Date: 19 Oct 92 15:52:41 PDT (Monday)
Subject: Life 8.S
----------------------------------------------------
The following are selections I've saved from a mailing list run by:
bostic@okeeffe.cs.berkeley.edu (Keith Bostic)
**************************
The animal that coils in a circle is the serpent; that's why so many cults
and myths of the serpent exist, because it's hard to represent the return
of the sun by the coiling of a hippopotamus.
-- Pete Hartman
**************************
]From: mgm2_ss@troi.cc.rochester.edu (Malcolm Mead)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the Western Eurocentric Male dominated human-race entered its
world, removed its culture and religated it to a life of domestic
subservience in which it was forced to perform such tasks as crossing the
road (which is symbolic of humanity's rape of the natural world) for the
sole purpose of entertaining it's oppressors. However, the fowl would
no longer stand for such injustice, and refusing the derogatory title of
"chicken", is rebelling against a system that has forced it to take part
in such things as contemplating whether it preceded its own child, the egg.
As such it needed to carry it's message to other suffering fowl, who all
happened to be on the other side of the road.
**************************
From: sam@inavex.neoaci.msk.su (Konstantin V. Samotescul)
Russian Mi-17 helicopters for sale
We are offering for sale two Mi-17 helicopters (one-new,other-used).
Price 4,000,000 US$ for both. Spare parts, maintenance programe will
be provided.
If you should have any questions, please feel free to contact us at
your convenience.
International Aviation Industry Exchange, Moscow, Russia.
Konstantin Samoteskul.
Phone(voice/fax): (095)361-6473
E-mail: sam@inavex.neoaci.msk.su
**************************
From: Patrick Tufts [zippy@filbert.cs.brandeis.edu]
roommate from hell - servant of satan
My friend Alma stopped by last weekend. Her car was making a horrible
racket, so I took a look. The heat shield had serious rust and transmission
fluid was making a hasty exit, stage down.
I noticed some odd writing in the dust on the hood as I closed it. Alma said
"That's my roommate trying to put a spell on me. Pretty pathetic, isn't it?"
She had earlier told me that this was the THIRD "psycho satan worshipping
roommate (and boyfriend)" that she had had. When I asked her how they
were getting along, she replied "the lease has seven weeks left."
Moral: wash your car regularly so it doesn't invite easy cursing.
Words to live by.
**************************
Extracted from some personal mail:
That was then and this is now. I work on applications on the Mac
these days. I learned the lesson a long time ago but it took
awhile to sink in.
Dan was working at SGI and I was working at Fortune Systems and
our mother came out to visit. How to you explain a device driver
for a communications coprocessor board to your mother even if it
was SNA, BISYNC X25 compatible and transparent to the Unix file
system calls. So I gave her a demo of vi and she said, "that's
very good, Chris." Dan took her over to SGI and she was landing
F15's on a carrier deck at night. Needless to say, mom always
liked Dan best and I eventually decided to hightail it to
applications.
**************************
From: Neil.Groundwater@Central.Sun.COM (Neil Groundwater)
[from the Colorado Springs Gazette]
"In Philadelphia, how many airport workers does it take to change a
light bulb? The answer, we kid you not, is three. According to
civil-service rules at the Philadelphia International Airport, changing
a light bulb requires a building mechanic to remove the light panel, an
electrician to change the bulb, and a janitor to sweep up after them.
Privatized airports, anyone?"
**************************
News of the Weird, 25 July 1992
Japan Efficiency Headquarters, an "entertainment business company" in
Chiba, Japan, rents "family members" out to senior citizens who would
like to enjoy the benefits of a close-knit family from time to time.
Typically, a husband, wife and child are requested, and have been trained
by the company to engage in family-type activities as if everyone in the
room were related. The typical cost for three hours is $1,100.
Ring magazine reported that boxer Daniel Caruso, moments before the bell
to begin his New York City Golden Gloves fight in January, tried to psyche
himself up by using the method employed by former champion Marvin Hagler --
pounding his gloves into his face. Caruso broke his own nose, forcing
cancellation of the fight.
