Date: 9 Dec 93 16:41:03 PST (Thursday)
Subject: Life B.G
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The following are from Dan Galvin's Thought for the Day list
Life is like a game of cards.
The hand that is dealt you
represents determinism;
the way you play it is free will.
-Jawaharlal Nehru
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If you hit a man over the head with a fish, he'll have a headache for a
day.
But if you teach a man to hit himself over the head with a fish, he'll have
headaches for the rest of his life.
-Unknown
(As requested by Peter Green)
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Sixty years ago I knew everything; now I know nothing; education is a
progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
-Will Durant
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The only thing necessary
for the triumph of evil
is for good men to do nothing.
-Edmund Burke
(1729-1797)
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What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
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The mediocre teacher tells.
The good teacher explains.
The superior teacher demonstrates.
The great teacher inspires.
-William Arthur Ward
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He's an honest man you can shoot craps with him over the telephone.
-Earl Wilson
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In life I have learned two important things-
Success is not permanent
And Failure is not Fatal...
-Martie Smith (but not original with her she says)
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You've heard:
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
80's transmogrification:
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
90's Philosopher-Musician Ann Kirschner at Cornell Med College, NYC, adds:
When the shopping gets tough, the tough get catalogues.
Or when the catalogues get tough, the garden gets compost.
-Truman Bullard
Or when the shopping gets tough, the tough watch the Home Shopping Network.
-David Stephen
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Don't throw away the old bucket until
you know whether the new one holds water.
-Swedish proverb
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"Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?"
-Lily Tomlin
Sorry for the late reply, but our computer system was down. There is a name
for the tops of your feet, the dorsum or dorsal pedis. -Rich Laherty
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When you get something for nothing,
you just haven't been billed for it yet.
-Franklin P. Jones
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If money can't buy happiness-
I guess you'll just have to rent it.
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So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of
intelligence.
-Bertrand Russell
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If there is something laudable,
Make sure that it is audible.
-Madge M. Mullin
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Ducharme's Axiom:
If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of
the problem.
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Reputation is character minus what you've been caught doing.
-Michael Iapoce
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It is never wise to seek or wish for another's misfortune. If malice or envy
were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.
-Charley Reese
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Industry Fact: When Elvis Presley died in 1977 there were 37 Elvis
impersonators in the world.
Today there are 48,000.
If the current trend continues, by the year 2010, one out of every three people
in the world will be an Elvis impersonator.
-Audio Village ad Oct 1993 _MIX_ magazine
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Naturally, we feel that mentally ill people are not what we are looking for
when we hire programmers - although there are no empirical data to support or
contradict that view.
-Gerald M. Weinberg ("The Psychology of Computer Programming").
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When I look back on all these worries I remember the story of the old man who
said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of
which never happened.
-Winston Churchill
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The unfortunate thing about this world is that good habits are so much easier
to give up than bad ones.
-Somerset Maugham
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Jell-O - An edible substance best comprehended as having the taste of a
politician's promises and the consistency of his spine-sweet but nonexistent.
-Gordon Bowker
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Your decisions say a lot about what's important to you
and what kind of person you are.
-Nicole Shuemr
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The people to worry about are not those who openly disagree with you, but those
who disagree with you who are too cowardly to let you know.
-Zingers
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It is a mistake to believe that Uncle Sam can open his pocketbook and let you
keep yours closed.
-Los Angeles Times Syndicate (1978)
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By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity-- another man's, I mean.
-Mark Twain
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The problem with being an old handball player is that you get tired OUT before
you get warmed UP.
-Clifford Cone
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The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change
amid order.
-Alfred North Whitehead (From Amdahl Newsline 11/4/93)
(Or as a university 'CIO' said, years before there were CIOs, 'My job is to
stir the pot when it gets too quiet and to sit on the lid when it gets to
bubbling too much.')
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Yesterday is a cancelled check,
tomorrow is a promissory note;
today is the only cash we have -
spend it wisely.
-Kay Lyons
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One of the serious problems in planning against American doctrine that the
Americans do not read their manuals nor do they feel any obligations to follow
their doctrine. -From a Russian Document
The reason that the America army does so well in wartime is that war is chaos
and the American army practices chaos on a daily basis.
