Dr. Mellow's Guide To Women
Women, by nature, are evil. It is only when we understand
this simple concept that men can ever hope to understand women.
Hopefully, with these guidelines, men will have a better
understanding of the mysterious ways of womankind.The first thing
one must remember about a woman is that she knows everything. This
is without exception. To go as far as say that a woman knows what
you are thinking is not unrealistic. If, at any point of time, you
are unsure of what you are thinking, one of the best ways to find
out is to ask the nearest woman.
But, unfortunately, there is a drawback to asking a woman such
a question. This drawback is that she, in all probability, will
answer. And once a woman starts talking, it is very rare that she
will ever stop. I believe this has something to do with the way
that women think. Women believe that as long as they are talking,
people listen to her. Of course, listening to a woman talk can be
very tedious at times. It is OK not to listen to her as long as
you nod your head in agreement and say Uh-huh every now and then.
This makes the woman think you are listening and therefore she is
happy.
Happiness is a good thing in a woman. If a woman is not
happy, all hell breaks loose. In order to help a woman keep a
state of happiness, one should buy her gifts for various reasons.
These reasons include the 1 month anniversary, the 1 year
anniversary, Presidents Day, and any day whose date is a multiple
of one. These gifts could be in the conventional form of flowers
and candy, or for greater happiness, cars and real estate.
Often, when a woman says something, it is not what she means.
But, other times, she says exactly what she means. It is only
possible to distinguish these two cases if you are a woman. Since
women already know the nature of women, this is of no use to them.
For men, we can only hope to distinguish the difference, for a
mistake in judgement can result in death.
Women know what men want. This is very strange, because even
as sometimes men dont know what they are thinking, men usually dont
know what they want. However, I must observe that it seems that
what men want for the most part is women. This is unfortunate, for
women know this fact and know that it is possible for them to do
almost anything and this fact will not change.
Women have a very delicate nature. It is virtually impossible
to keep one happy all of the time. It is totally impossible to
know what one is thinking or feeling. And it is also impossible
for us men, knowing how evil they are, not to love them.
Women. You cant live with em. And, you cant live with em.
-Dr. Mellow
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