Date: 16 Jun 88 18:33:37 PDT (Thursday)
Subject: Life 3.7
----------------------------------------------------
From the Chronicle, Thursday 1/23/81:
Hunter Shot to Death By a Fox
Belgrade
A fox shot and killed a 38-year-old hunter in central Yugoslavia, the
official Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported yesterday.
Salih Hajdur, a farmer from the village of Gornje Hrasno in the
Republic of Bosnia-Hercegovina, went to a nearby forest Sunday to shoot a fox,
Tanjug said.
Hajdur wounded a fox in the leg, the agency said, but to spare the
skin he did not fire again. Instead, he hit the animal with his refle butt. The
struggling animal triggered a shot that hit Hajdur in the chest and killed him
instantly, Tanjug said. The fox died later, Tanjug added.
Associated Press
----------------------------------------------------
Farmer: n. A man who is outstanding in his field.
----------------------------------------------------
Here are some eponymous words from Vol 2 of "The Mathematical Intelligencer."
(The article was complainting about the perversive use of personal names in
mathematical literature.) Etymologies are from American Heritage.
Eponym: a real or legendary person from whom a theory, idea, or object takes its
name.
Sandwich After Fourth Earl of Sandwich (1718-92), for whom sandwiches were
made so that he could stay at the gambling table without
interruptions for meals.
Shrapnel Invented by General Henry Shrapnel (1761-1842), British artillery
officer.
Silhouette After Etienne de Silhouette (1709-67) with reference to his
evanescent career (March-November 1759) as French
controller-general.
Cardigan After James Thomas Brudenell, Seventh Earl of Cardigan.
Quisling After Vikdun Quisling, the Norwegian Prime Minister who invited
the Germans to occupy his country at the start of World War II.
Chauvinism After Nicolas Chauvin, a soldier excessively devoted to Napoleon;
meaning blind allegiance. I think the word has been changed
recently, since male chauvinist appears to refer to a person
expecting to receive blind allegiance rather than one giving it.
gat: contraction of gatling gun, the name of the first machine gun, invented by
R. G. Gatling. Not to be confused with "Tommy guns" which are the Thompson
submachine guns. A gat has come be a a generic term for any portable firearm.
grangerize: to illustrate text with pictures taken from other books or publications,
from Jame Granger, an Anglican divine who in 1769 published a "Biographical
History of England", leaving spaces in the text where illustrations filched from
other texts could be inserted.
guillotine: the inventor, a French physician, J. I. Guillotin, thought his
invention was a great humanitarian contribution: a speedier and more efficient
method than the drawn-out tortures which had been used previously for
administering the death penalty.
guy: actually derives from Guy Fawkes and the British festival, Guy Fawkes'
Day.
----------------------------------------------------
I have an enjoyable book full of such words: "O Thou Improper, Thou
Uncommon Noun" by Willard R. Espy (published by Potter). Espy calls it "a
bobtailed generally chronological listing of proper names that have become
improper and uncommonly common; together with a smattering of proper names
commonly used...and certain other diversions." Here are a few samples.
Boycott -- In 1880, Captain Charles Cunningham Boycott was land agent in
County Mayo, Ireland, for an absentee owner, the Earl of Erne. Though the
harvest had been disastrous, Captain Boycott refused to reduce rents and
attempted to evict any tenants who could not pay in full. As a result, he became
the object of the earliest known effort to force an alteration of policy by
concerted nonintercourse. His servants departed en masse. No one would sell him
food. Life became so miserable for him that at last he gave up and returned to
England. To boycott is "to combine in abstaining from, or preventing dealings
with, as a means of intimidation or coercion."
Derrick -- Goodman Derrick, another Tyburn hangman, was as adept with the
axe as with the noose; he cut off the head of the Earl of Essex in 1601. But it
was his adeptness at gibbeting that won him vernacular immortality. Any
hoisting apparatus employing a tackle rigged at the end of a spar is a derrick.
Dukes -- The Duke of Wellington's nose compared in magnitude with those of
Cyrano de Bergerac and Schnozzola Durante. His troops called him "Nosey."
Cockneys began to call noses dukes in his honor. Fists, by extension, were
duke-busters. Duke-buster shrank back to duke, but retained the meaning "fist."
When you are ordered to put up your dukes, you are being challenged to
fisticuffs.
Charlatan -- Though villainy is as ancient as man, one particular form of it was
named only in the 14th century, when the sharp trading of men from Cerreto, a
village about ninety miles north of Rome, made them notorious and their motives
suspect. Under the influence of Italian ciarlare, "to chatter," a Cerretano became a
ciarlatano, and, in English, a charlatan, "one who pretends to unheld knowledge
or ability."
