From cate3@netcom.com Thu Feb 2 08:37:57 1995
Subject: Life C.S
To: jwry.dli@netcom.com
From: "cate3@netcom.com" [Henry_Cate_III@netcom.com]
Reply-to: cate3@netcom.com
---------------------------------------
Date: 30 Mar 94 17:00:50 PST (Wednesday)
Subject: Life C.S
The following selections are from the mailing list:
silent-tristero@world.std.com
----------------------------------------------------
]From: aem@tomokato.analog.com (The Unstoppable Drew)
] Space is limited.
No, space is infinite. Seating is limited.
--------------------------
From: dia@wais.com (Dia Cheney)
See on the label of a Tropicana Juice Twister (This particular flavor was
Pink Grapefruit Cocktail):
"Flavors Mother Nature Never Intended (TM)"
--------------------------
From: "Lee S. Kilpatrick" (Mr. Breeze) [leekil@bbn.com]
]From the .sig of Jay Hahn [elph@well.sf.ca.us]:
#######################
C]Dinner not ready
abort,retry,pizza?
#######################
--------------------------
From: dan@copernicus.bbn.com (Dan Franklin)
James Brister brister@ct.com
Cogent Technology, Santa Cruz, CA cogent!brister
"Cogito eggo sum -- I think, therefore I am a waffle"
--------------------------
From: William R.Swanson [traveler@Think.COM]
``infobahn''
Does that mean you have to flash the "collision" light
on your Ethernet adapter when you want to go full throttle
one the backbone?
--------------------------
From: dave mankins (dm@world.std.com, dm@hri.com)
Hal Mueller Powerbooks are the computer of choice of
hmueller@diamond.tamu.edu drug dealers, 43 to 1 over any other computer.
--------------------------
Subj: THE TEN BEST TOOLS OF ALL TIME
From: Art Medlar [hman@violet.berkeley.edu]
Which brings to mind two old favourite rules of thumb:
1. Ninety percent of broken things can be fixed with
duct tape. Ninety-five with duct tape and wire.
2. Vice Grips: the wrong tool for every job.
--------------------------
From: John Robinson [jr@ksr.com]
From: cliff (Cliff Larsen)
In Japan, they have Cable Radio (really!) with something like 300 or so
stations. There are about a dozen "Alibi Stations" so that you can have
appropriate background noise to any phone call you may have to make.
for example
"Noisy Street" "Hi Honey, I'm stuck in traffic, thoght I'd
call so you wouldn't worry..." (with cars beeping
and/or zooming by in the background).
--------------------------
Subj: US Standard Railroad Gauge or How MilSpecs Live Forever
From: Bill Innanen [wgi@APLCOMM.JHUAPL.EDU]
US Standard Railroad Gauge
or
How MilSpecs Live Forever
- ------
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 ft 8 1/2
in (1.44 m). That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why is that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England,
and the US railroads were built by English ex patriots.
Why did the English build 'em like that? Because the first rail lines were
built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's
the gauge they used.
Why did *they* use that gauge then? Because the people who built the
tramways used the same jigs and tools as they used for building wagons,
which used that wheel spacing.
OK! Why did the wagons use that wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use
any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance
roads, because that's the spacing of the ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in
Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The
roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear
of breaking their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the
chariots were made by or for Imperial Rome they were all alike in the
matter of wheel spacing (ruts again).
Thus we have the answer to the original question.
The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 ft 8 1/2 in derives from the
original military specification (MilSpec) for an Imperial Roman army war
chariot. MisSpecs (and bureaucracies) live forever!
--------------------------
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
From: Espacionaute Spiff domaine! [matossian@aries.colorado.edu]
From: tooch@auspex.com (Mike Tuciarone)
Fascinating. I showed this to my wife, medieval studies major and
horsewoman, who points out that the spacing of wheels on the Roman
chariot was like as not dictated by the width of the yoke that attached
the chariot to the horse, and the need to keep the wheel ruts well out
of the path of the loose earth the hooves are kicking up.
Thus, the gauge of the Iron Horse might be in fact derived from the
width of the standard Roman warhorse.
--------------------------
From: John Robinson [jr@ksr.com]
Other countries don't all use standard gauge yet, and there are still
narrow-gauge lines in use. To cope as gauge changes, there are
locomotives and passenger cars and freight cars that can change their
gauge. One way is to move wheels on their axles; problematic as any
slippage of the wheel along the axle could cause derailment. What
they also do is lift the car or locomotive off its trucks and onto
trucks of the correct gauge. This happens, for example, at the border
between France and Spain (Spain uses 5-foot gauge I think).
--------------------------
From: dan@wais.com (Dan Aronson)
Actually the French/Spanish border has that method, and also some trains
(the Talgo comes to mind) that has two sets of wheels and they get switched
(automatically?).
