Taglines3

Taglines3


Gathered off the net in the past year:
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
I want to die in my sleep like my father, not screaming like his passengers.
...World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.  -- Albert Einstein
"Artist seeks Boss with vision impairment."
"Beam me aboard, Scotty!" "Will a 2X4 do, Captain?"
"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?"
"Happiness is a warm puppy", said the anaconda.
"Nietzsche is dead." --God.
[-------- The information went data way --------]
[tap] [tap] [tap] Is this thing on?
2 rules to success in life. 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A harp is a nude piano.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A good pun is its own reword.
A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed. 
A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act them out.
A hangover:  the wrath of grapes.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A good hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
A Shower is the halfway point between Bed and World.
A)bort R)etry I)nfluence with large hammer.
Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
Actual TorStar headline, 3/6/94: "Man charged with murder after death"
After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible.
After all is said and done, usually more is said.
Air conditioned computer. Please keep WINDOWS closed.
Air is water with holes in it.
Air travel:  Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil.
Alcoholic:  Someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
All wiyht.  Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Amoebit:  Amoeba/rabbit cross; it can multiply and divide at the same time.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot.
Anyone who makes an absolute statement is a fool.
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry up is not nailed down.
Apathy Error:  Don't bother striking any key.
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
As they say in Beirut, Shiite happens.
Bachelor:  A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
Backups?  We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER
Bad command or file name.  Go stand in the corner.
Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional warfare.
Banectomy:  The removal of bruises on a banana.  -- Rich Hall
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.  -- O'Neill
Being popular is important.  Otherwise people might not like you.
Best diet: Eat as much as you want, but don't swallow it.
Beware the wrath of a patient person.
Blessed are the censors; they shall inhibit the earth.
Boy:  A noise with dirt on it.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways.
Cabinicreep:  When closing one kitchen cabinet causes another to open.
California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected.
Can you think of another word for "synonym"?
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
Choconiverous:  Biting off the head of the chocolate Easter bunny first.
Cinemuck:  Popcorn, soda, and candy that covers the floors of movie theaters.
Circle:  A line that meets its other end without ending.
Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction.
Cleanliness is next to clean-limbed, in the dictionary.
Click...click...click...damn, out of new taglines.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
College:  The fountains of knowledge, where everyone goes to drink.
Commit suicide. A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong.
Committee:  The unwilling, selected from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
Confucius say too much.  -- recent Chinese proverb
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Consider what might be fertilizing the greener grass across the fence.
Courage:  Two cannibals having oral sex.
Death is the one experience that we cannot put in perspective afterwards.
Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn't get worse every year.
Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Democracy is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.  -- H. L. Mencken
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Diplomacy:  Saying "go to hell" such that they look forward to the trip.
Do YOU have redeeming social value?
Does Time pass? Yes, it does. How else can you explain Visa bills?
Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell?
Don't undertake vast projects with half-vast ideas.
Don't laugh. It could happen.
Don't use no double negatives, not never.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't you hate it when life doesn't follow the manuals?
Don't eat the yellow snow.
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Don't get stuck in a closet; wear yourself out.
Don't judge a book by its mini-series.
Down with categorical imperatives.
Ducks?  What ducks??
Due to a mixup in Urology, orange juice will not be served this morning.
Dynamic linking error: Your mistake is now everywhere.
/Earth is 98% full...  please delete anyone you can.
Earth was interesting, and worth the money I paid for it.
Egotism:  Doing a crossword puzzle with a pen.
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.  -- last words of Groucho Marx
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.  -- last words of Oscar Wilde
Elbonics:  Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
Electricity comes from electrons; morality comes from morons.
Eleven tons of hair stolen. Police combing area.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far.  Especially if they are dead.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.  -- Atwood
Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Experiments should be reproducible.  They should all fail the same way.
Expert:  Avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
Familiarity breeds children.
Fashion:  A form of ugliness so intolerable that it changes every six months.
Fast, Cheap, Good:  Choose any two.
Fenderberg: Deposit on the inside of a car fender after a snowstorm.
Flopcorn:  The unpopped kernels at the bottom of the cooker.
Fools rush in -- and get the best seats in the house.
For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
Fossil flowers come from the Petrified Florist.
Furbling:  Walking a maze of ropes even when you are the only person in line.
Garmites:  Clothing that fits well in the store but shrinks on the way home.
