Date: 6 Aug 93 15:32:00 PDT (Friday)
Subject: Life A.6
----------------------------------------------------
The selections are from the eniac mailing list run by:
rissa@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
--------------------------
From: jzimm@zaphod.cc.utexas.edu (Joann Zimmerman)
There have been a large number of birth
announcements in this group in recent months, many of them emanating
from Texans and ex-Texans. As I am unlikely to have any human children,
I thought it appropriate that I should announce the birth of a
scholarly child:
Name: _Narrative, Models and Workshops: Approaches to Secular Illumination
in the Roman de la Rose_
Dates: Conception - 3 months
Gestation - 9 months
Labor - 3 months
Delivery - the last two weeks
Length: 181 pp.
Weight: Who knows, but carrying four of them around campus (two to readers,
two to the Grad Office) was a major pain, what with the 20-lb. 100%
cotton paper.
The birth of this thesis was marked by a number of signs and portents,
including a maysteriously aberrant approval page format that nobody noticed
until the point where I was putting them at the beginning of each copy to
be bound, at which point I screamed, turned white, and had to spend too
much time chasing up my readers, who had not quite yet vanished from
campus.
Couldn't even commit really major celebration, either. I've got two seminar
projects to report on late next week, and I've done a minimal amount so
far. Spent all Saturday making slides.
--------------------------
From: zippy@berry.cs.brandeis:edu
]From the cypherpunks mailing list, I got the following short message:
From: uni@acs.bu.edu (Shaen Bernhardt)
Date: Sat, 22 May 93 14:02:51 -0400
Ego + Espionage = Death
Taking other well-known identities:
Silence = Death
Energy = Mass x Speed-o-Light^2
and the assumption that the energy of one's ego cannot exceed one's
maximum potential energy (which has great explanatory powers re. the
Limbaugh Effect).
I get:
Silence = Ego + Espionage
[= MC^2 + Espionage
solving for Espionage,
Espionage ]= Silence - MC^2
which raises some interesting points:
1. Espionage can be measured in existing SI units, thus
2. Espionage is a creation of the French
--------------------------
From: jfw@ksr.com (John F. Woods)
Newsgroups: sci.space,sci.astro,alt.sci.planetary
In sci.space baalke@kelvin.jpl.nasa.gov (Ron Baalke) writes:
]A LIBRARY TO BE SENT TO MARS:
]The Planetary Society Organizes a Gift to Future Settlers
] The Planetary Society, in cooperation with the Russian Space Research
]Institute (IKI), will create Visions of Mars to travel to the red planet
]aboard Mars 94 when it is launched to Mars next year. A press conference at
]the Explorers Club will preview this historic undertaking at 10:00 am on
]June 22, 1993, in New York City.
] Visions of Mars will be a collection of science fiction stories, sounds
]and images on a compact disc that chronicle humanity's fascination with mars
]and its imagined Martians from H.G. Wells to the present day. A copy of the
]disc will be placed inside each of the two small stations that Mars 94 will
]land on the surface of the red planet in September, 1995.
] The flight disc and CD-ROM replicas will be produced by Time Warner
]Interactive Group (previously Warner New Media) in Burbank, California.
] This collection is intended as a gift from our era to the future
]generations of humans who will one day explore, and perhaps settle, Mars.
Hmm. Last I heard, CDs were estimated to have an archival life of about
40 years. I wonder if any humans will ever read that CD. (And I wonder
even more strongly if they'll have the equipment to read it -- anyone on
the list have a wire recorder?)
--------------------------
From: rissa@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us (Patricia O Tuama)
the other day i was in the post office to buy stamps so i asked
the guy at the counter what kind of 29c stanps they had (i'm still
recovering from having ODed on 15c bambi stamps last year). the
postal clerk shoved this plastic sheet at me on which were encased
two stamps of grace kelly and two stamps of what i thought at first
were eastern-european folk dancers until the clerk explained that
the stamp was actually commemorating the musical "OKLAHOMA!"