Monkey wrench -- A monkey wrench is a wrench with a fixed jaw and an
adjustable jaw set at right angles to the handle. Tradition says it was first
devised by a London blacksmith named Charles Moncke, Moncke changing to
monkey by folk derivation. A difficulty with this theory, as Mencken has
pointed out, is that the British call a monkey wrench a spanner. In 1932-33, the
Boston Transcript traced the invention to 1856, crediting it to a Yankee named
Monk, employed by the firm of Bemis and Call in Springfield, Massachusetts.
Gibberish -- "rapid, inarticulate, foolish talk"--probably corrupts the imitative
"jabber." But Dr. Samuel Johnson, king of lexicographers (though occasionally he
nodded on his throne: once he called an attic the highest room of a house, and
the cockloft the room over the attic), attributed gibberish to Geber, the name of a
legendary Arabian alchemist.
Fudge -- Isaac D'Israeli, father of the 19th-century British prime minister, found
in a 17th-century pamphlet a curious origin of the word fudge, meaning
"Nonsense! Humbug!" He quotes: "There was in our time one Captain Fudge,
commander of a merchantman [the Black Eagle], who upon his return from a
voyage, how ill fraught soever his ship was, always brought home to his owners
a good crop of lies; so much that now, aboard ship, the sailors when they hear a
great lie told, cry out, 'You fudge it.'"
----------------------------------------------------
While browsing in the dictionary, I noticed that computer software has come of
age: now included in my Webster's is the word GIGO [garbage in, garbage out]!
Ah, how fast programmer's fame spreads.
By the way, how about the word "foreshorten". I can't figure out how it could
ever come to be called that. Shouldn't it be "forelengthen" or "aftshorten"?
----------------------------------------------------
By WILLIAM SAFIRE
c. 1980 N.Y. Times News Service
Signs of the Times
The most threatened man in the English-speaking world must be named
William Stickers. Throughout Great Britain, blank walls and freshly painted
fences bear the admonition: ''BILL STICKERS WILL BE PROSECUTED.'' His
accomplice, Bill Posters, has also been widely warned, although in the United
States the sign painter usually prefers the antimail ''POST NO BILLS.''
Time now for the first annual ''Signs of the Times'' awards, for the most
engaging, cryptic or confusing notices posted on purpose by serious people.
(From the injunction in the New Testament: ''O ye hypocrites, ye can discern
the face of the sky; but can ye not discern the signs of the times?'')
The sign requiring the most patience: At the Howard Johnson restaurant
near Cornell University, patrons are greeted with a notice reading ''PLEASE
WAIT FOR HOSTESS TO BE SEATED.'' Reports student Leslie Sara Goldsmith:
''I waited patiently for about 10 minutes, but the young lady failed to sit down,
and feeling rather neglected, I felt compelled to sit first.''
The most glaring example of unparalleled construction: ''NO BALL
PLAYING, BIKE RIDING, LITTERING, SPITTING OR DOGS.'' Runner-up in this
category is seen on Indiana highways: ''WATCH YOUR SPEED / WE ARE.''
The most imaginatively phrased, hand-lettered notice at City College of
New York was submitted by Ed Early of Stamford, Conn.: ''MAILMAN, PLEASE
LEAVE BOOK WHICH WAS DROPPED IN HERE YESTERDAY WITH THE
ELEVATOR MAN.''
The most schizophrenic directive - actually, two signs that beat as one -
was sent in by Thomas Clinton of the University of Pittsburgh: ''NO SMOKING
ON ELEVATORS / USE STAIRS IN AN EMERGENCY.'' (Mr. Clinton, a
chemistry teacher, also reports he saw a sign in an eyeglass shop that
advertised: ''EYES EXAMINED WHILE YOU WAIT,'' which he finds ''by far the
most comfortable procedure.'')
The sign that most evokes sympathy for inanimate objects can be found,
says realtor Robert McKee of New York, on Connecticut's Merritt Parkway:
''DEPRESSED STORM DRAINS.'' The sense of helplessness this sign summons is
akin to ''WATCH FOR FALLING ROCKS.'' Perhaps the sign writer means
''fallen.'' Illinois motorists are still trying to figure out the South Lake Shore
Drive advice: ''DISABLED CARS REQUIRED TO PULL OFF ROADWAY.''
