk) wrote:
: PE] Yeah, and all those millions of people streaming into the USA each year
: PE] are only here to sample our cuisine, smothered in ketchup. As opposed, I
: PE] suppose, to that "Land of Opportunity," Norway.
: And exactly what 'opportunities' does America offer? I cannot imagine
: any reason for going to live in America...unless you happened to be
: chained together and stuck on a slave ship, that is.
Well, I guess you would have to ask the millions of people who come here
each year. But I guess you would know better than them, you being
British and all that rot. But, since you *did* ask....
TOP TEN REASONS TO LEAVE "BRITAIN" FOR AMERICA:
9) American football players beat the living crap out of each other.
In Britain, football *fans* beat the living crap out of each other.
5) Two words: English food.
3) Britons no longer impressed by your accent.
2) Can't stand the hypocrisy of carping about American imperialism while
oppressing the Irish and jailing innocent people.
and the number one reason to leave "Britain" for America:
1) Want to get further away from France.
--------------------------
Newsgroups: comp.arch,comp.sys.intel,comp.benchmarks,comp.sys.powerpc
From: bernecky@eecg.toronto.edu (Robert Bernecky)
Subject: Re: Do DX4 Chips Have Floating Point?
In article [2lnjfq$hdq@news.utdallas.edu] greer@utdallas.edu (Dale M. Greer) writes:
]Nick Paizis~ (npaizis@sedona.intel.com) wrote:
]] In article [feustelCME8D5.M3E@netcom.com] feustel@netcom.com (David Feustel) writes:
]] ]None of the DX4 announcements that I have seen have indicated whether the
]] ]floating point unit is included. Can someone resolve this
]] ]uncertainty?
]] ]
]] ]--
]
]] Floating point is included, hence the "DX"
]
]Oh, I see. DX == floating point included, a very obvious equation.
]Does this mean my Honda Civic DX has floating point? Does Honda make
]a DX4 Civic?
]
The Honda Civic DX has limited floating point capability. To
observe this in action, drive your Civic DX down to the lake
and down a boat loading ramp onto the lake.
--------------------------
Newsgroups: soc.couples
From: apl@world.std.com (Tony Lawrence)
This is not really couples related, but it's short and I think many
of you will get a kick out of it:
Last weekend we went out and bought a microwave oven. Our first, after
almost 27 years of marriage. Gotta be close to the last middle-aged
couple in the USA to do this, but anyway...
My mother, who lives with us, is 84, and not even approaching senility
or crotchetyness or anything like it, observed the new appliance and said,
"You young folks! The minute something new comes out, you just think
you have to run out and buy it."
And then she walked back to her room.
Linda and I had to run to the bedroom and stifle ourselves with pillows :-)
--------------------------
--------------------------
From: mcmahan@saluda.cs.unca.edu (Scott McMahan -- Genesis mailing list owner)
Newsgroups: alt.music.progressive
Subject: Half a pumpkin!? [-- Smashing Pumpkins ?
Harry Luithardt (harryl%anl433.uucp@Germany.EU.net) wrote:
: I think anybody with half of a brain can figure out what is being
: asked.
I think if anyone with half a brain ever showed up on Usenet, we'd
all be in deep trouble.
--------------------------
From: jfurr@acpub.duke.edu (Joel Furr)
Newsgroups: news.announce.newgroups,news.groups,sci.misc,alt.religion.kibology,alt.shenanigans,alt.fan.joel-furr,alt.bonehead.joel-furr,alt.non.sequitur
It's time for the annual rec.apathy RFD.
Two years ago, I brought up rec.apathy. Thousands of people supported the
proposal warmly but never got around to actually saying so, so I never
took it to a vote.
Some time later (over a year ago, but less than two years ago), I brought
forward a proposal for misc.apathy, sci.apathy, talk.apathy, rec.apathy,
soc.apathy, news.apathy, and comp.apathy. I envisioned an entire apathy
hierarchy, but off-charter postings from people who actually cared drowned
out the merits of the proposal.
It's 1994, and time for yet another rec.apathy RFD.
The proposed charter for rec.apathy is follows:
"Rec.apathy is intended to serve as the forum for apathy amateurs and
professionals. Discussion will include apathy how-to's, apathy tips,
stories about apathy, questions about apathy, information about apathy
clubs and forming your own apathetic organizations, and other
miscellaneous apathy topics."
The group is proposed as an unmoderated group.
Discussion will take place for at least a month, to be followed by a vote.
--------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
From: BACOSTA1@ua1vm.ua.edu
In article [2lp71q$738@news.u.washington.edu]
merritt@provolone.bchem.washington.edu (Ethan A Merritt) writes:
]
]In article [CMF1x1.619@cbnewsm.cb.att.com], gwills@cbnewsm.cb.att.com
](graham.j.wills) says:
]]
]]All F&SF readers will no doubt have looked at the results of their latest
]]competition, where you were invited to change one letter or digit in a SF
]]book title and write a short review of it; - i.e. exactly as Dave has done
]]here. The three I remember most were
]]
]] Stranger in a Strange Band
]] Dung
]]and
]] Lord Foul's Babe
]]
]
](chuckle) I missed that one, but what a great idea.
