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From: cate3@netcom.com (Henry Cate)
Subject: Life 9.9
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Date: 25 Jan 93 17:49:23 PST (Monday)
Subject: Life 9.9
----------------------------------------------------
The following are selections from Keith Bostic's mailing list
bostic@vangogh.cs.berkeley.edu
--------------------------
MCDONALD'S STATUE GOES UP IN FLAMES
San Jose Mercury News - Wednesday June 19, 1991
PHOENIX - The kidnapping of a life-size Ronald
McDonald statue came to an unhappy end, with the
clown left burning in the desert.
The 300-pound statue, stolen Sunday from a
McDonald's in Mesa, was found in flames by a
sheriff's helicopter crew that night.
In a phone call claiming responsibility, a man
said the robbery was an attempt to get McDonald's
to offer better food for vegetarians.
--------------------------
IDEAL HOME FOR NUCLEAR FAMILY? YIZZ
LONDON, REUTER - CASH-STRAPPED BRITAIN PLANS TO SELL OFF
NUCLEAR BUNKERS BUILT DURING THE COLD WAR ERA TO SAVE THE
COUNTRY'S TOP BRASS FROM ATOMIC ANNIHILATION, THE INDEPENDENT
NEWSPAPER SAID ON THURSDAY.
THE ESTIMATED 20 OR SO UNDERGROUND BUNKERS, WHICH COME
EQUIPPED WITH FOOD SUPPLIES AND CHEMICAL LAVATORIES, ARE NO
LONGER CONSIDERED NECESSARY FOR CIVIL DEFENCE FOLLOWING THE END
OF THE COLD WAR, THE NEWSPAPER SAID.
"THE INFORMATION IS STILL CLASSIFIED, THOUGH OBVIOUSLY WHEN
WE COME TO DISPOSE OF THEM WE WILL TELL PEOPLE HOW MANY THERE
ARE AND WHERE," IT QUOTED A HOME OFFICE SPOKESWOMAN AS SAYING.
19-NOV-0346. HHK761 HA10570 NEVL
--------------------------
Car Break-in Ring Cracked
By Tom Alex - Register Staff Writer
{Des Moines (Iowa) Register, Friday, October 9, 1992, page 1M}
Des Moines police this week broke a sophisticated youth theft ring
that was using license plate numbers and state records to locate
cars for late-night break-ins. The youths would spot cars with
expensive stereo gear in parking lots during the day and then use
Iowa Department of Transportation computer records to determine
where cars would be parked at night. With the license plate numbers,
the teen-ager went to an Iowa Department of Transportation office
at Park Fair Mall and used public access computers to learn the home
addresses of the owners of the vehicles. He and his cohorts didn't
want to break into the vehicles when there were a lot of potential
witnesses around, police said, so they found addresses from
registration information and visited the victims at their leisure.
Security problems with public access computers cropped up last year
shortly after the computer terminals were installed, said Jan Hardy,
assistant office director with vehicle registration. A case worked
in the juvenile system reported having a client who had been using
the terminals for illegal activities. Sortly afterward, officials
developed a security system to help curtail illegal acts. People
wishing to look up license plate numbers must identify themselves to
the computer. "If they use the front counter terminal and sign on
themselves, that does provide at least some tracking of inquires,"
said Hardy.
--------------------------
Supergun
-- Business Week Oct 12, 1992
Essentially a giant BB gun, the prototype Super High altitude Research
Project (SHARP) launcher is being assembled in the hills east of
California's Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory, which has spent
three years and $4 million developing it. The first SHARP gun will shoot
an 11 lb. projectile into a mound of sand at 9,000 mph. Instead of
gunpowder, the "bullet" will be propelled by hydrogen gas that is
compressed by a 1-ton piston in a 270 foot long, 14 inch diameter
barrel and blow the projectile out. If this test goes well, John
Hunter, the Livermore physicist who heads SHARP, hopes to build
bigger guns that eventually launch 7-ton payloads into orbit. Hunter
figures such a device could deliver payloads for $500 per kilogram, vs.
$20,000 per kilogram using the space shuttle.
--------------------------
AP 10/31 00:26 EST V0799
Copyright 1992. The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) -- An ABC "20-20" crew is in trouble for dropping a taco
in a marked bag from an airplane to test the government's anti-drug efforts,
U.S. Customs officials said.
Donald Shruhan, Customs special agent in charge in Tucson, said the U.S.
attorney's office will determine whether to prosecute reporter Tom Jarriel and
the crew for smuggling.
"They jettisoned a package of Mexican foodstuffs," Shruhan said Friday.
The ABC crew got in trouble Thursday after several people reported seeing a
Cessna 182 single-engine plane buzzing a ranch near the tiny border town of
Sasabe, Shruhan said.
The crew was testing the airborne and ground-based radar the government
uses to detect drug smugglers, who often fly low over the border and drop
packages of drugs that are retrieved by their associates.