Most ubiquitous mistake in a sign is ''TEN ITEMS OR LESS'' at speedy
checkout counters in supermarkets. Perhaps we could do with fewer, or less,
supermarkets. A more creative semantic foul-up is reported by Selma Fischer to
be in Woolworth's on Seventh Avenue and West 50th Street in New York: ''NO
ERROR MADE WITHOUT CUSTOMER BEING PRESENT.''
Graphic design takes an award at Harold's Chicken Shack in Hyde Park,
Chicago. David Harmin describes a sign that has a large ''NO'' on the left, and
smaller lettering on the right saying: ''DOGS / EATING / BICYCLES.'' Though
this may have been intended as an admonition against three sins, taken together
it warns of an event that has not often been witnessed. (My pet, Peeve,
munching a tire, acknowledges the regards sent from Paula Diamond's bete,
Noire.)
Competition was keen for the sexiest sign. ''SOFT SHOULDERS'' was a
frequently submitted entry; a subtler message was sent in by Fritz Golden of
Philadelphia, who read a Kama Sutra meaning into the countertop signs at ticket
windows: ''NEXT POSITION, PLEASE.'' But the best can be found in
Manhattan, at many intersections. ''I picture people prostrating themselves in
the crosswalk,'' writes Barbara Nicoll of Hartsdale, N.Y., ''to be seduced or even
just tickled by passers-by . . . '' The romantic grabber: ''YIELD TO
PEDESTRIANS IN CROSSWALK.''
----------------------------------------------------
OBSERVER: Marriage A La Mode
By RUSSELL BAKER
c. 1981 N.Y. Times News Service
NEW YORK - In our third year of marriage my wife telephoned to ask if I
would like to meet her. I did not want to meet her or anyone else. It had been
seven years since I had met anybody at all, and though I had recently thought
it might do me good to meet somebody - if only to see whether people still looked
the way they used to - I did not want to start by meeting my wife.
One of the advantages of electronic living was that you never had to
meet your wife. The man who installed my computer and television cables had
harped on that. "One of its big advantages," he said, "is that you'll never have
to meet your wife."
At the time, of course, I did not intend to marry. I changed my mind
only after setting up my tax picture in the computer and discovering that a wife
of a certain income profile would cut my tax bill by nearly 2 percent.
It was a simple matter to plug into the central information bank, obtain
the names of several thousand single women in the same tax predicament and,
for a small fee, have the engagement and marriage arranged by the bank.
The ceremony was performed by a minister of the Ecumenical Computer
Church while I was reading the sports news in the electronic newspaper on my
video terminal in New York and my bride, who lives in Oregon, was monitoring
a Phil Donahue interview with three well-adjusted transsexuals on her cable TV.
At the appropriate moment I punched "I do" and "I will" into my
computer, switched into "check-account shopping mode" and ordered my bank to
authorize an Oregon jeweler to deliver her a wedding ring.
It was exhilarating being married. To celebrate, I put on a video cassette
of the Super Bowl game of 1995 and spent half the night watching the
Chattanooga Data trounce the Fargo Inputs by a score of 35 to 3.
After that I forgot about being married except at tax time, when it was
highly convenient. Naturally, it was a surprise when she telephoned to propose
a meeting.
I should point out that I did not answer the phone myself. I had not
answered a telephone for years. I had a machine that not only answered for me,
but also made calls for me. My machine, speaking in a voice entirely unlike my
own, said, "I am very busy now scanning my display terminal to select a meal to
be delivered to my food slot so that I will not have to be interrupted while
watching the cricket test match from Pakistan on my cable television during the
evening. Please state your message at the sound of the beep and my machine
will process your call."
On this evening the machine said, "Your wife has telephoned to ask if
you would like to meet her."
"Tell her," I told the machine, "I have not met anybody in seven years
and do not propose to start now."
While the machine was transmitting the message, a noise at the door
indicated that the central restaurant bank was having my dinner delivered at the
food slot. Since the restaurant bank had not yet replaced all its delivery people
with robots, I waited a safe interval before opening the slot, so as not to risk
catching a glimpse of a human being.
This irritated my telephone machine. "You may not want to see a human
being," said the machine, "but I'd like to, once in a while."
"Nonsense," I said, "you see me 24 hours a day."
"People ought to see people, ought to talk to people," said the machine.
"If God had meant people to see people, he wouldn't have created
electronic living," I said. "If God wanted people to talk to people, he wouldn't
have given us the telephone-answering machine."
I went to the slot to collect my dinner. Instead of a steak, I found a small
electonic device. "So," I said, "they have finally succeeded in inventing the
electronic steak. This ought to teach the beef trust a little humility."