Researchers at Merck, Sharp & Dohme pharmaceutical house, seeking a powerful
blood coagulant, are studying a "provocative and interesting" new substance:
vampire-bat saliva. Preliminary research on rabbits showed the saliva to
be several times more effective than the next best substance.
In April, the daily Nashville Tennessean newspaper disclosed that Domino's
pizza dealers in the area had a policy of refusing to deliver pizzas to
certain predominantly black neighborhoods. As the weekly Nashville Scene
newspaper reported two weeks later, the Tennessean, itself, has a policy of
discouraging home delivery subscriptions of the paper to the very same areas.
In May, Peru billed the United States for $20,000, which it says were the
costs incurred while cleaning up the remains of a U.S. Air Force Plane that
crashed in the country and for medical bills for the injured crew.
The aircraft, a U.S. drug surveillance plane that was unarmed, was shot down
by Peruvian air force fighter jets. One crewman was killed and four were
wounded.
Researchers in Connecticut, writing in the February Hospital and Community
Psychiatry, reported that patients in psychiatric wards who constantly
watched MTV suffered psychological deterioration. Signs of deterioration
were increased hallucinations, belligerence and hostility toward staff
(especially female staff). When MTV was banned, patients' frequency of
aggressiveness was reduced.
**************************
More News of the Weird:
* A Michigan boating agency official, after examining
all accidents in the state over the last 15 years,
concluded recently that the most dangerous activity for
boaters is falling overboard. [Canoe, May 1992]
* Channel 5 in Nashville, Tenn., held a "Mission:
Bermuda Triangle" trivia contest in May offering
viewers a chance to win a seven-day vacation in
Florida. The contest had to be restarted after the
"hundreds" of initial entries disappeared from the
station. (The manager suspects a cleaning-crew
mistake.) [The Tennessean, 5-30-92]
* James Sinclair, who had sued the Los Angeles Police
Department in an excessive-force case, shot his lawyer,
Michael Friedman, to death in June. The Associated
Press said witnesses to the shooting quoted Sinclair as
saying, "Attorneys have ruined the world," "Attorneys
have done enough damage to the people," and "Now is the
day of justice." [L. A. Times, 6-2-92; Washington Post-
AP, 6-3-92]
* Peace activist Kwazi Nkrumah, angered by a series of
unfavorable articles by local newspaper editor Bruce
Anderson in Santa Rosa, Calif., confronted Anderson in
May and slugged him. [[Santa Maria Times, May92]]
Least Competent Person
* Janie A. Coleman was arrested in Columbia, Mo., in
January after being accused of trying to pass counterfeit $5 bills
in the purchase of perfume. The bills were merely photocopied
fronts and backs of bills, taped together. [Missourian, 2-2-92]
**************************
From: wisner@privateidaho.EBay.Sun.COM (Bill Wisner)
Big Wad O' NOTW
Sam F. Stewart, 17, was arrested for burglary in Waskom, Texas, in April,
after he had broken into a van housed in a residential garage and then
inadvertently activated the electric locks while trying to start the car.
As he hit various controls in an attempt to get out of the car, he awoke
the owners. Stewart was still trapped inside the car when police arrived.
Sheriff Bill Wiester announced in Moses Lake, Wash., in March that he had
arrested a man sitting in a car bobbing his head and who thus looked like he
was doing drugs. On closer inspection, however, no drugs were found; the
man had a straw in his mouth and was blowing bubbles into a fishbowl he was
holding in his lap, aerating the water for his pet piranha.
Among the information that came to light in April as a result of Atlanta's
new government officials' financial disclosure law was the existence of the
city's not-well-known Board of Astrology. The Associated Press could find
no records of the board at City Hall but concluded after interviewing its
three smoked-out members that the board administers tests to, and licenses,
prospective astrologers.
**************************
From: Joe Wiggins [JWIGG@UAFSYSB.UARK.EDU]
In the news...
LATEST NEGATIVE CASH-FLOW ROBBERY
A man held up a Circle K store in Waco, Texas, on Nov. 29 after first
diverting the clerk's attention by putting a $20 bill on the counter
and asking for change. When the robber pulled a gun and demanded the
entire contents of the cash register, the clerk put everything in a bag
and handed it to the robber - all $15. The robber left the $20 bill on
the counter as he fled.