"oh, i see," i said, "and here they are, dancing and singing that
OKLAHOMA! song"
"no," says the postal clerk in a tired voice, "they're singing OH
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING"
"how can you tell?" i asked
"because it's morning now," said the clerk in an isn't-it-obvious
voice, "they won't sing OKLAHOMA! until later this afternoon"
needles to say, i bought 20 OKLAHOMA! stamps
--------------------------
From: megatest!bldg2fs1!sfisher@uu2.psi.com (Scott Fisher)
Well, it's been an exciting afternoon. Anybody been near a radio?
Someone went into a building in San Francisco and started shooting
people in a law firm. The most recent official reports say there
are three known dead among the victims, seven wounded, and the
suspect has apparently killed himself.
The building in question is the new office of my old employer and
current contract customer, Marathon Systems. When they read the
address of the shooting on the news, I was confused for a second,
because I'd written it earlier today when I sent them my bill for
the June work I did for them. That was a strange feeling. The
shooting occurred between the 33rd and 35th floors, and my friends
are all on the 18th, but that's still too close. They moved there
about the time I started here, so I haven't seen the place yet.
I went into my new manager's office and thanked him for offering
me the job here...
--------------------------
From: "Chris Kent Kantarjiev" [cak@parc.xerox.com]
Linguistic Thuggery
Hanz Up
Colin McEnroe
It has become commonplace to read in our newpapers of a crime somehwere
in America amusingly bungled by the criminal's ineptitude.
Droll though these news items may be, they reflect an overlooked cost of
our current national crisis in education. The basic learning skills of
criminals have deteriorated to a shocking degree.
Consider the following:
o ITEM. A bank robber in Bumpus, Tenn., handed a teller the following
note: "Watch out. This is a rubbery. I hav an oozy traned on your
but. Dump the in a sack, this one. No die packkets or other triks or
I will tare you a new naval. No kwarter with red stuff on them, too."
Dr. Creon V.B. Smyk of the Ohio Valley Educational Council says such
notes are, lamentably, the rule. "Right across the board, we see poor
pre-writing skills, problems with omissions, tense, agreement, spelling
and clarity," he moaned.
Smyk believes that the quality of robbery notes could be improved if
criminals could be taught to plan before writing.
"We have to stress organization: Make an outline of your robbery note
before you write it," he said. "Some of the notes get totally sidetracked
on issues like the make, model and caliber of the gun, number of bullets,
etc., until one loses sight of the main idea -- the robbery."
o ITEM. In Bent Forks, Ill., kidnapers of ice-cube magnate Worth Bohnke
sent a photograph of their captive to Bohnke's family. Bohnke was seen
holding up a newspaper. It was not that day's edition and, in fact,
bore a prominent headline relating to Nixon's trip to China.
This was pointed out to the kidnapers in a subsequent phone call. They
responded by sending a new photograph showing an up-to-date newspaper.
Bohnke, however, did not appear in the picture.
When this, too, was refused, the kidnapers became peevish and insisted
that a photograph be sent to them showing all the people over at Bohnke's
house holding different issues of _Success_ magazine.
They provided a mailing address and were immediately apprehended. They
later admitted to FBI agents they did not understand the principle
involved in the photograph/newspaper concept. "We thought it was just
some kind of tradition," said one.
Educators agree that such mix-ups point to poor reasoning and
comprehension skills, ignorance of current events, and failure to
complete work in the time allotted.
o ITEM. Burglars in Larch Barrens, Md., tried to cut through a safe
using a Lazer Tag gun.
o ITEM. Industrial thieves broke into the Bilgetek plant in Canasta,
Wash., by crossing a metal catwalk and then blew it up, having
forgotten it was their only means of escape.
o ITEM. Rustlers in Spavin, N.D., made off with three Saint Bernard
dogs, a stationary bicycle and the visiting in-laws of a farmer, after
having failed to correctly identify the valuable cattle on the
premises.
