Cs-toaster-humour

Once upon a time, in a kingdom not far from here, a king summoned
two of his advisors for a test.  He showed them both a shiny metal
box with two slots in the top, a control knob, and a lever.  "What
do you think this is?"

One advisor, an engineer, answered first. "It is a toaster," he
said. The king asked, "How would you design an embedded computer
for it?" The engineer replied, "Using a four-bit microcontroller,
I would write a simple program that reads the darkness knob and
quantizes its position to one of 16 shades of darkness, from snow
white to coal black.  The program would use that darkness level as
the index to a 16-element table of initial timer values.  Then it
would turn on the heating elements and start the timer with the
initial value selected from the table.  At the end of the time
delay, it would turn off the heat and pop up the toast.  Come back
next week, and I'll show you a working prototype."

The second advisor, a computer scientist, immediately recognized
the danger of such short-sighted thinking.  He said, "Toasters
don't just turn bread into toast, they are also used to warm
frozen waffles. What you see before you is really a breakfast food
cooker.  As the subjects of your kingdom become more
sophisticated, they will demand more capabilities. They will need
a breakfast food cooker that can also cook sausage, fry bacon, and
make scrambled eggs.  A toaster that only makes toast will soon be
obsolete.  If we don't look to the future, we will have to
completely redesign the toaster in just a few years."

"With this in mind, we can formulate a more intelligent solution to
the problem.  First, create a class of breakfast foods. Specialize
this class into subclasses:  grains, pork, and poultry.  The
specialization process should be repeated with grains divided into
toast, muffins, pancakes, and waffles; pork divided into sausage,
links, and bacon; and poultry divided into scrambled eggs, hard-
boiled eggs, poached eggs, fried eggs, and various omelet classes."

"The ham and cheese omelet class is worth special attention because
it must inherit characteristics from the pork, dairy, and poultry
classes.  Thus, we see that the problem cannot be properly solved
without multiple inheritance.  At run time, the program must create
the proper object and send a message to the object that says, 'Cook
yourself.'  The semantics of this message depend, of course, on the
kind of object, so they have a different meaning to a piece of
toast than to scrambled eggs."

"Reviewing the process so far, we see that the analysis phase has
revealed that the primary requirement is to cook any kind of
breakfast food.  In the design phase, we have discovered some
derived requirements.  Specifically, we need an object-oriented
language with multiple inheritance.  Of course, users don't want
the eggs to get cold while the bacon is frying, so concurrent
processing is required, too."

"We must not forget the user interface.  The lever that lowers the
food lacks versatility, and the darkness knob is confusing.  Users
won't buy the product unless it has a user-friendly, graphical
interface.  When the breakfast cooker is plugged in, users should
see a cowboy boot on the screen.  Users click on it, and the
message 'Booting UNIX v.8.3' appears on the screen. (UNIX 8.3
should be out by the time the product gets to the market.)  Users
can pull down a menu and click on the foods they want to cook."

"Having made the wise decision of specifying the software first in
the design phase, all that remains is to pick an adequate hardware
platform for the implementation phase.  An Intel 80386 with 8MB of
memory, a 30MB hard disk, and a VGA monitor should be sufficient. 
If you select a multitasking, object oriented language that
supports multiple inheritance and has a built-in GUI, writing the
program will be a snap.  (Imagine the difficulty we would have had
if we had foolishly allowed a hardware-first design strategy to
lock us into a four-bit microcontroller!)."

The king wisely had the computer scientist beheaded, and they all
lived happily ever after.



Back to my Computer Jokes Page
Back to my humor page
Back to my home page

nathan@visi.com