Genderplex: Trying to determine from the cutesy pictures which restroom to use.
Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
Genetics:  Why you look like your father, or if you don't, why you should.
Gentleman:  Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.  -- St. Augustine
Give a skeptic an inch and he'll measure it.
Give me a lever long enough, and a place to stand, and I'll break my lever.
Gleemites:  Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.
God gives burdens; also shoulders.
God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can chose our friends.
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
Good sopranos and tenors have resonance -- where others have brains.
Grasshoppotamus:  A creature that can leap to tremendous heights...  once.
Great minds run in great circles.
Had there been an actual emergency, you would no longer be here.
Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English.  He was rather large.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Have an adequate day.
Have you flogged your crew today?
Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
Having children will turn you into your parents.
He has the heart of a little child...  it's in a jar on his desk.
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Hearsay:  What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Heating with wood, you get warm twice:  Once chopping it, and once stacking it.
Heisenberg might have been here.
HELP!  MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!  -- E. E. CUMMINGS
History does not repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Honeymoon:  A short period of doting between dating and debting.  -- Ray Bandy
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
Hospitality:  Making your guests feel at home, even though you wish they were.
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How do they get all those little metal bits on a zipper to line up so well?
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
How long is a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
I may not be the world's greatest lover, but number seven's not bad.  -- Allen
I have not seen as far as others because giants were standing on my shoulders.
I never made a mistake in my life.  I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
I hate laundry month.
I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.  -- the Wizard of Oz
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.  -- Groucho Marx
I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree.  -- Nash
I seem to be a verb.  -- Buckminster Fuller
I am a .signature, and I want to be your friend.
I am Tweety of Borg. I _tawt_ I attimiwated a puddy tat!
I am a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from humans.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.  -- Albran
I disclaim my disclaimer!
I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.  -- G. B. Shaw
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I used to be lost in the shuffle.  Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I do a lot of thinking in the john. Says a lot for my thoughts.
I would like to help you out.  Which way did you come in?
I am prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
I know I have a purpose because I always seem to need deodorant.
I spilled spot remover on my dog.  Now he's gone.  -- Steve Wright
I like work; it fascinates me.  I can sit and look at it for hours.
I will always love the false image I had of you.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it.  -- Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.  -- Marx
I would like to lick apricot brandy out of your navel.  -- Cerebus
I went to the Net and all I got was this stupid tagline.
I will meet you at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
I bet you have never seen a plumber bite his nails.
I'll race you to China.  You can have a head start.  Ready, set, GO!
I'll procrastinate...tomorrow.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
If all the world's a stage, who sprung the trap door on me?
If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
If nothing beats getting drunk, given a choice, I'd take the nothing.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If you were to ask me this question, what would my answer be?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?  -- Art Hoppe
If you are horny, it's lust, but if your partner's horny, it's affection.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
If you can't say anything nice, you probably don't have many friends.
If it wasn't for Newton, we wouldn't have to eat bruised apples.
If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
If either religion or science were infallible, it would incorporate the other.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
If You Pass This Point You Will Most Certainly Die.  -- sign on birth canal
If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.
If I had finished this sentence.  -- Hofstadter
If in doubt, mumble.
If laws were outlawed, only outlaws would be lawyers.
If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway.
If you think before you speak, the other guy gets his joke in first.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
If there is light at the end of the tunnel...  ORDER MORE TUNNEL.
If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?
If you can't find your glasses, it's probably because you don't have them on.
If you shoot a mime, do you use a silencer?
Illegitimus non Carborundem -- "Don't let the bastards grind you down".
Illiterate?  Write for free help.
In English, every word can be verbed.
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
Instant sex will never be better than the kind you have to peel and cook.
Is this true or only clever?  -- Augustine Birrell
Is there life before death?
Is a mirage real?  Well, it's a real mirage.  -- Edward Abbey
It is not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide.
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose -- until you lose.
It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.  -- Phil White
It is bad luck to be superstitious.  -- Andrew Mathis
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.  -- Albert Einstein
It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
It is difficult to legislate morality in the absence of moral legislators.
It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations.
It would be nice to be sure of anything the way some people are of everything.
It's hard to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys.
It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
Journalism is literature in a hurry.  -- Matthew Arnold
Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you are at it.
Jury:  Twelve men and women trying to decide which party has the best lawyer.
Justice:  A decision in your favor.
Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time.
Keep Canada beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
Keep stress out of your life.  Give it to others instead.
Kilroy occupied these spatial coordinates.
Knocked; you weren't in.  -- Opportunity
Know thyself -- but don't tell anyone.
Know what I hate most?  Rhetorical questions.  -- Henry Camp
Krogt:  The metallic silver coating found on scratch-and-win tickets.
Lactomangulation:  Abusing the "open here" spout on a milk carton.
Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
Lead me not into temptation.  I can find it myself.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Let's hope God grades on a curve.
Life is like a fountain...  I will tell you how when I figure it out.
Life is like an analogy.
Life is too confusing for novices.  We should let the experts take care of it.
Living your life is so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
Living on Earth includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.
Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
Love means nothing to a tennis player.
Love thy neighbor:  Tune thy piano.
Love your enemies.  It will make them crazy.
Love is the only game that is not called on account of darkness.
Love:  The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: the word that paints a thousand pictures.
Maggit:  A subscription card that falls from a magazine.
Magnocartic:  An automobile that when left unattended attracts shopping carts.
Maintain thy airspeed, lest the ground rise up and smite thee.
Majority:  That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
Make a firm decision now...  you can always change it later.
Make things as simple as possible, but not simpler. --Einstein
Male zebras have white stripes, but female zebras have black stripes.
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
Mankind...  infests the whole habitable Earth and Canada.  -- Ambrose Bierce
Many are called, but few are at their desks.
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
Many quite distinguished people have bodies similar to yours.
May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
Michelangelo would have made better time with a roller.
Millihelen:  The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
Miracles are great, but they are so damned unpredictable.
Mold has spores.  People have pores.  It is one way to tell us apart.
Momentum:  What you give a person when they are going away.
Money DOES talk -- it says goodbye.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Most of us hate to see a poor loser. Rich winners, though, are worse.
Mowmuffins:  Dried accumulation of grass on the underside of lawnmowers.
Mr. Worf!  Eating Christmas Cookies, on my bridge?
Mr. Bullfrog sez:  Time is fun when you're having flies.
MRducks. MRnot! MRso! Cedar wings? ...Whale oil beef hooked, MRducks!
Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.
Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
My name is Annie Key. Ouch! Why are you hitting me?!
My other tagline is a footnote.
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
My Go this  amn keyboar  oesn't have any  's.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My computer NEVER cras
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
My opinions are not those of my ex-employer.
Never enough time, unless you're serving it.
Never call a man a fool. Instead, borrow from him.
Never, never, never *MOON* a werewolf.
Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.
Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Never eat prunes when you're famished.
Never hit a man with glasses.  Use your fist.
Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Nine out of ten people think they are above average.  The rest are in therapy.
No prizes for predicting rain.  Prizes only awarded for building arks.
No wanna work.  Wanna bang on keyboard.
Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
Nobody home but the lights, and they're out too.
Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble.
Nobody ever goes there, it's too crowded. (I've actually HEARD this!)
Not all men who drink are poets.  Some of us drink because we are not poets.
Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up.
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
Nugloo:  Single continuous eyebrow that covers the entire forehead.
One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Our parents were never our age.
Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.  -- Roy Ash
Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
Paper is always strongest at the perforations.  -- Corry
Pardon me, waiter. I like my water diluted.
People usually get what's coming to them...  unless it was mailed.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw parties.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Politics: n. from Greek; "poli"-many; "tics"-ugly, bloodsucking parasites.
Positive:  Being mistaken at the top of your voice.
Proctologist:  A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.
Quark!  Quark!  Beware the quantum duck!
Question Authority...  and the Authorities will question you!
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.  (Anything in Latin sounds profound.)
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Rumper sticker on a horse:  "Get off my tail, because shit happens."
Saddam Hussein is the father of the mother of all cliches.
Satisfaction guaranteed, or twice your load back.  -- sign on septic tank truck
Save the whales! Collect the whole set!
Sign seen on door:  C  I  T  Y   P  L  A  N  N  ING 
Sign on bank: We can loan you enough money to get you completely out of debt.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.  -- Fletcher Knebel
Snackmosphere:  The 95% air inside bags of potato chips.
Some people would not recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
Someday you will look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
Someday you will get your big chance -- or have you already had it?
Sometimes you're the bird, and sometimes you're the windshield.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.  -- Sigmund Freud
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
Spam Lite: with meat products like these, who needs taglines?