And at the border of Siberia and Mongolia. The cool thing about that
crossing is that you can stay on the cars as they move into a shed with the
two sets of rails on the same trace, and detached from each other. They
are then detached from the trucks, raised by a crane, the trucks are
wheeled clear of the undercarriage and moved by another crane as new trucks
are lowered onto the track. The process is then reversed to put the train
together. It was soooo cooool to watch.
--------------------------
From: "Peter Capek (TL-863-6721)" [capek@watson.ibm.com]
Brattleboro, Vt, Dec. 31. (AP)
Frederick Koch lost count of the number of times he heard his name
pronounced "cotch," like the former mayor of New York. It was properly
pronounced "coke."
He went to court in November and changed his entire name to Coke-Is-It.
Now the Coca-Cola Company has gone to court to get Mr. Coke-Is-It to
stop using the company's advertising trademark as his name. Court
records list him as It, Coke-Is (AKA Fred Koch).
In December Coca-cola filed an appeal of the judgement granting the
name change in Windham County Superior Court. A lawyer in Burlington
who is representing the company was seeking to prevent Mr. Coke-Is-It
from using the name until the appeal is heard.
That could take a year, a court spokesman said.
--------------------------
From: Jym Dyer [jym@remarque.berkeley.edu]
Subj: Satire is Dead, Film at 11
=o= The following is a contender for the funniest thing I've
ever read in a newsgroup:
] Newsgroups: alt.motherjones,alt.news-media,alt.politics.media
] . . .
] In other words, standard propaganda techniques, to say nothing
] of outright lies, simply don't work on the internet. There
] are two many intelligent, articulate, educated people standing
] by with facts in hand.
--------------------------
From: John Robinson [jr@ksr.com]
Dawn Jenkins
ct411@cleveland.freenet.edu
Him: 100ol?! Nobody in their
right mind names a file
100OL!!!
Me: I'm on the point and
click system. I don't
NEED to be in my right
mind.
--------------------------
From: rsalz@osf.org
Subj: True net surfing
]From yesterday's Investors Business Daily
Is your Company Protected Against Internet Abuses?
Few Firms Take Stepes to Prevent Emplyee Misdeeds and Security Breaches
by Kathleen Doler in Sunnyvale, CA
Overall worth reading, but these two paragraphs are a hoot:
Employees at high-tech companies say the majority of corporate
users stay clear of illegal activities, but plenty of abuse takes place.
These include individuals sending thousands of superfluous messages,
digging into databases for personal reasons and downloading information
like satellite pictures daily so they can track storm patterns for
surfing.
--------------------------
In addition to centerpiecing a story on how Toad Licking is being
replaced by Toad Smoking, today's _Wall St. Journal_ prints the
following article:
Statistics confirm it: the world is getting weirder and
weirder
By Dana Milbank
LONDON --- These are weird times. In fact, the times are a
full 3.5% weirder than they were just a year ago.
That, at least, is the conclusion of the Fortean Times, a
London-based magazine dedicated to the study of all things
bizarre. The February/March issue of the small journal
compares thousands of zany happenings in 1992 and 1993 and
declares, somewhat arbitrarily, that the overall strangeness
index had risen to 3520 from 3400. Among the curiousities of
1993:
- A trash bin belonging to the London burough of Lewisham was
found beside the Sea of Galilee.
- Sixty lambs in Germany were attacked and killed by hundreds
of crows.
- Swedish doctors cured a deaf man by removing a 47-year-old
bus ticket from his ear.
The Fortean Times Index (not to be confused with the Financial
Times Index, which has been heading the other way) has 34
components. Leading the index upward was the Strange Behavior
component, which includes people who throw birds into cars
waiting at stoplights and the robber who taped two cucumbers
together and pretended he had a sawed-off shotgun.
The Hoaxes and Panics category got a boost from the Chinese
city where people were convincd that a giant deranged robot
from America was killing and sucking the blood of people who
wore red. ``People are more and more erratic,'' says Robert
JM Rickard, the editor. ``There are just such stupid extremes
of behavior.''
The _Journal_ goes on to quote equity an analyst who suggests people
*not* take their investment advice from the Fortean Times, and who
thinks the Index is arbitrary. Perhaps there should be a ``Unesco
definition of wierdness'', he suggests.
Sightings of the Virgin Mary and of highway ghosts are up this year.
(Oh --- the toads? Their venom is hallucinogenic.)
- dave mankins (dm@world.std.com, dm@hri.com)
--------------------------
From: John Robinson [jr@ksr.com]
]From the BMW Club of Houston's newsletter, from the Central Cal BMW Riders'
newsletter, from "The Intelligencer" submitted by Buddy Croft of Lubbock
Texas (whew!):
- --------
Smokers Rites
I think the war between the smokers and non-smokers is heating up a bit. I
went into a restaurant for lunch the other day and, as is my practice,
requested a table in the "no smoking" section. They seated me, and I went
about the business of ordering and eating my food.
Somewhere between the clam chowder and a club sandwich, I caught the smell of
nearby burning tobacco. Upon looking around, I noticed the man in the booth
next to me smoking a freshly lit cigarette.
