Article 108062 of rec.humor: Path: nntp-server.caltech.edu!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!sdd.hp.com!spool.mu.edu!olivea!charnel!pberry From: pberry@ecst.csuchico.edu (Patrick L Berry) Newsgroups: rec.humor Subject: This is funny! Date: 8 Oct 1993 05:08:26 GMT Organization: California State University, Chico Lines: 127 Message-ID: [292skaINNp54@charnel.ecst.csuchico.edu] NNTP-Posting-Host: hairball.ecst.csuchico.edu At first I thought I had run into another fucking chain letter, but after I deleted about 60 lines of headers I came to this... Compendium of JustPlainSilly Newspaper Headlines ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring of debris around Uranus? Stud tires out Prostitutes appeal to Pope Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over Soviet virgin lands short of goal again British left waffles on Falkland Islands Lung cancer in women mushrooms Eye drops off shelf Teacher strikes idle kids Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead Squad helps dog bite victim Shot off woman's leg helps nicklaus to 66 Enraged cow injures farmer with ax Plane too close to ground, crash probe told Miners refuse to work after death Juvenile court to try shooting defendant Stolen painting found by tree Two soviet ships collide, one dies 2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years Never withhold herpes infection from loved one Drunken drivers paid $1000 in '84 War dims hope for peace If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while Cold wave linked to temperatures Man is fatally slain Enfiels couple slain; Police suspect homicide Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says --------------------------------------------------------------------- even more funnies... (*--------------------------------------------------------------------*) I think what you wanted was one of the jokes that Emo Philips does. I know it by heart so here it is... I went to school, ya know. I went to grammar school and once we were taking a test and I was copying this other kid's paper, and I guess the teacher heard my xerox machine. She said, "Emo, am I stupid or were you cheating?," and I said, "Ah, yes and no." She sends me to the principal's office and I get there and sit down and he looks at me and says, "Emo, Emo, Emo." I said, "I'm the one in the middle, you drunken slob." He said, "Emo, how would you like to repeat the fifth grade?" I said, "I don't know if I could do it exactly, but I could try." He said, "I could expel you!" I said, "You'll have to catch and eat me first, ya wierdo." He said, "Emo, you'll have to see the school psychologist." And I said, "But why do I have to see the school psychologist?" So he shows me the petition. So I went to the psychologist and he says, "Emo, what does this inkblot look like to you?" I said, "Well, it's kind of embarassing." He said, "Emo, everyone sees something silly. Don't be embarassed. Tell me, what does this inkblot look like to you?" I said, "Well, uh, to me, um, it looks like, uh, standard pattern number 3 in the Rorshach series to test obsesive compulsiveness." And he got kind of depressed, so I said, "OK, it's a butterfly." And he cheered up. "And what does this inkblot look like?" I said it looks like a horrible, ugly blob of pure evil, that sucks the souls of men into a vortex of sin and degredation." He said, "No, uh the inkblots over there, that's a photo of my wife you're looking at." "Oh, was I far off?" He said, "No, that's the sad part." And he gave me a chocolate easter bunny and I ate the bunny, then I thought, hey, this isn't easter. "Is this a test?" And he said, "Yes." "And what does it mean?" He said, "Had you eaten the ears first you would have been normal. Had you eaten the feet first you would have had an inferiority complex. Had you eaten the tail first you would have had latent homosexual tendencies and had you eaten the breasts first you would have had a latent oedipal complex." "Well...go on, what does it mean when you bite out the eyes and scream 'stop staring at me?'" He said, "It means you have a tendency towards self destruction." I said, "Well, what do you recommend?" He said, "Go for it." (*--------------------------------------------------------------------*) For a good time mail: Pat -- pberry@hairball.ecst.csuchico.edu
Back to my Star Trek Humor Page
Back to my humor page
Back to my home page