Life Of Grad Turkey

A grad-student emotion check-list

7:30am  Wakeup and lie awake in Bed
7:31am  Realize you spent $18 on last night's dinner, means no eating out
        for the next 6 weeks    
7:45 am Ready to go to school, will shave tommorrow, will eat early brunch at
        (Denny's/Penny's/Lenny's/Dinko's whatever cafeteria).
8:03 am Arrive at school
        Realize your foreign officemate arrived earlier today 
        must have got more work done
8:04am  Pass by Advisor's office, chat with Secretary to find out if he is      
        coming in today. He is, darn.   
        Need to start work on the draft due this afternoon.
8:15am  Read mail
8:20    Delete mail from students taking EE 434 regarding questions about the class
        Hate your TA job
        Depression: too much work to do today
9:00    For jumpstart: go to coffee machine.
9:05    Kick coffee machine; promise yourself to call up the company
        and ask for your quarter.
        Wonder why they would beleive you.
9:33    Start printing out loads of stuff that may be vaguely related to
        your work.
9:41    Early morning stupefaction
        Mutter racist comments to yourself about your officemate
9:43    Curse your officemate in a low tone he would not comprehend 
        Feel good about he not grasping English well 
9:58    finger everyone at the office and most people half way 
        around the world (using the "finger" command, of course)
10:19   Feel sleepy, should not have stayed late playing tetris last night.     
10:31   momentary panic attack
10:43   edit .plan file. write a shell program to edit .plan more easily
10:59   Drop in at boss(advisor)'s office and borrow something you dont need    
        & and kinda make him aware you are working hard on xyz 
11:05   perverted daydreams
11:11   read news
        mid-morning yawn time 
11:34   Start typing junk at a very high key-in rate to pretend
        you are working hard as the boss passes by from outside.
11:35   Press the BackSpace key for one and a half minute until all
        the garbage you typed in is erased.
        Realize that you can type more than 256 characters per half minute
11:41   Flirt with the new girl in the department 
11:45   Print out some slides for afternoon's draft + presentation
11:47   Print them again, you forgot to change the date from last presentation
11:49   Print another copy in case this one gets lost
11:51         Completely forget about sueing the coffee-machine company
	    
12:15   Hunger pangs:
12:20   BigMac/Fries time       
	Drink a not-so-cold can of coke from your desk.
	Ch-Ching, you just saved 35 cents by buying bulk coke
1:00  Group Meeting with boss
1:14  sudden awareness of one's shallowness
      resentment towards foriegn officemate for sucking up to the boss 
      Get reminded by the boss that you need to do some more literature-survey
1:51  Boss hands you the reddened copy of your draft for corrections
1:51:02       The 49 second urge to murder boss begins
1:51:52 Realize that he controls your paycheck/grade/vacation/late nights/social life/getting a paper 
	out/graduation possiblity/graduation date if applicable/job opportunity and the rest of your life.
1:52:53       Thank him
1:52:54 Thank yourself for not saying something stupid to your boss.
1:53:00 splitting headache #1
1:59  check mail, dont reply though , you are too busy to do that
2:06  more coffee
2:17  Oh No, it is my turn to cook tonite :-( 
2:30  Sit through the class you were told to sit through
2:39  look outside the window make unrealistic plans to quit 
      this degree program and take up a job
      Wonder why blonde girls are so pretty
2:48  more perverted day-dreams
      Close the office door and open a few gif files.
      sharpen pencil
3:06  worry about never graduating 
      time to write a letter
      rearrange desk
      call up bank; see if you have any money 
      fear of losing aid next Fall 
      Read latex manuals to figure out how to put &$%&% in %$^% format 
3:43  watch the clock
      make plans to do a all-nighter tonite

      Vow to watch only 2 TV programs 
4:58  Notice Boss leave       
4:58:01 Sudden sense of freedom
      
9:00pm        Come into the office
9:01pm        The hard working grad student you are, you have to come to the
            office late at night to "get the work done"
9:03  Check mail
      Decide it would be a good time to attack those ftp sites
      since network wont be loaded
      Run into "since network wont be loaded" traffic and get the 
      pictures into your machine.
      Compress all unwanted research/class directories to make space.
      Back up all your pictures
10:11 Admire pictures
      Begin work; Realize you need references
      Realize its too late today to go to the library 
      Sudden feeling of having wasted the day 
10:49 Sudden feeling of possibly having to waste the night
      Decide to turn in early and come back very early tommorrow morning
      Decide to play a computer-game to put yourself in a good mood.
11:15 Play game after game after game to improve your score and 
      get on the scoreboard. 
      Realize that your officemate is still at number 6, two notches 
      above you on the scoreboard.
12:20 Play until you beat your officemate into the 7th place.
      A sense of achievment!! Yes, today was not wasted!!
      Return home to find your roommate watching David Letterman
      Tell him about the "hard working grad student day you had"
      Discuss philosophy with roommate
1:09  Think about becoming a philosopher and dining with 4 others
      (The Dining Philosophers problem, hee hee :-) :-))
      Argue with him about politics, why people prefer Japanese
      cars and whether it is better to set the heat to "hot" or "cold"
      to defrost the windshields faster.
1:49  Realize neither of you have bought milk today 
      Get reminded of the "too much milk problem"
2:04  Forget about getting up early. Turn the phone ringer off
      and go to sleep.



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nathan@visi.com