]Hmmmm, how's about
]
]_Birders of Infinity_ Lois McMaster Bujold's prophetic vision of the
] Audubon Society in the 30th century
]
]_Darth_ David Brin's touching biography of the young
] Mr. Vader in the days before he became famous
]
]_Oath of Realty_ (Niven/Pournelle) required reading for all those
] intending to enroll in Property Values 101
]
] Ethan A Merritt
] merritt@u.washington.edu
]
]
Also:
Man-Kzin Bars I-IV A series of stories set in Niven's Known Space Universe
in which Kzinti and Human Bartenders compete to see
which species makes the best alcoholic beverages for
fun and profit.
Rinkworld Larry Niven's ground-breaking novel in which four
explorers come across a world which is a Solar System-
Sized Ice Skating Rink.
Heir to the Umpire Timothy Zahn's continuation of the Star Wars saga, in
which the remaining Imperial forces try to regain
control and spread dissension in the New Republic by
rigging baseball games.
The Toon is a Harsh Mistress Robert Heinlein's classic story in which Roger
Rabbit stuggles to overcome his wife Jessica's
domination of his life.
Par of the Worlds The H.G. Wells classic in which Martian invaders
challenge humans to a golf game, only to forfeit due
to coming down with the flu.
Football Niven and Pournelle's superb, modern day update of an
alien invasion story; a contemporary version of Par of
the Worlds in which the elephant-like fthip play in the
Superbowl, with the fate of the world at stake.
Lore of the Rings The long awaited Star Trek/Middle Earth crossover in
which Data's brother challenges Sauron for control of
Middle Earth with the Enterprise crew trying to uphold
the Prime Directive and stop him.
--------------------------
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: adw3345@ultb.isc.rit.edu (A.D. Williams)
Subj: CAT SCANNER 3000
For those who have responded with interest on my earlier post about
my cat tracker for Boris the cat, I have redesigned the project, but
now due to some interesting research, I will be able to track Boris
wherever he may go in the city of Rochester. Or a good portion thereof,
so as long as he doesn't go behind any pesky buildings and no one messes
with my setup on the Park Avenue apartment complex.
So, in the future, an xmap of Rochester will pop up, and Boris will
be a red dot on the city.
In fact, this may be more appropriate than I thought at first. I
live 3 doors down from the interstate.
So now when you finger Boris from the internet, you may be able to get
status reports like heartbeats per minute, kind of like the display
they had for the marines in Aliens. Or mabye it'll just return:
KITTY PIZZA
or
NOT YET PIZZA
--------------------------
From: Craig Yarbrough [HCY100@psuvm.psu.edu]
Newsgroups: alt.shenanigans
Subj: switching keyboards
One of the best shens I ever pulled was back in high school during computer
programming class. We were using IBM PC jrs. (pieces of crap!) I was sitting
directly across from a girl in my class (cheerleader, probably) and our
computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she
got up to leave the room and as soon as she left, an idea so brilliant and
merciless came upon me I just couldn't resist trying it. I reached between our
two computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and sat
down and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. She
called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing
would happen. The teacher, in all of her computer omnipotence, tried everything
short of rebooting the computer. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor
and quaking red-faced. I started to type... 'Leave me alone!' They both
jumped back, silenced. 'What the..' The teacher said. I typed 'I said leave
me alone!' The cheerleader got real upset, 'I didn't do anything to it,
I swear!' It was all I could do to hold my water! The conversation between
them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes. 'Don't touch me!'
'I'm sorry, I didn't *mean* to hit your keys that hard.' 'Who do you think
you are anyway?!' 'My name's Melanie' 'That's a stupid name!' ....etc...
Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair. After
they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red! Funny, I never
got more than a C- in that class... and come to think of it, never got a date
from any of the cheerleaders either! Life is great!
--------------------------
Newsgroups: alt.online-service.prodigy
Subj: Re: REQ: Mouse manipulator
From: rk@nms.hls.com
In article [CnBzB8.vt@tuttoo.chi.il.us] clifto@tuttoo.chi.il.us (Clifton T. Sharp) writes:
]In article [1994Mar24.191519.22064@gov.nt.ca] jimg@gov.nt.ca (Jim Grant) writes:
]]In article [2mjt4v$c2c@thor.cs.umass.edu] lmccarth@cs.umass.edu (Lewis McCarthy) writes:
]]]space friends will confirm this no later than February 29, 2000.
]]]Film at 2/29/00 23:00
]]Note that even centuries are not leap years.
]
] Whoops.
]
] Years divisible by 4000 are not leap. (Don't ask; I had a citation for this
]before the Great Disk Crash of 1992. I imagine I'll find it within the next
]2000 years, though.)
] If above doesn't apply, years divisible by 400 are leap.
] If above doesn't apply, years divisible by 100 are not leap.
] If above doesn't apply, years divisible by 4 are leap.
While its difficult to believe, the original question that triggered this
thread was: "Is there a program that will allow me to change
my mouse (cursor) pointer".
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