SOFTWARE LICENSE AGREEMENT
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This is an agreement between Vinny's Computing Company ("We/Us/Our")
and ___________________________________________________
("You/Youse/Your") concerning the use of intellectual and intangible
properties of Vinny's Computing.
DEFINITIONS
"Software" shall mean useful, interesting, or merely amusing sequences
of bits and bytes, whether expressed as zero and one, dark and light,
yin and yang, male and female, or Cheech and Chong, which, when fed to
a general purpose digital computer, cause it to whirr and blink its
lights.
"Documentation" shall mean both the dried and squashed rectangular
pieces of trees, which the user looks at when the computer fails to
whirr and blink its lights, AND the bits and bytes of information
designed to be put on your own pieces of trees and therefore save us
money.
"Stuff" shall mean real, tangible goods which can be weighed,
inspected, shipped in a box and lost by the shipping service.
RECITALS
We desire to sell, and You desire to buy, the Stuff we make. Now
therefore, to get you to buy the Stuff, We have written certain
Software, which We can't really sell because it doesn't really exist,
and anyway you could just buy one and make lots of copies, except that
the whole purpose of this agreement is to prevent you from doing that.
AGREEMENT
You agree that the software, which does not really exist, is the
exclusive property of Us. In return for You sending Us Your money, We
will grant you a non-exclusive, perpetual right to use a single copy
of the Software on Stuff made by Us. You may make additional copies
and furnish these copies to Your own customers, provided that You make
them sign an Agreement that is at least as complicated as this one,
and further provided that You send us more money for each copy You
make.
In the event You make a bunch of copies and give them away, or You
make a bunch of copies and sell them without sending Us more money, or
You make a bunch of copies and sell them without filling out the
forms, our Attorneys and Louie's Collection Agency will see to it that
human life, as Youse knows it, will be completely ruined.
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FORCE MAJEURE
Neither We nor You shall be held responsible for the weather, or the
unions, or what the damn politicians do. Neither party shall be held
responsible for delays due to acts of God, including but not limited
to plagues of locusts, frogs, or especially boils. In the event of
global thermonuclear war, this Agreement shall terminate along with
everything else.
FINE PRINT (Use Your Imagination)
1) In the event one or more provisions of this Agreement are found
unlawful or unenforceable under the laws of any or all of the United
States, You agree to move your place of business to such other state
or country as may be more reasonable, except that nothing in this
paragraph shall be construed to require You to learn to talk in
French.
2) This Agreement is intended to be the sole and complete statement
of Our obligations to You, and supersedes all previous understandings
and proposals, especially anything our salespeople promised.
3) This Agreement shall be binding and inure to the benefit of the
parties hereto, their successors, their failures, their hopes, and
their dreams, so neither party shall assign this Agreement without
arreading it first.
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