"No problem-solving abilities, no communication skills, no 'plays and
relates well with others,' no nothing," FBI regional director J. Paine
Bloomey said, reviewing the state of modern criminality. "We are talking
plain, flat-out, hard-boiled, stupid as pea turkeys."
By contrast, Japanese criminals score in the range 10 to 15 points higher
than their American counterparts in basic skills tests.
In the Japanese underworld, it is considered a matter of honor to execute
a thoughtful, grammatical, error-free crime.
Still, experts such as Smyk stop short of demanding a total overhaul of
the educational system. "For all their acumen," he says, "Japanese
criminals wind up sacrificing a lot of the joie de vivre you see in our
guys."
--------------------------
From: cjackson@mv.us.adobe.com (Curtis Jackson)
Ordering burritos from my SPARC
There is a little Mexican grocery nearby that has an assembly-line
burrito operation in back. You walk down the line with the person
who is making your burrito, telling them exactly what you want on it.
The problem is that the place is so good and such a good value that
the lines get quite long at times. So La Costena (that's a tilde n)
put in a fax machine and allows you to fax in your orders. Well, we've
gone a quantum leap beyond that with the following.
This is NOT a joke. Ross has taken advantage of the fact that some
PostScript Level 2 printers now have fax capability. Read the whole
doc below when you get a chance -- it represents true burrito decadence!
Curtis
======================================================
Tired of standing in line at La Costena? This file documents an
automatic facility for sending a fax to La Costena that orders 1 or
more burritos, quesadillas, tacos, and whatever. The command will
compose the fax, and send it to your favorite PostScript fax printer,
for direct transmission to La Costena, and no paper at this end will
be generated. Then, when you get there, your food will be waiting.
No worries.
To use this, you will want to add the following lines to your .cshrc
file:
setenv BURRITOPRINTER = [printer]
alias burrito /user/thompson/public/burrito[mach]
where [mach] is dec, sun, or sparc, as appropriate. Requests to
support other machine types will be greeted with enthusiasm if the
following conditions are met:
1) I can get the code to compile with a minimum of effort.
(I expect no difficulties, but you never know).
2) I am provided with the name of a machine on which to do the build.
[printer] should be the name of a PostScript level 2 printer that
supports fax and is connected to an external phone line. I use
griffin, which is located in building A upstairs. However, griffin's
queue has been stuck for days, and so if you have an alternative
printer you can use, I recommend you use it. (Also, please let me
know what it is.) I have been trying to get Andy and Ron to unstuck
griffin, but they are very busy people and ordering burritos doesn't
seem to be a priority with them for some reason.
You will also probably want to create a .costenarc file, to define
your burrito macros in. The one in /user/thompson/.costenarc is
designed to stand as an example that you can use. Feel free to copy,
modify, whatever. I think the syntax should be pretty
straightforward, if you understand how to describe a burrito.
In keeping with long standing Unix tradition, the syntax for
specifying burritos is somewhat obscure. Here is an attempt at
explanation, with some examples at the end. For a better
understanding, the energetic reader will attempt to thoroughly
comprehend the contents of my .costenarc file.
burrito [-n "name"] [-t [time]] [-p phone#] [-d] [-x] [FoodSpec [...]]
-n specify the name at the top of the order blank.
This should be the name of the person who will pick
up the order. Default is current user, as defined in
/etc/passwd.
-t specify the time at which you will pick up the order.
time may be absolute 24 hour time or +delta. Default is +1:00.
Note that La Costena specifies a 20 minute on small orders
and 60 minute on large orders minimum notification time.
-p specify callback number in case La Costena has questions.
default is as found in /usr/local/adobe/phones/adobe.phones.
If your phone number is not specified, and burrito can't
figure it out by looking in adobe.phones, an error will result,
and the order will not be transmitted.
syntaxes for phone numbers:
entry interpretation
(408)123-4567 (408)123-4567
123-4567 (415)123-4567
x4567 (415)962-4567
If you are entering the phone number on the command line
(instead of using a macro) please note that the ()'s need
to be escaped: \(408\)....
