Date: 11 Nov 93 17:27:08 PST (Thursday)
Subject: Life B.6
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From: dasher@netcom.com (D. Anton Sherwood)
... No cause is so noble that it won't attract fools and poltroons
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From: dasher@netcom.com (D. Anton Sherwood)
"When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be
bought and sold are legislators."
---- P. J. O'Rourke
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From: dasher@netcom.com (D. Anton Sherwood)
"Geez, inquiring minds spoil everything." --Romana Machado
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From: dasher@netcom.com (D. Anton Sherwood)
"The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings
wisdom." -- H.L. Mencken
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From: psm20@cd.amdahl.com (Paul S. Michelsen)
The one I like was the sign I saw at picnic grounds in Bryce Canyon National
Park as a kid. It had a half dozen or so lines that could all be run
together. The top three were the best though: "FREQUENT THUNDER STORMS / WATCH
YOUR CHILDREN / LOCK YOUR CARS".
And then there was the highway exit sign I saw in Michigan(?): "A COUNTY ROAD
NORTH".
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From: Jalil_Oloumi.osbu_south@xerox.com
Just thought of this last night:
If the "B" type personalities are "Expressive", then the "A" type personalities
are "Impressive"!
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From: mwilson@ncratl.AtlantaGA.NCR.COM (Mark O. Wilson)
Wilson's theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we're all related.
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From: Anthony J Stieber [anthony@csd4.csd.uwm.edu]
Newsgroups: sci.astro,sci.geo.geology,sci.space
From: wdorsey@mason1.gmu.edu (Bill Dorsey)
In article [CAq1y1.Ey1@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU] gsh7w@fermi.clas.Virginia.EDU
(Greg Hennessy) writes:
In article [CApu4p.5uC@news.hawaii.edu] joe@montebello.soest.hawaii.edu
writes:
Of course, there must be something special about the Tongans... how else to
explain how they managed to remain independent up to the present, even keeping
their 1800's-style polynesian royalty, complete with politically supreme
hereditary monarch? Their King looks like he'd make a good professional
defensive tackle, too... wouldn't want to argue with him.
Actually, I believe their King *IS* a rookie defensive tackle for an NFL team!
There's a story about Queen Elizabeth's coronation (in 1953?). Peter Ustinov
was covering the event for the BBC. At one point the [then] Queen of Tonga
(perhaps the current monarch's mother), who was herself quite an imposing
woman, appeared in a procession with a much smaller gentleman. Ustinov's
partner identified the Queen, then wondered who the gentleman with her was.
Ustinov responded: "Her lunch." They don't do live broadcasts like that
anymore.
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From: wordy@ucsd.edu (Steve Roberts)
I've noticed a new ailment in highly-populated areas. People catch it from
sharing rides to work in small cars, and it manifests itself as sharp pain in
the tips of the toes. It's the dreaded Carpool Toenail Syndrome.
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From: Franklin Davis [fad@think.com]
Brewster Kahle (brewster@wais.com), inventor of Wide Area Information Servers
(WAIS) always has said that electronic publishing will make human editors
*more* valuable, not less. I agree.
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From: Mark E. Simmons
Saturday I saw two bumper stickers ON THE SAME TRUCK that together really made
me laugh (and wonder).
The first said:
"If you think our government is working, ask someone who is out of work."
The second: "National Health Care now!"
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From Taxing Times, Fall 1993
"Imagine the surprise of Manuel Gonzales, a barber in Santa Rosa, Calif., when
he recently received a tax bill from the IRS for $68,037,394,206.32.
The good news was that the letter said he could pay it off in installments of
$150 per month! The IRS says 4,623 other taxpayers got inflated bills for $68
billion because of a computer error."
And I thought it was just the new tax law going into effect.
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From: duperval@iro.umontreal.ca (Laurent Duperval)
"I haven't crashed yet, but I have no idea where I'm going."
-Ex-Canadian prime minister Kim Campbell, while trying out a computer-simulated
air-traffic control tower at the beginning of herelection campaign. She saw
her party lose all of is seats except 2/295. She previously held a majority of
seats in the Commons.
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From: CT Hart [cth@cs.itc.hp.com]
From: rschneid@merle.acns.nwu.edu (Robert Schneider)
Newsgroups: alt.graffiti
Old story, worth posting here I think. When working as a delivery truck driver
about ten years ago, I arrived at my unwashed truck one morning to find some
devastating and appalling graffiti scrawled in the dust.
Beneath an upside down pentagram was the declaration "Satin Rules"
I can only assume the perpetrator was a clothier (or a poor speller).
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From: england@helix.nih.gov
Why were Halloween and Thanksgiving cancelled in Arkansas?
Because the witch left and took the Turkey with her.
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From: gorelik@xsoft.xerox.com (Mike Gorelik)
Private sector provides health insurance to 160M people at the cost of $2500
per person-year. The government covers 50M at $6500/person-year. To reduce
costs and improve efficiency Clintons want government to control all of health
care.
