Date: 19 Oct 92 15:52:41 PDT (Monday) Subject: Life 8.S ---------------------------------------------------- The following are selections I've saved from a mailing list run by: bostic@okeeffe.cs.berkeley.edu (Keith Bostic) ************************** The animal that coils in a circle is the serpent; that's why so many cults and myths of the serpent exist, because it's hard to represent the return of the sun by the coiling of a hippopotamus. -- Pete Hartman ************************** ]From: mgm2_ss@troi.cc.rochester.edu (Malcolm Mead) Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Western Eurocentric Male dominated human-race entered its world, removed its culture and religated it to a life of domestic subservience in which it was forced to perform such tasks as crossing the road (which is symbolic of humanity's rape of the natural world) for the sole purpose of entertaining it's oppressors. However, the fowl would no longer stand for such injustice, and refusing the derogatory title of "chicken", is rebelling against a system that has forced it to take part in such things as contemplating whether it preceded its own child, the egg. As such it needed to carry it's message to other suffering fowl, who all happened to be on the other side of the road. ************************** From: sam@inavex.neoaci.msk.su (Konstantin V. Samotescul) Russian Mi-17 helicopters for sale We are offering for sale two Mi-17 helicopters (one-new,other-used). Price 4,000,000 US$ for both. Spare parts, maintenance programe will be provided. If you should have any questions, please feel free to contact us at your convenience. International Aviation Industry Exchange, Moscow, Russia. Konstantin Samoteskul. Phone(voice/fax): (095)361-6473 E-mail: sam@inavex.neoaci.msk.su ************************** From: Patrick Tufts [zippy@filbert.cs.brandeis.edu] roommate from hell - servant of satan My friend Alma stopped by last weekend. Her car was making a horrible racket, so I took a look. The heat shield had serious rust and transmission fluid was making a hasty exit, stage down. I noticed some odd writing in the dust on the hood as I closed it. Alma said "That's my roommate trying to put a spell on me. Pretty pathetic, isn't it?" She had earlier told me that this was the THIRD "psycho satan worshipping roommate (and boyfriend)" that she had had. When I asked her how they were getting along, she replied "the lease has seven weeks left." Moral: wash your car regularly so it doesn't invite easy cursing. Words to live by. ************************** Extracted from some personal mail: That was then and this is now. I work on applications on the Mac these days. I learned the lesson a long time ago but it took awhile to sink in. Dan was working at SGI and I was working at Fortune Systems and our mother came out to visit. How to you explain a device driver for a communications coprocessor board to your mother even if it was SNA, BISYNC X25 compatible and transparent to the Unix file system calls. So I gave her a demo of vi and she said, "that's very good, Chris." Dan took her over to SGI and she was landing F15's on a carrier deck at night. Needless to say, mom always liked Dan best and I eventually decided to hightail it to applications. ************************** From: Neil.Groundwater@Central.Sun.COM (Neil Groundwater) [from the Colorado Springs Gazette] "In Philadelphia, how many airport workers does it take to change a light bulb? The answer, we kid you not, is three. According to civil-service rules at the Philadelphia International Airport, changing a light bulb requires a building mechanic to remove the light panel, an electrician to change the bulb, and a janitor to sweep up after them. Privatized airports, anyone?" ************************** News of the Weird, 25 July 1992 Japan Efficiency Headquarters, an "entertainment business company" in Chiba, Japan, rents "family members" out to senior citizens who would like to enjoy the benefits of a close-knit family from time to time. Typically, a husband, wife and child are requested, and have been trained by the company to engage in family-type activities as if everyone in the room were related. The typical cost for three hours is $1,100. Ring magazine reported that boxer Daniel Caruso, moments before the bell to