-A German General Officer
Let's keep up the good work, troops!
-Plaque Posted in the Pentagon
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The problem with trying to 'reinvent government' is this:
First you have to appoint a commission to study the problem.
The commission will then hire a staff.
The staff will hire assistants.
The assistants will ...
-Adapted from a Robert Orben quote concerning 'trying to halt the growth of
bureaucracy'
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Academic politics
is the most vicious
and bitter form of politics,
because the stakes are so low.
-Wallace Sayre
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Weinberg's Principle:
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the
grand fallacy.
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Golden Oldie:
We should be thankful for the good things we have and, also, for the bad things
we don't have.
-Anon
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The mockingbird can change its tune eighty-seven times in seven minutes.
Politicians regard this interesting fact with envy.
-Anon
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If you don't like someone, the way he holds his spoon makes you furious;
If you like him, he can turn his plate over in your lap and you won't mind.
-Irving Becker
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Golden Oldie
It's not my place
To run the train
The whistle I can't blow
It's not my place
To say how far
The train's allowed to go
It's not my place
To shoot off steam
Nor even clang the bell
But let the train once
Jump the track....
Then see who catches hell.
-On the wall of the Stationmaster's Office, Grand Central Terminal
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Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
-Publilius Syrus
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The SEVEREST TEST of character is not so much the ability to keep a secret as
it is, when the secret is finally out, to refrain from disclosing that you knew
it all along.
-Sydney J. Harris, Field Newspaper Syndicate
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Special Edition
Halloween
TFTD
One time only multiple TsFTD. Special thanks to Drew Deutsch
[DREW@DC.MHS.CompuServe.COM] and Kevin Nalty [NALTYK@GUVM.CCF.GEORGETOWN.EDU]
for compiling the entries and having the idea. Only the first entry per
contributor was selected. The others will be eligible for inclusion in the
regular TFTD as are all suggestions from the group. Decision of the judge is
final.
Following are the responses to the request for the ''single best piece of
advice the subscribers (to TFTD) have heard": As Kevin says, 'let the ghoul
times roll.'
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From: e dduke@ibm1.scri.fsu.edu
The best lesson life has taught me is that the idiots in many cases are right.
-W. Churchill Dennis Duke
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From: wreinke@umdacc
Don't waste your time arguing with any combination of these three things
...success, failure, stupidity.
-Butch Reinke
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From: BOWERSJ@COFC.EDU
A Man can add to my life, he just can't be it.
(My thought for today, for single women)
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From: K085LW@tamvm1.tamu.edu
You can love an organization, but it won't love you back.
-Larry Wilson
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From: elieberm@IS25NET.NYCENET.EDU
Only The Educated Are Free.
-Epietetus
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From: SM0670%SPRINGB@SIUCVMB.SIU.EDU
Don't let greed outweigh self-preservation.
-Phil Sawyer
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From: Charlie Crawford - crawford@wln.com
Don't sweat the small stuff.
-Aunt Sally
This doesn't contain the verbal wit of a really pithy piece of advice, but it
was told to me by Aunt Sally when I was quite young, and it always comes back
to me during stressful situations.
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From: Kathleen Green kgreen@east.east-slc.edu
Preach the Gospel through your whole life. If necessary use words.
-Sign, Niagara University
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If you sat a monkey down in front of a keyboard, the first thing typed would be
a UNIX command.
-Bill Lye
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From: 18084tm@ibm.cl.msu.edu
Think about what you are doing.
-Tommy Mac
(It's not catchy or funny, really pretty obvious, but any advice I ever heard
that I thought was valuable boiled down to this simple thought)
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From: JAIME@TAMVM1.TAMU.EDU
If you can do something about it, why worry?
If you can't do something about it, why worry?
-Old Indian Proverb
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1995 Copyright by Henry Cate III All Rights Reserved
The above collection can be forwarded for non commercial use
as long as the signature file below is included
The individual entries of the Life Collection are owned by
the individual contributors who should be contacted
if you wish to forward their entry.
--
* * * * Henry Cate III [cate3@netcom.com] * * * * *
* To learn how to buy the entire Life Humor Collection send
* E-Mail to life@netcom.com with "Info" in the Subject
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