Overcoming my natural reticence regarding confrontation, I spoke to the man.
"Excuse me, sir, but, when you came in, did you ask to be seated in the
no-smoking section?"
"Yes, I don't like the smell of smoke when I am eating any more than anyone
else."
I asked, "Then why are you smoking that cigarette?"
"I've finished eating."
Silly me, it was obvious to the most casual observer.
I called the server over and made her aware of the situation. She pointed out
to the man that he was smoking in a No Smoking section (I suspect this was
not a startling revelation) and went away with his assurance that he was just
leaving.
Of course he didn't leave until he had finished that cigarette and lit
another. But at least he did finally go.
Apparently he had noticed the motorcycle helmet and jacket I was wearing when
I came in, because in a minute or so, I noticed him eyeing the Harley parked
by the front door. He took out a small notebook, wrote something on a leaf
from it, tore off the note, and placed it between the seat and gas tank.
His next action took me completely off guard. He looked straight in the
window at me, then put his foot against the gas tank and shoved the
motorcycle over on its side. He then spun around and ran smack into a very
large, bearded fellow who apparently owned the Harley.
That which ensued netted him at least one broken bone and hopefully a little
jail time. After the police had come and gone, I helped the bearded gentleman
right his bike, and noticed the note the man had left. I unfolded it and
read: "This will teach you to mess with smoker's rights."
I laughed and handed the note to the cigar-chewing biker. I then went around
to the other side of the building, got on my BMW, and went back to work.
--------------------------
From: John Robinson [jr@ksr.com]
[wojo@veritas.com (woof): New phone company]
FYI:
Thanks to Lamont and Tenelli, KSJO 92.3 FM, San Jose, for reporting
the news that a new telephone company, MCIA (M-CIA) has applied to
become an internaltion long distance carrier. They are not, however,
interested in having you report the numbers of your friends and
family; they already *know* who you call. :-)
-- Woof
--------------------------
From: John Robinson [jr@ksr.com]
[One of the nice things about not having a television is realizing how
little you need it. TV so immerses our culture that even the
TV-less are not televilliterate, and can figure out references like
this. --- dm]
From: Chris Jones [clj]
It helps if you've seen the Larry Bird/Michael Jordan McDonald's commercials:
Paul Robichaux, KD4JZG | Out the 10Base-T port, through the router,
perobich@ingr.com | over the leased line, off the bridge, past
Intergraph Federal Systems | the firewall... nothing but net.
--------------------------
From: Miles R Fidelman [fidelman@civicnet.org]
This came out of the message of the day just now:
] Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the
] pens will multiply instead of disappear.
Well, as everybody knows, paper clips are the larval stage of bicycles;
coat hangers are the chrysalis. Watch all the hangers dissappear in the
Spring, just as the bicycles come out.
--------------------------
From: Jeannine Mosely [j9@icad.com]
No, paper clips are not the larval stage, safety pins are. Ever
notice how so many coat hangers have safety pins hanging on them?
From: dm@hri
---- Forwarded Message
Subject: SurfNet
Sender: ronb@peregrine.com
Come on down to the beach! Announcing SurfNet...
SurfNet provides live (or as close to live as possible) views
of the worlds' beaches. It also provides a worldwide audience
for surfing photographers, writers and videoartists.
Drop by, take a look, and let us in on what's happening
in your area...
We're at:
http://www.peregrine.com/web/users/ronb/surf/surf.html
See ya at the beach. :)
--------------------------
From: dan@copernicus.bbn.com (Dan Franklin)
Amy H. Cross University of Illinois Immunological Resource Center
across@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu
"There are no typing, spelling, or grammatical errors in my posts.
What you are seeing is the evolution of the English language in action."-E.S.
--------------------------
From: Harold Hubschman [haroldh@ksgbbs.harvard.edu]
A friend of mine who does not like to fly tells that whenever she takes
cross country train trips, she invariably meets an air traffic controller
in the club car who is afraid of flying. Reading today's new york times, I
am not surprised.
Headline: Frequent Power Failures Bedevil Flight Controllers
Washington -- Air traffic controllers were guiding airplanes in and out of
Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport at 9:30 AM on Feb 22 when they
suddenly found themselves staring at blank radar screens. The radios used to
communicate with pilots had also gone dead.
A computer glitch had caused an extensive power failure and backup system,
which are usually automatically activated at such times, had failed as well.
[further on in the article...]
Richard Pelkowski, air traffic manager at Washington's National Airport
said that he thought that many of the failures could not be prevented
because "it's the nature of things mechanical to fail."
At National Airport, old equipment, some using obsolete vacuum tubes, is
part of the problem. The airport uses a huge 1967 Sperry Unvac computer,
whose manufacturer no longer makes it. Airport officials say the computer
has one-tenth the power of a modern lap-top computer. Replacement parts
sometimes must be specially made.
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