From: pvdl@best.com (Peter van der Linden)
All I really need to know I learned on Internet
Peter van der Linden
All I really need to know about how to live, and what to do,
and how to be, I learned on Internet. Wisdom was not at the top
of the graduate school mountain, nor in the sandpile at Sunday
school, but right there at the active endpoint of a TCP/IP session.
These are the things I learned:
1. Always log your terminal off when you leave, even if you're
only going to the bathroom for 5 minutes.
2. The only people who MAKE MONEY FAST on the Internet
are those who manufacture routers and disk drives.
3. The net's memory is no longer than its attention span, so if you
wait a little while you're sure to see the same thing go round again.
4. Some net-kooks are noisy, some net-kooks are stupid, and some net-
kooks are rude. But the ones who will flame you personally are
the net-kooks who are noisy, stupid AND rude.
5. C++ is a fairytale language. Unfortunately, the fairytale is not
"The Goose that laid the Golden Eggs", but rather "The Emperor
has no Clothes".
6. Not all moderators and FAQ-compilers eventually become power-mad
and insane. Some of them started out that way.
7. The net's memory is no longer than its attention span, so if you
wait a little while you're sure to see the same thing go round again.
8. If you're not sure about the facts when posting something, be louder
and more insistent to compensate. "Firm" beats "factual". Never
apologise, never explain, and never miss a chance to grind someone
else's error in their face. Laugh off your own mistakes as a
deliberate attempt at humor.
9. The opposite sex is really excited and turned on when you post
words and suggestions that you wouldn't use in face-to-face
conversation. This is a really good way to pick up new friends.
Lewd 'n crude gets laid 'n paid.
10. That early release of "rn" that prevented a posting unless it
contained more new lines than included lines, was actually a
pretty good idea.
11. There's something odd about netters who spend all day and night
staring at patterns on a crt, but criticize the mindlessness of
television. Letterman top 10 lists, and Dave Barry columns, get
circulated on Internet, but no one broadcasts "the best of rec.humor"
on tv. Thank God. Not yet at least.
12. Not all lists have to contain exactly 10 entries, despite what you
have seen on television.
PvdL/June 1995
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