begin his New York City Golden Gloves fight in January, tried to psyche himself up by using the method employed by former champion Marvin Hagler -- pounding his gloves into his face. Caruso broke his own nose, forcing cancellation of the fight. Researchers at Merck, Sharp & Dohme pharmaceutical house, seeking a powerful blood coagulant, are studying a "provocative and interesting" new substance: vampire-bat saliva. Preliminary research on rabbits showed the saliva to be several times more effective than the next best substance. In April, the daily Nashville Tennessean newspaper disclosed that Domino's pizza dealers in the area had a policy of refusing to deliver pizzas to certain predominantly black neighborhoods. As the weekly Nashville Scene newspaper reported two weeks later, the Tennessean, itself, has a policy of discouraging home delivery subscriptions of the paper to the very same areas. In May, Peru billed the United States for $20,000, which it says were the costs incurred while cleaning up the remains of a U.S. Air Force Plane that crashed in the country and for medical bills for the injured crew. The aircraft, a U.S. drug surveillance plane that was unarmed, was shot down by Peruvian air force fighter jets. One crewman was killed and four were wounded. Researchers in Connecticut, writing in the February Hospital and Community Psychiatry, reported that patients in psychiatric wards who constantly watched MTV suffered psychological deterioration. Signs of deterioration were increased hallucinations, belligerence and hostility toward staff (especially female staff). When MTV was banned, patients' frequency of aggressiveness was reduced. ************************** More News of the Weird: * A Michigan boating agency official, after examining all accidents in the state over the last 15 years, concluded recently that the most dangerous activity for boaters is falling overboard. [Canoe, May 1992] * Channel 5 in Nashville, Tenn., held a "Mission: Bermuda Triangle" trivia contest in May offering viewers a chance to win a seven-day vacation in Florida. The contest had to be restarted after the "hundreds" of initial entries disappeared from the station. (The manager suspects a cleaning-crew mistake.) [The Tennessean, 5-30-92] * James Sinclair, who had sued the Los Angeles Police Department in an excessive-force case, shot his lawyer, Michael Friedman, to death in June. The Associated Press said witnesses to the shooting quoted Sinclair as saying, "Attorneys have ruined the world," "Attorneys have done enough damage to the people," and "Now is the day of justice." [L. A. Times, 6-2-92; Washington Post- AP, 6-3-92] * Peace activist Kwazi Nkrumah, angered by a series of unfavorable articles by local newspaper editor Bruce Anderson in Santa Rosa, Calif., confronted Anderson in May and slugged him. [[Santa Maria Times, May92]] Least Competent Person * Janie A. Coleman was arrested in Columbia, Mo., in January after being accused of trying to pass counterfeit $5 bills in the purchase of perfume. The bills were merely photocopied fronts and backs of bills, taped together. [Missourian, 2-2-92] ************************** From: wisner@privateidaho.EBay.Sun.COM (Bill Wisner) Big Wad O' NOTW Sam F. Stewart, 17, was arrested for burglary in Waskom, Texas, in April, after he had broken into a van housed in a residential garage and then inadvertently activated the electric locks while trying to start the car. As he hit various controls in an attempt to get out of the car, he awoke the owners. Stewart was still trapped inside the car when police arrived. Sheriff Bill Wiester announced in Moses Lake, Wash., in March that he had arrested a man sitting in a car bobbing his head and who thus looked like he was doing drugs. On closer inspection, however, no drugs were found; the man had a straw in his mouth and was blowing bubbles into a fishbowl he was holding in his lap, aerating the water for his pet piranha. Among the information that came to light in April as a result of Atlanta's new government officials' financial disclosure law was the existence of the city's not-well-known Board of Astrology. The Associated Press could find no records of the board at City Hall but concluded after interviewing its three smoked-out members that the board