After the sighting, a Customs plane followed Jarriel's aircraft and a
Customs helicopter trailed the network van used to retrieve the taco, which
was wrapped in an lightweight ABC News pouch, said Scott Eshelman, assistant
branch chief for Customs' aviation operations branch in Tucson.
Eshelman called ABC's simulated drug drop "a waste of time and a waste of
taxpayers' money."
Jarriel was advised the crew had broken several federal laws, including
discharging merchandise without reporting it to Customs, Eshelman said. No
arrests were made.
Jarriel was unavailable for comment at ABC headquarters in New York.
Network spokeswoman Lucy Kraus said the crew had filed a proper flight plan
with the Federal Aviation Administration and declined further comment.
--------------------------
RED-FACED POLITICIANS - "ADVANCE AUSTRALIA ERMMM" YJEO
SYDNEY, REUTER - AUSTRALIA'S RIGHT-WING COALITION
OPPOSITION, WHICH SAID THIS WEEK NEW CITIZENS SHOULD BE TESTED
ON THE COUNTRY'S NATIONAL ANTHEM, WAS RED-FACED ON FRIDAY WHEN
ITS LEADERS WERE LOST FOR WORDS AFTER THE FIRST VERSE.
JOHN HEWSON, LEADER OF THE LIBERAL PARTY, HALTINGLY
COMPLETED THE FIRST VERSE OF "ADVANCE AUSTRALIA FAIR" WITH SOME
PROMPTING DURING A TELEVISION INTERVIEW.
NATIONAL PARTY LEADER TIM FISCHER SAILED THROUGH THE FIRST
VERSE BUT CONFESSED IN A FRIDAY RADIO INTERVIEW THAT HE COULD
NOT REMEMBER ANY OF THE SECOND VERSE.
--------------------------
From cgtransition@rock.little.ar.us Thu Nov 12 09:12:46 1992
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Date: Thu, 12 Nov 92 09:15:10 EST
Subject: TRANSITION NOTES #76
12 Nov 92
CONFIDENTIAL -- For team eyes only
We have completed discussions with our prime candidate for
Director of the FBI and will make the name public shortly.
Al asked him explicitly about his technology concerns and how
the new admin can help. [Director] said he was concerned about
the so-called digital telephony proposal which, he says, must be
passed if the FBI is to continue the same level of service to
the American people. Al said he could help out in Congress.
[Director] said that is not enough. Currently there is one FBI
agent for every 12,200 Americans, which means that most phone
calls cannot be monitored even if FBI wanted to. He proposed
hiring 100,000,000 new agents so that one can be assigned full
time to listen to each American telephone line. He suggested
this could be the massive jobs program that Bill has been
looking for -- it would virtually eliminate unemployment in the
country and go well beyond his promise to the American people.
He said that Bill could be known as the most listening
president the country has ever known. Al said the idea was
intriguing and he would discuss it with Bill.
W.C.
--------------------------
* Amount the Department of Defense wil spend on softballs this year:
$1,000,000.
* Percentage of Iowans who say they would like having Madonna for a
neighbor "a lot": 8.
* Average annual salary Zabar's delicatessen in New York City pays
lox slicers with at least 10 years' experience: $60,000.
* Chances that a defendant tried in a criminal case in Japan will
be found guilty: 99 in 100.
* Breasts bared on a Canadian border bridge last July to celebrate
New York State's legalization of topless sunbathing: 40.
* Amount of candy corn produced in the United States each year,
expressed in ears: 2,250,000.
* Ratio of the number of times President Bush has had his hair cut
this year to the number of times Bill Clinton has: 2:1.
* Estimated cost of a complete set of the 200 human body parts now
available in artificial form: $25,000,000.
* Number of the 20 U.S. communities applying to host nuclear-waste
dumpsites that are Indian reservations: 16.
* Amount spent to operate the U.S. prison system last year, per
prisoner: $20,296.
* Amount spent on welfare last year, per benefits recipient: $1,620.
* Percentage of Americans in their 20's who say that corruption is
"an important factor in getting ahead": 37.
Excerpted from an excerpt of Harper's Index in Funny Times
--------------------------
DEARBORN, Mich., Nov. 6 (AP) -- A corporal on this city's police force
has been suspended and ordered to undergo psychiatric evaluation
because he writes the number seven with a horizontal line through the
downstroke.
The 42-year-old officer, Brian Yinger, says he tried to break the habit
when he was ordered to do so six months ago. But he forgot while
writing some reports and as a result was taken before a Police
Department disciplinary board.
'The way he was writing them was confusing for the typist,' the Police
Chief, Robert Deziel, said. 'He defied the order to stop. He was told
he would face disciplinary action.'
The board suspended Corporal Yinger without pay for three days and
ordered him to undergo psychiatric evaluation, scheduled for today, to
determine whether the old sevens were out of his system.
Many people write the number seven with a line through the downstroke
as a way of clearly differentiating it from the number one. The
practice is particularly common in Europe.
It is also common for Corporal Yinger, who, after serving his
suspension, returned to work on Thursday. 'I have been making these
sevens for 30 years,' he said. 'I've never had a problem before.'
