Yes it's the long awaited Drinking Game 95. To be used while enjoying the "Windows 95 Infomercial" coming up this Monday (check local listings for time and channel). Gather together some good friends, curl up next to the tv, and call up this posting on your Mac, OS/2, or UNIX machine. enjoy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bill Gates Microsoft Windows 95 infomercial drinking game Beta version. *******************************Drink once********************************** Everytime a cute ethnic child is shown being more productive through the use of Win 95. A "new" feature of Win 95 is shown that has been implemented in the Mac OS, OS/2, or third party extensions for years. Someone makes a reference to Bill's money or success. The word "virtual" is used. Microsoft new computer network is refered to as MSN. When "Joe/Jane Q. Computer User's" computing concerns are solved by Win 95. A 1-800 number is displayed. Whenever "plug and play" is used. A reference to how "easy it is" is made. An old person is shown using the computer. The computer speaks directly to the camera. A spokesman from the Computer industry praises Win 95. The word "upgrade" is used. *******************************Drink twice********************************* When a crappy feature/bug of Win 3.1 has been fixed by Win 95. Some politically correct/assinie icon/metaphore is used for a standard function (i.e. "recycle bin") Someone "doesn't understand" a feature, and needs it explained in detail. Plug and play is refered to as "p&p." Any time Anthony Edwards (the host) says the words "World Wide Web." Large, bloated, yet obsolete mega-corporations, toady up to Bill in the hope that some of his sucess will rub off. Anyone makes a medical joke to Anthony Edwards. Any time the phrase "Now is the time..." is used. A person is shown meeting some "Sandra Bullockesque" love interest through MSN. A feature of MSN duplicates an existing internet service. The 'net is refered to as the "Information Superhighway." You are invited to publish your own Web page. You are remined that Win 95 will allow you to attempt any of the following trivial tasks: Balencing home checkbook/budget, college term paper, manage your stock portfolio, order flowers or a pizza, play games, email your grandmother, make plane reservations, 'chat' online, medical imaging, research dinosaurs, download porn, play "global thermonuclear war," or open the pod bay doors. *******************************Drink thrice******************************** Bill makes reference to his wealth and/or sucess. A crappy feature/bug from Win 3.1 continues on into Win 95. Any reference to "screw-up." A reference to "You've been waiting a long time, but now here it is..." Win 95 crashes the demonstration computer. A competetor's product is shown. They tell you that this is "the last operating system you'll ever need." Bill breaks down, turns to the camera and say "Easy is not better!" ********************************Drain it*********************************** A "new" feature intoduced in Win 95 is totally original, never before implemented in Mac OS, OS/2, or third party extensions. An animated version of Anthony Edwards or Bill Gates appears. Anthony Edwards remarks offhandedly "You ever notice how much Windows looks like the Macintosh operating system?" Drain another if Bill answers, "Nah, we swiped it from Xerox." An explaination to why Win 95 was released a scant few months before '96. Canter & Seigal spam MSN with adds for their latest book before the end of the program. Bill apologizes for his monopolistic business strategy, crappy software, and cult of personality. Hands rights over to Linus Torvalds. Charlie Chaplian "spokesman" from the IBM campaign shows up. Anytime some MS marketing dweeb refers to the product as 'empowering' down a brew. If any MS marketing dweeb describes the product as 'enabling' destroy the TV down the brew and take up a collection to buy your host a new TV :-) ( what in the wide wide world o' sports is 'enabling software' as opposed to the assumed disabling variety? :-! )
Back to my Computer Jokes Page
Back to my humor page
Back to my home page