administers tests to, and licenses, prospective astrologers. ************************** From: Joe Wiggins [JWIGG@UAFSYSB.UARK.EDU] In the news... LATEST NEGATIVE CASH-FLOW ROBBERY A man held up a Circle K store in Waco, Texas, on Nov. 29 after first diverting the clerk's attention by putting a $20 bill on the counter and asking for change. When the robber pulled a gun and demanded the entire contents of the cash register, the clerk put everything in a bag and handed it to the robber - all $15. The robber left the $20 bill on the counter as he fled. UNDER ARREST Arthur Gloria, 20, was arrested at a police station in Chicago as he was leaving, after having taken the written test to qualify for becoming a police officer. He had driven a stolen car to the exam and parked it illegally outside the station. LEAST COMPETENT PEOPLE Huntington Beach, Calif., police Lt. Patrick Gidea reported in November that officers conducting an undercover drug purchase sting continued to make arrests of eager would-be customers even after large orange "police" signs were placed in the area. Said Gildea, "We actually had people coming up and getting in line (to buy cocaine) when we had people (under arrest and handcuffed lying) on the gound." LEAST COMPETENT PERSON Michael Stohr, 26, was arrested for counterfeiting in Madison, Wis., in September after clerks at a printing supply store tipped off federal investigators about a man who had been browsing around. Clerks said the man lingered in the store holding dollar bills up to a color chart and finally placing an order for a particular shade of green ink. ANONYMOUS TIP Prison escapee James Sanders was captured by federal agents at his home in Stinnett, Texas, in January after 17 years on the lam, during which he had established a new life, married and fathered a daughter. Agents were tipped off when Sanders, out of curiosity, telephoned the FBI to ask whether they were still pursuing James Sanders. ************************** News of the weird A newspaper reported in June that the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency's executive fleet of cars averages only 6.2 miles per gallon, less than one-fourth the federally mandated average of 27.5. The Philadelphia Inquirer reported in June on the local "Silent Meeting club," consisting of several people who gather at various spots around town and make it a point not to speak to each other. Founder John Hudak said his inspiration was his observation that people often feel obligated to talk when they really have nothing to say, such as at parties. ************************** From: Mateo.Burtch@Eng.Sun.COM (M. Burtch. Aloha.) The Harpo's Index Rank of first three numbers among the positive integers: 1,2,3 Chance of being hit by lightning while playing "Pictionary" with Efram Zimbalist, Jr: 1 in 7,304,302,082 Number of brain cells killed off, on average, by a glass of beer: 35,000 By "Geraldo": 750,000 Likelihood of an intelligent conversation with someone with a Megadeath bumpersticker: 0 in 1,000,000 Number of death-row inmates at the Allenwood Federal Prison who commit suicide rather than listen to Whitney Houston during the appeals process: 76 Leona Helmsley's new name: 206643981 Rank of France in its own mind: 1 Copyright 1992 Mateo Burtch. ************************** In the late 1870s, George Selden, a lawyer/inventor specializing in patents, heard about the development of the automobile in Europe. He realized that it was a product of the future, and "set his mind to working out the precise legal definition and wording of a patent that would give him the sole right to license and charge royalties on future automobile developments in America." Some twenty years later, with the auto industry beginning to show signs of life, he set up a partnership with a few wealthy Wall Street sharks and began asserting his "rights" with automakers. To his surprise, even the five biggest car manufacturers agreed to pay him royalties rather than go to court. By 1903, this royalty-paying alliance of carmakers had officially become the Association of Licensed Automobile Manufacturers (ALAM). Henry Ford, then a fledgling automaker, applied for membership ... and was refused. His reaction: "Let them try to put me out of business!" He took out ads telling his dealers that "the Selden patent does not cover any practicable machine", and dared Selden's group to take him to court. They did. Ford and the ALAM battled it out for six years. Then in 1909, a Federal judge determined that Selden's patent was valid; Selden and his allies legally owned ALL rights to the car. Immediately, carmakers that had held off on joining the ALAM - including the newly formed General Motors - fell into line to pay royalties. The ALAM magnanimously offered to settle cheaply with Ford, but Henry fought on. "There will be no let up in this legal fight", he announced angrily. Finally, on January 9, 1911, a Federal Court of Appeals ruled in Ford's favor. Selden and his cronies were forced to give up; the ALAM was never heard from again. -- from Uncle John's Second Bathroom Reader - St Martin's Press 1989. ************************** From: donn@BSDI.COM (Donn Seeley) Calvin's going to be really pissed when he hears about this... [There were 18 more sites named Hobbes than were named Calvin! -- Donn] From: SRI NISC [nisc@nisc.sri.com] Domain Survery -- July 1992 Network Information Systems Center July 1992 SRI International Internet Domain Survey The Domain Survey attempts to discover every host on the Internet by doing a complete search of the Domain Name System. The latest results gathered during late July 1992 are listed. For more information see RFC 1296; for detailed data see the pub/zone directory on ftp.nisc.sri.com. This survey was done using the census program developed at the University of California Santa Cruz; see technical report UCSC-CRL-92-34 available on host ftp.cse.ucsc.edu in pub/csl. -- Mark K. Lottor Hosts: 992,000 [890,000 hosts in Apr 1992] Domains: 16,300 [approximately] Host Distribution by Top-Level Domain Name 326630 edu 21021 se 2902 kr 943 br 74 hu 277551 com 19192 fr 2803 il 789 mx 50 int 62584 gov 17188 ch 2733 dk 633 pl 43 ee 48639 au 15757 jp 2410 hk 624 ie 14 yu 43907 de 15718 fi 2118 tw 616 gr 8 tn 38929 ca 14354 no 2073 za 569 cs 6 in 37776 uk 7044 net 1831 nz 400 is 5 ve 33161 mil 6489 at 1532 be 201 us 5 aq 25896 org 5147 it 1318 pt 165 cl 2 ar 21105 nl 3603 es 949 sg 80 lu 1 th Top 50 Host Names 508 venus 377 gw 303 eagle 263 fred 240 mac12 471 pluto 360 mercury 301 mac5 262 sirius 240 mac11 438 mars 355 iris 296 gauss 262 mac8 236 alpha 421 cisco 351 pc2 292 pc3 262 hermes 235 mac13 408 pc1 337 mac3 284 mac6 259 mac9 234 mac14 407 jupiter 334 orion 275 hobbes 257 calvin 231 phoenix 405 zeus 320 mac4 274 mac10 254 pc4 231 mozart 405 mac1 310 newton 271 mac7 253 apollo 231 mac15 383 mac2 310 neptune 266 thor 248 athena 227 earth 381 saturn 306 charon 263 merlin 243 titan 226 mac16 ************************** From: mash@mips.com (John Mashey) 3) The main reason is to get more address sapce (conveniently). There are not a *huge* number of these things; however, the ones that are there are *extremely* important to the people who use them, as they are things like: 1) Scientific codes "Goody; we expand our FORTRAN arrays by factor of 10" 2) Some ECAD programs "Goody, we can still simulate the R11000 after all" 3) Some MCAD programs "Great, we can simulate the 199x automobile in one piece." 4) Video& animation "Great, let's get put Terminator 6 in memory for editing" 5) Financial "Good, we can finally put the financial model of the US in memory and grep around in it at speed." 6) DBMS "Good, we can map 4 whole 1GB SCSI disks into memory at once", i.e., disks that fit in a desktop box. 7) CASE "Thank goodness, there's still space for the new EMACS" :-) ************************** From: M.Apps@rea0805.wins.icl.co.uk Who said C programmers didn't have a sense of humour - get yer giggle tackle around this lot. I'll be recovering from a bout of sidesplitting in a few moments... These are some of the error messages produced by Apple's MPW C compiler. These are all real. "String literal too long (I let you have 512 characters, that's 3 more than ANSI said I should)" "You can't modify a constant, float upstream, win an arguement with the IRS, or satisfy this compiler" "Can't cast a void type to type void (because the ANSI spec. says so, that's why)" "we already did this function" "Call me paranoid but finding `/*' inside this comment makes me suspicious"
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