UNDER ARREST
Arthur Gloria, 20, was arrested at a police station in Chicago as he was
leaving, after having taken the written test to qualify for becoming a
police officer. He had driven a stolen car to the exam and parked it
illegally outside the station.
LEAST COMPETENT PEOPLE
Huntington Beach, Calif., police Lt. Patrick Gidea reported in November
that officers conducting an undercover drug purchase sting continued to
make arrests of eager would-be customers even after large orange "police"
signs were placed in the area. Said Gildea, "We actually had people
coming up and getting in line (to buy cocaine) when we had people (under
arrest and handcuffed lying) on the gound."
LEAST COMPETENT PERSON
Michael Stohr, 26, was arrested for counterfeiting in Madison, Wis., in
September after clerks at a printing supply store tipped off federal
investigators about a man who had been browsing around. Clerks said the
man lingered in the store holding dollar bills up to a color chart and
finally placing an order for a particular shade of green ink.
ANONYMOUS TIP
Prison escapee James Sanders was captured by federal agents at his home in
Stinnett, Texas, in January after 17 years on the lam, during which he had
established a new life, married and fathered a daughter. Agents were
tipped off when Sanders, out of curiosity, telephoned the FBI to ask whether
they were still pursuing James Sanders.
**************************
News of the weird
A newspaper reported in June that the U.S. Environmental Protection
Agency's executive fleet of cars averages only 6.2 miles per gallon, less
than one-fourth the federally mandated average of 27.5.
The Philadelphia Inquirer reported in June on the local "Silent Meeting
club," consisting of several people who gather at various spots around
town and make it a point not to speak to each other. Founder John Hudak
said his inspiration was his observation that people often feel obligated
to talk when they really have nothing to say, such as at parties.
**************************
From: Mateo.Burtch@Eng.Sun.COM (M. Burtch. Aloha.)
The Harpo's Index
Rank of first three numbers among the positive integers: 1,2,3
Chance of being hit by lightning while playing "Pictionary" with Efram
Zimbalist, Jr: 1 in 7,304,302,082
Number of brain cells killed off, on average, by a glass of beer: 35,000
By "Geraldo": 750,000
Likelihood of an intelligent conversation with someone with a Megadeath
bumpersticker: 0 in 1,000,000
Number of death-row inmates at the Allenwood Federal Prison who commit suicide
rather than listen to Whitney Houston during the appeals process: 76
Leona Helmsley's new name: 206643981
Rank of France in its own mind: 1
Copyright 1992 Mateo Burtch.
**************************
In the late 1870s, George Selden, a lawyer/inventor specializing in
patents, heard about the development of the automobile in Europe. He
realized that it was a product of the future, and "set his mind to
working out the precise legal definition and wording of a patent that
would give him the sole right to license and charge royalties on future
automobile developments in America." Some twenty years later, with the
auto industry beginning to show signs of life, he set up a partnership
with a few wealthy Wall Street sharks and began asserting his "rights"
with automakers. To his surprise, even the five biggest car
manufacturers agreed to pay him royalties rather than go to court.
By 1903, this royalty-paying alliance of carmakers had officially
become the Association of Licensed Automobile Manufacturers (ALAM).
Henry Ford, then a fledgling automaker, applied for membership ...
and was refused. His reaction: "Let them try to put me out of business!"
He took out ads telling his dealers that "the Selden patent does not
cover any practicable machine", and dared Selden's group to take him to
court. They did.
Ford and the ALAM battled it out for six years. Then in 1909, a Federal
judge determined that Selden's patent was valid; Selden and his allies
legally owned ALL rights to the car. Immediately, carmakers that had
held off on joining the ALAM - including the newly formed General Motors
- fell into line to pay royalties.
The ALAM magnanimously offered to settle cheaply with Ford, but Henry
fought on. "There will be no let up in this legal fight", he announced
angrily. Finally, on January 9, 1911, a Federal Court of Appeals ruled
in Ford's favor. Selden and his cronies were forced to give up; the ALAM
was never heard from again.