I put my computer in "dining mode." Instantly the TV set activated a
video cassette of a 1968 tape of "Bowling For Dollars" and presented me with a
fork and a steak knife. The small electronic device spoke up. "Do not carve
me," it said. "Kiss me. I am your wife and I am dying for love. At the sound
of the beep, place your computer in 'osculation mode' and activate my 'input'
key by framing your lips in the pursed position."
It was my telephone machine that replied. "Don't waste your time, baby,"
it said. "That bird has been dead for years." It uttered a highly suggestive
"beep." My wife "beeped" back.
My wife? But I was married to a tax shelter, not to a flirting beeper. Or
was I? It had been so long since I had met anybody. I thought of going to the
window, raising the blinds, but I didn't. It is better not to know some things.
I sat back to enjoy "Bowling For Dollars." The telephone machine said, "If
you'd turn off that tube, machines could have a little privacy around here." I
turned it off and sat in the dark. The beeping became intense.
----------------------------------------------------
Today I saw an ad in the paper for the Panasonic "Talking Genius" microwave
oven. ("It actually talks!") Can't you just envision this marvel as merely the
first in a long line of vocal household appliances? Won't it be great when your
microwave, your dishwasher, and your toaster are all babbling away, each
trying to get your attention? And even better: when they build voice
recognition into these devices, you can let them talk to each other...
Since talking home appliances will be programmed by their manufacturers,
they'll reek of advertising. Every time you turn on that blender, it'll remind
you that it's an Ostracizer, and do it's spiel about how well it "slices, dices,
chops, and spices". It might even try to sell you the company's "food processor".
Since the manufacturers will hire programmers to build the things, we can look
forward to error messages like
Error! Something's wrong (lixcntaqpgprev = 0)!
----------------------------------------------------
The exotic Animal Collector: A collector of exotic animals heard of a remote
island in the Pacific in the lagoons of which were porpoises who were alleged to
literally live forever. The collector traveled to the island where the chief of the
native inhabitants confirmed the story. Our friend the collector was told that
capture of a porpoise was pretty near impossible, but legend had it that the fast
moving, slippery fellows could be taken as follows: climb up to the top of a
mountain and from its sheer seaward cliff obtain from a nest a baby sea gull.
Then take the sea gull down to the seashore and float it out onto the waters in a
small raft, following in a boat. The porpoise might then be netted as it leaped
from the water to devour its favorite delicacy. So the man climbed the
mountain, and at risk of life and limb, captured a little gull chick. As he was
bringing it down the mountain, he came upon a lion in his path who wore a
T-shirt with "State" printed across it. Deciding the lion looked pretty tame and
harmless, the man attempted to step over the animal as it lay across his path. As
he did so, the lion leaped up, devouring the collector.
Moral: Never take a young gull across a state lion for immortal porpoises.
----------------------------------------------------
Date: 02/03/81 01:37:33
From: JMTURN@MIT-AI
Subject: IBM/VU
IIIII BBBB M M
I B B MM MM
I BBBB M M M
I B B M M
IIIII BBBB M M
New Updates and Fixes to IBM/VU
This is a notification of two patches to IBM/VU (Virtual
Universe) and a new release designed for users not requiring the full
capibilities of a virtual universe.
Several users have reported errors resulting from recursive
calls to the Universe Creation Utility (UCU). This utility, called
from IEBSAGAN, is used to initialize the virtual space which will hold
the universe to be simulated. On occasion, the universe created by
this routine will contain technologies capable of creating their 'own'
virtual universe processors, which in turn call on the UCU. While the
stack structure supporting the UCU was designed with this in mind, no
system can handle unlimited recursion. Release 134 will contain a
patch that will request user verification before a new level is
created.
Another problem that has been experienced occurs during
the use of black holes and neutron stars in the virtual universe.
Although the mass storage media provided with the VU processor is
of the highest quality, it can not handle storage at such a density.
The highest density that is supported is 2.32E16 grams/cc. DO NOT
EXCEED THIS LIMIT. Severe gravitaional effects have serious impact
on the reliability of the system. V134 will also contain a program
(IEBFORWARD) that can deal with these problems.
Due for release in April is IBM/VSS (Virtual Solar System).
This is designed for the casual user, who does not require the full
use of a universe. One possible use of this package is to provide
uniform testing conditions for programs that take input regarding
the phase of the moon. In addition, it is estimated that the cost of
simulating the solar system and a Voyager flyby is 1/5 that of
actually running such a mission.
IBM Software Division
--
Henry Cate III [cate3@netcom.com]
The Life collection maintainer, selections of humor from the internet
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in
overalls and looks like work. - Thomas Edison
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