The following two options are installed primarily to help me debug
the code. There is probably no reason for general use of these options,
unless you have some perverse desire to see the guts of this thing
in operation.
-d debug: print the file locally rather than faxing it.
-x xmit off: don't run the shell script at all. PostScript file
will be left in ~/.faxorder.ps
Up to six FoodSpecs can be specified:
FoodSpec::=[type][options*][/[name]]
[type] ::= [b|t|m|q|T]
(burrito, taco, mexico city, quesadilla, Taqitaco)
options:
+g gucamole
+c cheddar
+cc cotija
+cl cilantro
+cm monterey
+i"note" special instructions (e.g. black beans, no rice, etc.)
NOTE: the "s need to be escaped if the shell sees them:
+i\"note\"
+j whole jalepenos
+jf fresh jalapenos
+js sliced jalapenos
+n:[i] [i] copies of this food item. (default = 1)
+o olives
+s medium salsa
+sc sour cream
+sf fire salsa
+sh hot salsa
+sm mild salsa
+sv salsa verde
+t tomato
+v:ca carne azada
+v:cc chile colorado
+v:cv chile verde
+v:f fiesta
+v:l lengua (beef tongue)
+v:m mole (chicken)
+v:p pastor
+v:pb pollo borracho
+v:rb rice and beans (default)
+v:v vegetarian
+z:l large
+z:r regular (default)
+z:c chico (small)
-[option] cancels option. Not valid for ":" options or +i.
This is useful for modifying burrito macros specified in
.costenarc file.
example:
burrito -time +:30 b+g+cc+jf+jf+sf+sc-sc+i"Black Beans"+n:2/Ross \
b+v:cc+g+cm+sc+i"no rice"/Kathie
interpretation:
logged in user will pick up an order in 30 minutes.
Ross wants two rice and bean (default) burritos with
guacamole
cotija
fresh jalepenos (double)
fire salsa
no sour cream (cancelled)
Black beans (comment)
Kathie wants a Chile Colorado burrito with
guacamole
montery cheese
sour cream
no rice (comment)
You should keep your +i comments short, because there isn't much space on
the form for them, and the space is not used particularly well by my
PostScript program. "Black beans, no rice" is about as long a
message as it can handle.
FILES:
/etc/passwd
/usr/local/adobe/phones/adobe.phones
$HOME/.costenarc
$HOME/.faxorder.ps
ENVIRONMENT VARIABLES:
BURRITOPRINTER
BUGS:
There's all kinds of ways to break this thing. The lines in your
.costenarc file should be less than 1000 characters, or the stack will
get trashed. The PostScript program does not make particularly good
use of the "Comments" section of the form (controlled by the "+i"
switch), and doesn't detect when it is writing things off the side of
the page. I have no idea what will happen if the disk is full when
burrito tries to write the .faxorder.ps file, or if it can't open it
because the directory is protected, or whatever. But if you are
reasonable in your expectations of the program, and don't try to break
it, I think you'll find that it's adequate. For bug reports, see my
comments below about future enhancements.
FUTURE ENHANCEMENTS:
This is the kind of thing that everybody will have suggestions on
how to improve. I will duly record every feature enhancement request,
but I can't promise that I'll do any more than that. I have no
intention whatsoever, for example, of writing a Graphical User
Interface for this thing, even though so many people think that it's a
natural. As I have said (many times) before about this: "When I'm
done with the program, you are more than welcome to add any features
that you wish." Well, I'm (essentially) done. Anyone who wants the
source, it's in /user/thompson/public/burrito.c. Go for it.
----------------------------------------------------------------
--
Henry Cate III [cate3@netcom.com]
The Life collection maintainer, selections of humor from the internet
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in
overalls and looks like work. - Thomas Edison
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