-- from Uncle John's Second Bathroom Reader - St Martin's Press 1989.
**************************
From: donn@BSDI.COM (Donn Seeley)
Calvin's going to be really pissed when he hears about this...
[There were 18 more sites named Hobbes than were named Calvin! -- Donn]
From: SRI NISC [nisc@nisc.sri.com]
Domain Survery -- July 1992
Network Information Systems Center July 1992
SRI International Internet Domain Survey
The Domain Survey attempts to discover every host on the Internet by
doing a complete search of the Domain Name System. The latest results
gathered during late July 1992 are listed. For more information see
RFC 1296; for detailed data see the pub/zone directory on ftp.nisc.sri.com.
This survey was done using the census program developed at the University
of California Santa Cruz; see technical report UCSC-CRL-92-34 available
on host ftp.cse.ucsc.edu in pub/csl.
-- Mark K. Lottor
Hosts: 992,000 [890,000 hosts in Apr 1992]
Domains: 16,300 [approximately]
Host Distribution by Top-Level Domain Name
326630 edu 21021 se 2902 kr 943 br 74 hu
277551 com 19192 fr 2803 il 789 mx 50 int
62584 gov 17188 ch 2733 dk 633 pl 43 ee
48639 au 15757 jp 2410 hk 624 ie 14 yu
43907 de 15718 fi 2118 tw 616 gr 8 tn
38929 ca 14354 no 2073 za 569 cs 6 in
37776 uk 7044 net 1831 nz 400 is 5 ve
33161 mil 6489 at 1532 be 201 us 5 aq
25896 org 5147 it 1318 pt 165 cl 2 ar
21105 nl 3603 es 949 sg 80 lu 1 th
Top 50 Host Names
508 venus 377 gw 303 eagle 263 fred 240 mac12
471 pluto 360 mercury 301 mac5 262 sirius 240 mac11
438 mars 355 iris 296 gauss 262 mac8 236 alpha
421 cisco 351 pc2 292 pc3 262 hermes 235 mac13
408 pc1 337 mac3 284 mac6 259 mac9 234 mac14
407 jupiter 334 orion 275 hobbes 257 calvin 231 phoenix
405 zeus 320 mac4 274 mac10 254 pc4 231 mozart
405 mac1 310 newton 271 mac7 253 apollo 231 mac15
383 mac2 310 neptune 266 thor 248 athena 227 earth
381 saturn 306 charon 263 merlin 243 titan 226 mac16
**************************
From: mash@mips.com (John Mashey)
3) The main reason is to get more address sapce (conveniently).
There are not a *huge* number of these things; however, the ones that
are there are *extremely* important to the people who use them, as they
are things like:
1) Scientific codes
"Goody; we expand our FORTRAN arrays by factor of 10"
2) Some ECAD programs
"Goody, we can still simulate the R11000 after all"
3) Some MCAD programs
"Great, we can simulate the 199x automobile in one piece."
4) Video& animation
"Great, let's get put Terminator 6 in memory for editing"
5) Financial
"Good, we can finally put the financial model of the US
in memory and grep around in it at speed."
6) DBMS
"Good, we can map 4 whole 1GB SCSI disks into memory at once",
i.e., disks that fit in a desktop box.
7) CASE
"Thank goodness, there's still space for the new EMACS" :-)
**************************
From: M.Apps@rea0805.wins.icl.co.uk
Who said C programmers didn't have a sense of humour - get yer
giggle tackle around this lot. I'll be recovering from a bout of
sidesplitting in a few moments...
These are some of the error messages produced by Apple's MPW
C compiler. These are all real.
"String literal too long (I let you have 512 characters, that's 3 more
than ANSI said I should)"
"You can't modify a constant, float upstream, win an arguement with
the IRS, or satisfy this compiler"
"Can't cast a void type to type void (because the ANSI spec. says so,
that's why)"
"we already did this function"
"Call me paranoid but finding `/*' inside this comment makes me
suspicious"
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