As Much Use As

As Much Use As

As much use as:
                          
 A one legged man in an arse kicking contest  (from Python I think)
 A chocolate teapot (trad.)
 Milk shoes
 A nuclear powered computer controlled intercontinental ballistic duck.
 A one to one scale model of the starship Enterprise made out of honey.
 A flammable fire extinguisher
 A glass cricket bat
 A gelignite suppository.
 A coal powered frog-violin.
 Granite sugar cubes
 Pasta audio wire
 A pastry telephone
 Ice cream gloves
 A sugar surf board
 Spam windscreen wipers
 A blind lifeguard
 Wooden soap
 Shortbread tires
 A whipped-cream jet engine
 A knitted light bulb
 A plate-steel trampoline
 An invisible traffic light
 A string hook
 A bread boat
 Plasticine wire cutters
 A neon pink secret door
 Chocolate staples,
 A lead balloon,
 A paper hole punch,
 A water hat,
 A latex multistory car park.
 A steel reinforced concrete sail.
 A margarine turbocharger.
 Custard floorboards
 Gravy ceiling tiles.
 A fried motor-boat.
 A mud monitor,
 A chocolate disk,
 A silent telephone,
 A tap-dancing microprocessor controlled portrait of a bowl of soup.
 A velvet TV set,
 A concrete engine,
 A water-proof tea bag.
 An exploding bassoon
 A stone cigarette.
 Syrup underwear.
 A plastic oven.
 A wax truss.
 A liquorice suspension bridge.
 Soap false teeth.
 Asbestos water wings.
 A lemonade roof.
 Velvet brake-pads.
 A pair of jelly wellingtons,
 A jam cardigan,
 A paper bicycle pump,
 Non-stick sellotape,
 A sponge radar
 Anti-matter sun-tan lotion.
 Ice-cream saucepans
 A soluble drain pipe.
 A cubic ball-bearing.
 An inflatable dartboard
 A soluble lifeboat
 A glass hammer
 And a packet of rubber nails 
 Elevator Earth Shoes
 Heat'n'eat popsicles
 See-through mirror
 Revolving basement restaurant
 G-rated pornflick
 Economy car conversion - fiberglass VW body on a Porsche chassis
 Roll-on hairspray
 Solar-powered foghorn
 Moped exercycle
 Objective journalism
 Braille speedometers
 A screen door on a submarine.
 An ejector seat in a helicopter.
 Waterproof teabags.
 Solar powered torches.
 Central heated ice-cubes.
 A pocket in a pair of underpants.
 A chocolate dick
 An astray on a motorbike
 A sodium submarine
 Tits on a bull
 Aka. "Mammary glands on the male of the bovine species"
 A condom with a hole in it.
 A box of matches in the desert.


Posted by:
-- 
  Nic Percival      |                               |
  Micro Focus       | "Anything is good and useful  |   nmp@mfltd.co.uk
  Newbury           |  if it's made of chocolate.." |   (0635) 32646 Ext 5336 
  Berks, RG13 1JT   |                               |




Spell Checked and reformatted by Nathan Mates (nathan@cco.caltech.edu)

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