Corporal Yinger said he had acquired the habit in the seventh grade
[sic] and had continued writing the objectionable seven during his
years in the Navy and the Naval Reserve and for more than 15 years on
the Dearborn police force.
Because he fears that his punishment will hurt his career and cost him
a promotion to sergeant, he has appealed to the city's Civil Service
Commission to have the disciplinary board's action overturned. If he
loses there, he says, he will take the matter to a state arbitrator.
The dispute could end up costing the city nearly $4,000 in transcript
and arbitration fees. But Chief Deziel said that although the matter
'will be time-consuming, it's worth it.'
--------------------------
TELEPHONE GADGET OFFERS A POLITE ESCAPE
by Anthony Ramirez, New York Times
To Miss Manners, also known as Judith Martin, call waiting is 'incredibly
rude.' To Letitia Baldridge, another etiquette expert, it is 'an
instrument of the Devil.' But to David H. Schmidt, budding entrepreneur,
it can be a polite way of easing out of a phone call that has dragged on
for too long. ...
Mr. Schmidt, 30 years old, has invented a fake call-waiting system that
gets talkative friends and family, and buttonholing telemarketers, to hang
up in deference to an ersatz incoming call. And Mr. Schmidt can wring this
advantage without call waiting's fees, which in Manhattan run $16 for
installation and $5.19 a month.
Mr. Schmidt's simple electronic device, which sells for $14.95,
simulates the brief interruption and click of the call-waiting signal.
The device is called Gotta Go. ...
Last summer, Mr. Schmidt was dating an extremely talkative woman. Mr.
Schmidt and his partner, David Whitlock, 34, worked from home while
setting up their consumer electronics company, Eclipse Products, now in
Darien, Conn. Mr. Schmidt had call waiting.
'She would call and go on and on about her nails, her trip to the
beauty parlor and things I just didn't want to hear about,' Mr. Schmidt
recalled. On one such occasion, though, another call came in,
triggering the call-waiting click. Mr. Schmidt's woman friend
immediately said, 'I know you're really busy, so I'll let you go.'
Mr. Schmidt, amused, told the next caller, an electrical engineering
consultant, what had happened. The engineer, equally amused, said call
waiting was easy to simulate and told him how. Mr. Schmidt then bought
a few electronics parts and built the prototype of Gotta Go.
So far, because Mr. Schmidt has not signed up any retailers for his
gadget, he has not sold many. For the moment, he is selling them
through a toll-free mail-order number: 1-800-247-2570.
And what about the woman friend who prompted the invention? Mr. Schmidt
sighed and said, 'She had to go.'
--------------------------
From: sybase!hildo@sun.com (Dave Hildebrandt)
When attempting to explain various operating systems,
I came up with the following metaphors into the Trek universe.
Explanations are given before the connection.
Everything thought out to the nth degree.
Steeped in arcane ritual.
+ BSD Unix, and the Vulcans
Does things the traditional, uncivilized way.
+ System V Unix, and the Klingon Empire
A combination of the above. An unstable mixture at best.
+ Sys V Rel 4, and the Federation
As powerful but strange. Very restrictive.
Requires a different mindset and a lot of formalism.
+ VMS, and the Romulans
Small, wily, mostly for profit. Lots of small
independent operators who occasionally gang up.
+ DOS, and the Ferengi
The following two non-operating system metaphors
also come to mind.
Your mind has already been assimilated.
+ Usenet, and the Borg
Judges you by the standards of three centuries ago.
Occasionally makes it hard to get work done.
+ George Bush, and Q
--------------------------
This was in Ann Landers in today's paper. I thought it was classic:
Dear Ann--
On April 30 of this year, the LA riots were in full swing.
I was with a couple of friends and we got carried away with
all the excitement. One guy suggested that we join the rest
of the crowd and loot a Korean dry cleaners.
The scene was incredible. There were about 20 people grabbing
as much stuff as they could before the store was set on fire.
That's when I saw this great leather coat hanging not two yards
from me. I went to grab it and at the very same moment, ``Wanda''
reached for it, too.
She was beautiful, and she really wanted that coat, so I made
her a deal. She could have it if she would let me take her to
dinner.
We hit it off right away and I knew that night we were perfect
for each other. We plan to be married next April.
The problem is this: Many out-of-town family members will want
to know how we met. Should we tell them the truth? Should we lie?
We aren't convicted criminals. We both work and have no police
records.
And her response:
Reply to "Pair steal more than each other's hearts":
What a charming way to meet people! Here I've been suggesting church
and temple affairs, volunteer groups and night school classes. You say
you have no criminal record? Too bad. You SHOULD, because what you
did was clearly criminal. Do you have any idea how hard those Koreans
worked to open their shops? Overnight, everything they had was gone,
thanks to animals like you. As for your question, sorry, pal, I'm
fresh out of cover stories.
--
Henry Cate III [cate3@netcom.com]
The Life collection maintainer, selections of humor from the internet
"The Greatest Management Principle in the World" by Michael LeBoeuf:
The things that get rewarded, get done.
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