Spirobits:  The frayed bits of left-behind paper in a spiral notebook.
Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
That was Zen; this is Tao.
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
The Schizophrenic:  An Unauthorized Autobiography.
The cynic says: the pessimist is a realist who isn't afraid to admit it.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the envelope.
The world's coming to an end. Log off and leave in an orderly fashion.
The secret of success is sincerity.  Once you can fake that, you have it made.
The one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
The death rate on Earth is: .... (computing) .... One per person.
The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.
The sex act is the funniest thing on the face of this Earth.  -- Diana Rigg
The prairies are vast plains covered by treeless forests.
The bureaucracy expands to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
The early worm deserves the bird.
The first piece of luggage out of the chute does not belong to anyone, ever.
The universe is surrounded by whatever it is that surrounds universes.
The number watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
The glass is half full--and what's in it has gone rancid.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
There are many kinds of people in the world.  Are you one of them?
There is a vas deferens between men and women.
There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.
There is a 70% probability of tomorrow. (actual weatherman quote. 1988)
There is no bottom to worse.  -- Cohen
There is no idea so stupid that some professor doesn't believe in it.
These are only my opinions. You should see my convictions.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...  -- last words of General Sedgwick
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
Things are more like they are now than they have ever been. --Gerald Ford.
This statement is in no way to be construed as a disclaimer.
This aphorism would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
This is news. This is your brain on news. Any questions?
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
This letter fills a much-needed gap.
This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.  -- Winston Churchill
This sentence contradicts itself: no, wait, actually it doesn't.
This sentence no verb.
Time flies like the wind, but fruit flies like bananas.
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
To attract a vegetarian, make a noise like a wounded vegetable.
To err is human.  To admit it is a blunder.
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
To err is human.  To blame someone else for your errors is even more human.
To do it: Hire someone, or forbid your kids.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Toe:  A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.  -- Rilla May
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
Unable to open LEVI.ZIP. Continue running TAKELEAK.EXE? (Y/N)
Unauthorized fornication with this equipment is disallowed.
Under capitalism, man exploits man.  Under communism, it is just the opposite.
Under-Achievers Anonymous has an 11-step program.
Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
Volcano:  A mountain with hiccups.
Vote anarchist.
We have them just where they want us.  -- James Kirk
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
We aren't sure how clouds form.  But they know, that is what counts.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
We will cross out that bridge when we come back to it later.
What did you bring the book I want to be read to out of about Down Under up for?
What this country needs is more leaders who know what this country needs.
What is mind?  No matter.  What is matter?  Never mind.  -- Thomas Key
What if there were no hypothetical situations? --Andrew Kohlsmith
What is orange and goes "click, click"?  A ball point carrot.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When in doubt, do as doubters do.
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
When things look dark, hold your head high so it can rain up your nose.
When working hard, be sure to get up and retch every so often.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
When it's you against the world, bet on the world.
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
When professors want your opinion, they'll give it to you.
Where there is a will, there is an Inheritance Tax.
You can't hear it, but the universe is laughing at you behind your back.
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
Why doesn't life come with subtitles?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?  -- Lily Tomlin
Why don't "minimalists" find a shorter name for themselves?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why take life seriously? You're not coming out of it alive anyway!
Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than horses?  -- Liddy
Why did the tachyon cross the road?  Because it was on the other side.
Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it's said?
Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Working in a McDonald's kitchen: one [beep]ing thing after another...
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
Yawning is an orgasm for your face.  -- Gunvar Ingeborg
Yo-yo:  Something occasionally up but normally down (see also "computer").
You are warm and giving toward others.  What are you after?
You simply *must* stop taking other people's advice.
You can fool some of the people some of the time, and that is sufficient.
You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
You are here.  But you are not all there.
You are not paranoid if they're really after you...
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You will learn a lot today.
Your lucky number is 364958674928.  Watch for it everywhere.
Your reasoning is silly and irrational but it is beginning to make sense.
Your fault -- core dumped.
Your password is pitifully obvious.
ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12-digit prime number to resume.



-- 
Ken Breadner		Wilfrid Laurier University,		##############
brea9430@mach1.wlu.ca	Waterloo, Ontario, Canada-for-now	##############
(the BREADbox)		---------------------------------	##############
------------------------Scratch here to reveal your prize---]   ##############




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