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From: Dean A Theofanes [cpdat@groper.jcu.edu.au]
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
- Lily Tomlin.
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From: Roberto Alazar:ESCP10
Q: What's the '90's version of "trick or treat?"
A: "Litigate or settle?"
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Seven unemployed actors were arrested in a public park near the recent Laguna
Beach fire for disturbing the peace. They were screaming a play at the top of
their lungs, apparently trying to take advantage of the constant television
coverage to become well-known, even if notorious.
Fire fighters and other emergency workers complained that they were a
distraction, a potential hazard to themselves, and a potential obstacle for
either the emergency workers themselves or to evacuees who might need to come
through the site.
At their arraignment, the actors' attorney pleaded non-guilty, making a point
of First Amendment freedom of speech. The actors were bound over for trial on
several charges, the judge noting that freedom of speech does not confer the
right to yell theater in a crowded fire.
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A few years ago, Libby's processed foodlike products centered an advertising
campaign on a cartoon buckeroo named Libby the Kid, which, he told the vidience
(the television counterpart of a radio "audience"), was "Billy the Kid spelled
sidewards, sort of."
Similarly, Ashton-Tate Software was named after Lashley and Tate. Ashton
apparently is Lashley spelled sidewards, sort of. Anyway, they figured it
sounded better.
Moreover, the Lockheed Corporation seems bears the sort-of-spelled-sidewards
name of its founders, two brothers (sur)named Loughead.
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From: MIKE HALPERIN:pittsburgh
When Ted Simmons played catcher for the ST Louis Cardinals, he engaged the
Cards' announcer for his Answering Machine. It went something like this:
"Here's the pitch to Simmons....Line shot down the right field line...FAIR
BALL! Into the corner...Simmons is rounding first...THE BALL GETS BY THE RIGHT
FIELDER! Its rolling into right-center!..Simmons is around second and digging
for third...the center fielder has it...THEY'RE WAVING SIMMONS HOME! HERE'S
THE RELAY...HE SLIDES...HE IS.......OUT!
"That's right, I'm out. But if you'll leave you're name and number at the
tone..."
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From: D.A.G.Gillies@bradford.ac.uk
(In response to an earlier Life piece about a commodore Pet which allowed
software to destroy the monitor.)
Here in the UK a very popular computer in schools around 1985 was the Acorn BBC
'B' micro. This had a little relay inside which controlled the motor for a tape
drive. It was a latching relay, which was switched with the commands 'MOTOR 1'
and 'MOTOR 0'. The trick was to switch it at the right frequency and get it to
play tunes. Of course these relays only had an operating life of about 100 000
cycles, so after about an hour or so of doing this, they would quietly die. Not
as dramatic as killing the monitor, but still in contravention of the maxim of
being unable to damage a machine from software.
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From: rudolphtg%lavc3.dnet@sb.com (Theodore G. Rudolph)
(In response to a Life piece about walking disk drives.)
The Drive in Question isn't a Dec drive. It's a Control Data 288 MB removable
drive. At S.B. we had them on our VAXes, or IBM mainframe, and our WANG VS
systems. A very popular drive. If it was installed correctly (i.e. properly
leveled using the levelers) it wouldn't budge, although it would shake a lot.
The fun was when you removed the levelers from the drive. Then you could do
fast jumps from the innermost track to the outer track and get the drive to
roll on the wheels. I first saw the drives on WANG systems where they were
called the "Waltzing WANGS". We had some diagnostic programs which allowed you
to do head movements from track x to y. So you did a big swing to get the case
to move, and then baby steps to get the heads back. A good jump would move
the drive a .5 to .75 inch. The better story about the drives had to do with
their physical appearance: They were about 2.5 feet wide, 4 feet deep, and 3
foot tall. The media was removable, and consisted of about 10 platters
stacked. The pla
(And in his sig file:) None of the above or below represents the views of my
employer, his kids, my parents, the FBI, CIA, DEA, or NRC. The jury is still
out on the NSA...
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: Sir Simon [ROBE1885@splava.cc.plattsburgh.edu]
Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one-- but you need many, many lightbulbs.
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Q: How many Binars does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None-- that's a hardware problem.
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Q: How many ST:TNG crew members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two; one to change the light bulb and another to yell "Shut up Wesley!"
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Q: How many Dr. Soong androids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them; one to change the light bulb, and the other to pull the chair
out from under him.
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Q: How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb.
A: All of them. They are a collective.
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Finally, how many Enterprise engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
TOS Answer: One to hold the light bulb, seven to drink until the room spins.
TNG Answer: Who needs light bulbs?
------------------------------------------------------------
1995 Copyright by Henry Cate III All Rights Reserved
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--
Henry Cate III [cate3@netcom.com]
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